Friends DC eating so much crap all the time

[letsmargaritatime]

Not just one friend, every friend. Plus my siblings, well that is how it feels. I posted before about my overweight dd (I can't work out how to link to it) and had some advice on here which I have been trying to follow. But this half term has been like every other school holiday, every occasion and meet up has to involve loads of food, and every friend I meet up with seems to constantly ask their dc if they are hungry (surely they would fucking say if they are at ten years old, why ask?!) And producing snacks all the time. Even the snacks that aren't so bad are still calorific (home-made banana bread, flapjacks etc) I'm so fed up with it

Nobody gets it, and they don't give a shit because their kids are skinny. And say unhelpful things like "oh she will grow into her weight" I know I'm being unkind to my friends but I just don't understand why dc can't get together and play without bags of sweets, packets of crisps, popcorn, chocolate buttons, fruit shoots, and I can't single out my dd and her not to be the one to have it. I have literally no other friends who have overweight dc and posting here hoping people in a similar situation will get how I feel

Worst of all was friend saying that if I stop overthinking it, it wouldn't be a problem. So basically if I let her eat whatever she wants the weight will fall off 😡

[2014newme]

It's nor your friends responsibility that your child is overweight. Take your own snacks to give your child when their children are having theirs.

[msgrinch]

Agree with 2014 I'm afraid it's up to them what they feed their children, as all their children are within normal weight ranges then they can't be over feeding them etc. It's up to you to feed your child and to bring snacks/not bring snacks to help their weight loss.

[chitofftheshovel]

How overweight is your child?

[Waggamamma]

My children are younger (6 &2) both skinny and tall (I'm not!!) and they are horrors if they are active and not fed regularly. They get so grumpy and tetchy and it makes a miserable day for all of us.

I do try to do fruit snacks, crackers etc but sometimes when you are out with friends the convience stuff is just easier and you know all dc will eat it.

My youngest also has a few allergies so is limited in what I can take out for him.

I'm not going to police what my kids eat because you ds is overweight just as I'm not going to stop my friends giving their kids cheese, ice cream and chocolate because my ds can't have it.

[museumum]

This is tricky. I have a skinny boy who forgets to eat and crashes into complete "hangry" if I'm not careful. But one of my friends has a girl who loves food and will eat any on offer hungry or not.
We have an understanding that I give snacks subtly and don't leave stuff out to graze. I do understand my friends concern (I'm not skinny) but she also understands mine.

[wheresthel1ght]

Sorry yabvu. As others have said your child's weight is your issue not ours. My dd is tall and skinny, she has massive food allergies and due to a variety of reasons she struggles to eat as meal. She grazes, she would sooner starve than eat if there is too much presented on a plate so I will continue in to feed my dd what she needs for her ridiculously active lifestyle thanks

[early30smum]

Oh it's a tough one. I feel for you. My DD is 8 and not overweight at all, BUT I've struggled all my life and it's hard. Agree with the others that unfortunately it's up to others what they feed their kids. How does your DD react when they produce these snacks? I totally get that you want to help her, and you are totally doing the right thing by not giving in and giving her loads of crap, but equally if you deprive her too much it could go the other way. So for e.g. If they're all having a big ice cream, let her have a mini milk or something so she's not totally left out but much, much less calories? And make up for it later with extra veg and if she was going to have a yogurt for dessert say replace that with fruit?

Such a hard balancing act but you are 100% helping her in the long run.

[millsbynight]

If you know you're meeting up with your friends who often provide unhealthy snacks maybe make sure your DD hasn't eaten before so she can indulge in a bite or two of something.

Does she take up any exercise? If your friends DC are eating a lot but are still skinny kids, maybe they do a lot of sport? If she isn't already, get your DD involved in some sort of exercise - gymnastics, swimming, dance, netball etc.

[SparklyLeprechaun]

My kids seem to eat continuously and they are both stick thin. I'm afraid I wouldn't stop them snacking because your child is overweight,sorry! Would you rather your friends explained to their children that they can't have snacks because X is fat? That would go down like a brick.

