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To be mortified, or am I overreacting?

(229 Posts)
mynotsoperfectlife Thu 01-Jun-17 21:53:45

We are on holiday at the moment, and when chatting to another family at the cottage we are staying at, DH announces that the children 'weren't planned.'

We've had a bit of a row about it. He says I'm being ridiculous and over reacting. I'm sitting upstairs avoiding him. Am I?

FallenSkies Thu 01-Jun-17 21:56:54

Were they planned?

Did he seem negative about it?

My dd wasn't planned and I really wouldn't be offended if my dh stated that fact as we wouldn't change our surprise for the world.

shinyredbus Thu 01-Jun-17 21:58:09

confused Even if this was true - why would your husband feel the need to share something like that to other people (who you don't even know well!?)!? He's basically telling people you had unprotected sex. My second wasn't really planned, but was a happy early surprise (we wanted to wait a little longer) I would be very annoyed if my husband told anyone that my son wasn't planned. YANBU. Sometimes, i think men just don think before they speak hmm

greatpumpkin Thu 01-Jun-17 21:59:27

Did he say it like 'ha - best mistake we ever made!', or 'I never wanted these children and they are a terrible burden'?

The former wouldn't worry me - I assume these people are complete strangers and sometimes it's easy to be indiscreet with people who mean nothing to you. But it might make me wonder whether he was harbouring some kind of regret or resentment.

finnthepink Thu 01-Jun-17 21:59:29

It really depends on how he said it TBH. I've had plenty of people tell me, apropos of almost nothing, that their child wasn't planned but the giggles or other obvious signs made it very clear that it was a welcome event and/or that they would not ever want things any other way. One new acquaintance even said that to me - that her child had been unplanned but that she thanks heaven every day because it was the best thing that's ever happened to her! I had just met her. I didn't think it was odd; we were sharing a "parenting moment" if you know what I mean.

If he was offhand about it, then it might have been a little off, yes.

mynotsoperfectlife Thu 01-Jun-17 22:00:04

One was planned, but it's not the validity of the statement I'm really annoyed about. It's about him bringing it up in public.

mynotsoperfectlife Thu 01-Jun-17 22:00:30

He didn't really say it like anything. Just matter of fact.

NotHotDogMum Thu 01-Jun-17 22:01:31

LTB

Pancakeflipper Thu 01-Jun-17 22:02:04

What context was this mentioned in?

Surely it's part of a relevant conversation and he didn't wander up and say "see those - unplanned they were."

Writerwannabe83 Thu 01-Jun-17 22:02:37

I know loads of people who say their children weren't planned. Neither of my sister's children were planned and my parents love telling me how I wasn't planned 😂

It really isn't that uncommon for little surprises to come along and I really don't think it's anything to be mortified about to be honest.

finnthepink Thu 01-Jun-17 22:03:04

I guess you're entitled to feel how you feel. If you would rather he didn't share that info with acquaintances you may have to face, I suppose you're entitled to have that opinion and it would be nice for him to respect it. It's not like you're telling him to keep it from his best friend!

BoraThirch Thu 01-Jun-17 22:03:38

Its a bit of an over share but something like half of pregnancies are unplanned so I wouldn't be embarrassed.

DontTouchTheMoustache Thu 01-Jun-17 22:03:49

I tell people my DS was unplanned all the time, though I phrase it as "he was a very pleasant surprise". It never occurred to me that other people might get upset about it. Perhaps his mentality is more like mine (I have no filter tbh, I'm an open book).

Viserion Thu 01-Jun-17 22:05:04

Seems a bit random to announce it to strangers. I have always been quite open with friends about both mine being contraceptive failures. But I wouldn't be talking about it with people I'd barely met.

finnthepink Thu 01-Jun-17 22:05:15

"see those - unplanned they were." grin

I'd be like, yeah them and probably 75% of people on this earth!

But the OP is within her rights to want to keep it private I suppose.

troodiedoo Thu 01-Jun-17 22:06:00

Presumably you were talking about family stuff?
People relax and chat shit on holiday, don't let it ruin your break.

Possibly not being able to talk about work ( the standard ice breaker) threw him and he over shared.

Timeforabiscuit Thu 01-Jun-17 22:06:00

Its a bit odd to bring it up with virtual strangers, but also its something myself and dh never bothered to hide tbf

Kids have always known they werent planned (but much loved and wanted!), family and close friends definately know, so I suppose if the conversation turned that way there wouldnt be a reason to hide it iyswim?

mynotsoperfectlife Thu 01-Jun-17 22:07:17

Well, the context was quite flattering as one of them said I didn't look old enough to have a child DSs age (just being nice) but then DH pipes up with 'oh, none of them were planned!'

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 01-Jun-17 22:07:33

You are overreacting.

Why are you so mortified at people knowing you got pregnant by accident? Do you feel stupid?

Timeforabiscuit Thu 01-Jun-17 22:08:00

But mortfied? Nah! Disclosing your herpes is acting up is mortfying, disclosing the fact that sometimes sex leads to babies, not so much.

Timeforabiscuit Thu 01-Jun-17 22:09:17

Ah,the english way of being completely unable to accept a compliment then grin

khajiit13 Thu 01-Jun-17 22:11:11

My DS wasn't planned. It's not some dirty little secret either. Really don't see the issue

Slimthistime Thu 01-Jun-17 22:15:34

I'm with you OP

SemiNormal Thu 01-Jun-17 22:19:58

He's basically telling people you had unprotected sex - Surely any child is an indication of that, not just an unplanned one? confused Also I think most people would assume that people have, at least on occasion, unprotected sex with a spouse - it's hardly mortifying.

YouWhatMate Thu 01-Jun-17 22:25:50

Maybe he didn't realise it was a big deal. It wouldn't be to me. A child being unplanned has no bearing on how much you love them or anything like that.

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