To think parenting shouldn't fall solely on my shoulders?(9 Posts)
I'd be surprised if you all didn't know me by now, although I've come off here for a bit!
9 week old baby boy
Father left me during pregnancy
Wants nothing to do with baby
Doing a DNA test
I've my mother as support who helps out now and again but has her own children so it's scarce.
Why does all aspects of parenting fall solely on my shoulders?? Why am I expecting to pick up both roles of mother and father because he walked away??
What about Childs rights to a father? A mothers right to share parenting with the other party who helped create the child??
"That's just how it is im afraid", doesn't make life any easier, if anything it makes me angrier. Angry because he's sat there childfree enjoying his evenings, weekends and I can't even get 30 seconds to take a crap!
Forget a social life! I don't even know what that is, a lie in? Gone!
I chose to have a baby but I didn't choose to do it alone. I decided to have my son with my ex, I didn't create a contingency plan solely because I didn't realise I had to, in case he left me.
I didn't want to read and run but to be honest I can not even imagine how shrine must feel and it isn't right.
I love my son, I love being his mummy.
What I don't like is the fact he's walked away, he's sat there probably proud of himself.
If a mother walked away from her kids, she'd be treated for a mental disorder but fathers who walk it's a case of "it happens".
Parenting as 99.9% of you know, is overwhelming sometimes, I just need someone to share the workload/responsibilities with
yes its shit and yes its wrong but all this anger wont be helping you. you need to accept it is what it is and let go of the anger before you end up in a pit of bitterness and resentment
I think I've already reached that pit of bitter resentment
He's made me bitter & angry, I can't accept it & I can't move on....I'm living the life he wanted & has now left.
I just want his help.
How awful for you, OP.
Keep focusing on your lovely baby. You are the parent who has not walked and never will walk away from their child.
DS1's Dad walked out on us very early on in DS1's life. He's a part of his life now (DS1 is 11 and a half) but I learned very quickly to let it go.
It helped getting some counselling; mainly it taught me that his choices and decisions weren't about me, they were about him. It sounds mad because I should have known that but hearing it from someone independent helped the realisation truly sink in. It also helped me let everything go; all my hopes and ideals of what DS1's babyhood "should" have been, I had to let it go and build us a life where we were happy together.
It's not very Mumsnet but sending huge hugs and hand holds. It is genuinely terrifying being everything to a baby with no partner or husband to hold your hand. It's the hardest thing I've ever gone through. But you will get through. Your Ex will regret these choices. It might take weeks, it might take years. It took DS1's Dad a couple of years and me getting engaged to DH to realise what an almighty clusterfuck he'd made. And by the point he'd worked it out, I was long gone.
Keep your head above water and accept all the help you're offered.x
If you could wave a magic wand and put DS back, would you?
If you could wave a magic wand and be back with the worthless, feckless, lazy arsehole, would you?
Doesn't stop him being a total and utter shit but you have a better life than him. Because in 30 years, when your gorgeous boy is at your house and tells you you're going to be a granny, your arsehole ex won't even get a text. Because he's a worthless scumbag.
I can't bear these men who fuck off. And the DNA tests requests just add insult to injury.
I know how you feel - ex sees our son for 2 hours a week, pays no maintenance and still thinks he's a better parent than me. Me who does everything, every day for our child.
The one comfort I have is my own dad was the same and I have no time for him. When your sons grown he'll know who was there and who wasn't.
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