[ShelaghTurner]

My dd1 was 8 last summer and she was very chubby. She'd noticed it too, coming last in the sports day really saddened her. It was hard but she's cut back on unnecessary things so she'll still have ice cream etc but will choose water with meals instead of juice and fruit instead of a dessert. By Christmas she had slimmed down and she's kept up the habits. It wasn't easy when she saw her friends having treats left right and centre but it had to be done. And I've always emphasised fitness rather than weight and that's what she's concerned about.

How old is your dd?

[2014newme]

An 8 year old can only get chubby through poor diet and poor parental choices I'm afraid.

[Floralnomad]

I think the OP is being a bit harshly judged , the way I read it she's saying that her friends / family know her dd has a weight problem and that she is trying to sort it out and it would be helpful if when they are with her they could encourage their dc to have healthier snacks so that her dd doesn't feel like the odd one out / made to feel different because she shouldn't have sweets / crap . The worst thing the OP can do is make her dd feel that her weight is a big issue as there leads the path to an eating disorder . ( hope I'm correct in my reading of the situation OP)

[LiveLongAndProspero]

Seems a bit arseways to be complaining what everyone else feeds their own children when you are the one with an overweight child.

[LagunaBubbles]

People can feed their children what they like.

[Doje]

I feel your pain OP. Wherever we go people feed my kids! They're only 3 and 1 so not in danger of being overweight, but I do understand your problem.

I say to them "No, because you won't eat your dinner" which means I don't upset anyone commenting on choices of food or snacking.

[SummerMummy88]

Omg I so get how you feel! I meet up with a friend at a play centre every week, she produces all sorts of snack from her bag, crisps, sandwiches, biscuits, sweets, drinks and then after they have eaten their way through the entire contents of her bag, she buys them some lunch 😳 and we are only their for two hours. I don't understand people, it's so hard when her kids are eating and passing my son crap that I don't let him have to say no. People look at you as if you think your superior and it makes you feel uncomfortable. I gave no suggestions for you but I feel your pain.

[Increasinglymiddleaged]

I think yanbu op.

All this 'can't overfeed dc who are stick thin' is nonsense imo. Constant snacking is a bad habit to get into, and 2/3 of people in the UK are overweight. 'Stick thin' DC who get into bad eating habits are pretty high risk of being part of that statistic later in life. It drives me spare when people are constantly shoveling food into kids, I have one stick thin and one that is more average (50-60th percentile ish bmi).

[Increasinglymiddleaged]

Seems a bit arseways to be complaining what everyone else feeds their own children when you are the one with an overweight child.

At the moment......

[early30smum]

Also even though my DD isn't overweight, she's definitely not naturally slim, we have to watch it! And I do get a bit with friend's offering her all manner of crap e.g. One friend once had a bag of sainsburys cookies (the massive, bakery ones!) and gave her one- I wasn't happy but didn't say anything as I knew it was a one off and I could just cut back on the rest of the day (not on food just unhealthy stuff so she didn't have ice cream for pudding for e.g. ) if I notice she's starting to put on weight, we just don't have junk in the house for a while. She does a HUGE amount of sport which I think massively helps. If she didn't, I don't think she could get away with eating as much as she does!

OP it's great you are trying to help your DD.

[DarkFloodRises]

I think it's a pity that your friends can't be a bit more supportive. My DC are skinny but I don't think that's a good reason for letting them eat loads of crap between meals - especially if they're aware of your DD's issue. But unfortunately I'm not sure there's much you can do about it.

[letsmargaritatime]

Thanks for the mixed replies, I know that in some ways iabu. It just feels so bloody unfair to see other kids eating so much and staying so skinny. Lots of her friends have packed lunches full of Nutella sandwiches, chocolate biscuits, crisps, and generally crap. The food when we are out is generally given out to all the kids present, I have tried to subtly talk to my friends but one went to give dd a cake then said "oh" and looked at me for approval, dd shot me a filthy look and my friend wasn't being malicious but it was so cringe

I should have mentioned i have four kids and the other three are very slim. This makes it even harder for dd. We are trying everything to balance things out without giving her a complex - not easy

It just feels like a kids world now is so food-focussed in a way it never was when I was a kid

[early30smum]

Can I ask what your DD has eaten today?

[early30smum]

Also does she do lots of sport/movement?

[BeachyKeen]

How old is your dd, and what does she like to do in her free time?