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AIBU to not want to 'chat'?

(85 Posts)
oldfatandstressed Sat 03-Jun-17 08:19:15

I am the headteacher of a local school. Each Saturday I take my kids to football, and stay to watch (DS is 4). Unfortunately 3/4 of the school attend sessions too. I just want to be a mum and watch my kids, but the parents of others seem to use the time as a chance to talk about their children- like a mini parents evening, asking me how their kids are achieving and whether they are above average or not. I have politely tried to say "sorry, I'm here to watch my kid, if you like I can see you on Monday etc' and now there is a group of parents who are campaigning against me saying I am unapproachable and unfriendly. To be clear, I don't mind chatting but just not about school issues. AIBU?

ADayGivingMeHope Sat 03-Jun-17 08:21:07

Not at all unreasonable.
Ignore the cliquey mummies.
Your personal time is precisely that.

twoheaped Sat 03-Jun-17 08:21:08

Do you stand near them?
I would place myself across the pitch from them if possible.

Y are definitely NBU.

DarkFloodRises Sat 03-Jun-17 08:21:31

YANBU. My friend is a doctor and says that her friends constantly ask her for medical advice at social occasions - it drives her mad!

Could you take your DC to a different football club rather than the local one?

Helloitsme88 Sat 03-Jun-17 08:21:40

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HildaOg Sat 03-Jun-17 08:22:09

Yanbu. Be polite but firm, "not now, I'm here to watch my child, make an appointment during the week".

Helloitsme88 Sat 03-Jun-17 08:22:53

ALso as a head I find it hard to believe you couldn't manage the situation in an appropriate and firm and friendly way and put a stop to it

Chloe84 Sat 03-Jun-17 08:23:14

now there is a group of parents who are campaigning against me saying I am unapproachable and unfriendly.

Twats. I wonder if they would say the same about a male headteacher.

Who are they campaigning to?

Oldgranny Sat 03-Jun-17 08:24:34

Why hell wouldn't one believe her hmm

ScarletSienna Sat 03-Jun-17 08:25:05

So are you saying the OP is lying Hello? For what possible gain?!

museumum Sat 03-Jun-17 08:26:53

Just say you can't talk about school issues outside of school and start chatting about the weather.
Avoiding people will make you look stand offish. You need to articulate clear boundaries.

Squishedstrawberry4 Sat 03-Jun-17 08:27:23

Are you making small chit chat about non school stuff? Are you going on holiday? What are you having for tea? Chat about the ongoing game. OTs perfectly reasonable to say you don't want to talk about school and can they make an appointment.

SmileEachDay Sat 03-Jun-17 08:28:20

Sorry but I find This hard to believe. Due to confidentiality and data protection you cannot discuss a child so progress outside of school and to make an appointment. I just don't believe this at all

It happens. All the time.

"Confidentiality and data protection" does not stop you talking about a child with their own parent outside school. Otherwise home visits could never happen. It's a bad idea to talk to parents outside school, but not for the reasons you state.

Squishedstrawberry4 Sat 03-Jun-17 08:28:36

Get in there first with appropriaye chit chat. Set the tone.

Helloitsme88 Sat 03-Jun-17 08:28:50

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AwaywiththePixies27 Sat 03-Jun-17 08:31:12

You need to come across a bit more Boss like. The DCs HT puts the fear of God into me. grin she's lovely and all and not at all unapproachable but she maintains that respectful professional distance.

We saw her in the city centre once. Quick hello from her to the DCs and me to her and then we carry on about our businesses.

SmileEachDay Sat 03-Jun-17 08:31:18

You make a good point about posting this relatively identifiable situation (should any of the parents be on MN) situation on MN, Hello

Squishedstrawberry4 Sat 03-Jun-17 08:31:35

Set the tone with appropriate chit chat.

Be warm and kind when asking not to discuss school issues at football.

I expect some parents forget that youre not a headteacher 100% of the time.

Helloitsme88 Sat 03-Jun-17 08:33:16

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AwaywiththePixies27 Sat 03-Jun-17 08:35:27

Sorry but I find This hard to believe. Due to confidentiality and data protection you cannot discuss a child so progress outside of school and to make an appointment. I just don't believe this at all

Helloitsme88 it really does happen! In the DCs last school, I once saw the Deputy Head nip in the cafe for her lunch and immediately had three parents sat at her table. I'm sure the reason she never went in there again was not the lovely food! I have a friend of mine who's DCs go to that school, her DS is footy mad, matches every week etc etc. Lots of parents there, some of the staff and head happen to be parents at the same place too, again, all crowding around them asking if they can have a quick word.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 03-Jun-17 08:35:55

They sound like arseholes.

Chloe84 Sat 03-Jun-17 08:36:25

Sorry but I find This hard to believe. Due to confidentiality and data protection you cannot discuss a child so progress outside of school and to make an appointment. I just don't believe this at all

Hello but that is what OP is telling the parents to do - to make an appointment. confused

Are you 27, hello?

Helloitsme88 Sat 03-Jun-17 08:36:38

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VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Sat 03-Jun-17 08:37:08

Helloitsme88 nonsense. Clearly you are perfect. 🙄

Keep going OP, I'm sure you are not the only person in this boat, let alone identifiable. And frankly, even if you were, you have not disclosed anything inappropriate.

My Dad was a primary head teacher and used to get threatening phonecalls at home meaning we went ex directory; fathers trying to punch him at the school gates because little Jimmy had been excluded for punching a teacher; one mum who insisted that my Dad pick up their child every morning as he passed their door every day and they felt it was his duty to do so because they couldn't be bothered he was a teacher.

Parents can be batshit.

Helloitsme88 Sat 03-Jun-17 08:37:27

What has my age got to do with it?

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