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Stopping MIL seeing GC?

(21 Posts)
user1496317025 Thu 01-Jun-17 12:52:49

I'm having a bit of a nightmare at the moment with my SO's family & him!!!

Now long story as short as possible.
I'm due the end of this month, first child, naturally bit stressed/worried for the unknown. Pregnancy has been fairly stressful due to SO and his family. He's lied about various things to them and in turn they've said some pretty nasty things about me, this started back in November. He has (with persuasion) been honest, admitted to his family he was in the wrong and that he's lied to protect his character.
Now during my pregnancy I've had no help, support or direct contact off his family. Just a constant bashing off them via SO about how much of a horrible person I am.

I'm the sort of person who would want both sides of the story before judging or if I'd passed wrongful judgement I'd apologise, something his family have done neither of. I've spent hours crying and getting upset over the way they've spoken about me and dampened my character.

SO yesterday said that once baby arrives his mother wants to see baby. He's expecting me just to put everything aside and allow MIL to have regular contact. That is something I can understand but what I can't understand is why whilst I'm carrying baby they've been horrible to me/about me and haven't despite being told the truth apologised for their hurtful behaviour yet I am expected to hand over little one and play happy families? Why bother when little one gets here but not prior? SO cannot see my point and thinks I'm wrong not to forgive them when they've not apologised as they were misinformed about me.

Would I really be that unreasonable to avoid contact with this woman?

Mumzypopz Thu 01-Jun-17 12:57:05

What's an SO?

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Thu 01-Jun-17 12:57:05

Just a constant bashing off them via SO about how much of a horrible person I am

Why is he telling you this stuff? It sounds to me as if he may be using them as a mouthpiece for his own issues.

I would be more concerned about him than his family flowers

peachgreen Thu 01-Jun-17 12:59:29

Personally I'd be avoiding contact from your SO too - he sounds pretty vile. He's the one that's been lying about you, not defending you and passing back horrible messages from his family. I don't know why you'd want to be with someone who's not willing to stand up for the mother of his unborn child.

waitforitfdear Thu 01-Jun-17 12:59:38

Personally I would break with them all love. He sounds a nasty mummy boy. What's SO?

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Thu 01-Jun-17 13:00:09

SO = Significant Other

ZigZagIntoTheBlue Thu 01-Jun-17 13:01:11

Significant other? Are you the other woman? And agree with pp that you shouldn't have been told, I don't tell dh if my parents criticise him as it would make him feel bad and there's no need!

PotteringAlong Thu 01-Jun-17 13:03:14

How do you know they've said nasty things about you and it's not just your partner lying again?

Waltermittythesequel Thu 01-Jun-17 13:03:41

Significant other?

This relationship is doomed, OP.

DonkeyOaty Thu 01-Jun-17 13:04:04

You've posted about this before I think?

Rockaby Thu 01-Jun-17 13:09:40

Agree with pps. I'd be more concerned about your significant other. Is he your partner? Do you live together etc? He sounds like he's been stirring up a particularly nasty hornets' nest, hurting you by making up lies about you and then hurting you again by telling you what nasty things his family are saying about you. I wouldn't believe anything he said tbh. He sounds like a piece of work.

Softkitty2 Thu 01-Jun-17 13:12:52

Why are you with this person? He has screwed you over, their opinions of you will not change.
And your "SO" seems to be happy to tell you all the nasty things that have been said about you hmm

ohfourfoxache Thu 01-Jun-17 13:14:38

Why on earth are you with this man child?

SomeOtherFuckers Thu 01-Jun-17 13:22:56

Message his mother and say you'd be happy for them to be a part of baby's life but that you would first like an apology as even though you know it was a misunderstanding you're v hurt and worried that this behaviour will continue and your son will be exposed to it x

ComputerUserNotTrained Thu 01-Jun-17 13:36:49

He sounds like a real catch, OP hmm

ComputerUserNotTrained Thu 01-Jun-17 13:40:14

Sorry, that wasn't very constructive of me.

He sounds as nasty as his family tbh - probably worse. Do you know if he's telling the truth about what his family are saying about you? He's already shown himself up to be a liar; I wouldn't be remotely surprised if he's making it all up to hurt you.

Justanothernameonthepage Thu 01-Jun-17 13:42:45

I had issues with an ex's family due to stuff they'd been saying. Turned out it was Ex wanting drama and twisting things to make himself the good guy. I still feel guilty that I believed him. Best bet is to be straightforward, send a message saying that you've been told they've been saying hurtful things. You don't want to assume everything you've been told is true so you'd like to meet and start again. If they continue to say these things, then just leave organising contact to your SO. Tell your SO that you need back up and its his job to protect you and DC by not sharing gossip that will upset you.

user1496317025 Thu 01-Jun-17 13:55:13

Thanks for the replies.

We temporarily broke up due to me being so stressed with it all, he was adamant that I was the one who needed to see them to sort things, I don't feel this is right and it has driven us apart.
But I cannot physically be without him, or at least it feels this way.
He has caused a lot of problems, actually scrap that he's caused all of the problems in recent months. He is desperate to have all of his eggs in one basket, he fails to see he is using the basket he cut the bottom out of.
He desperately wants what he's never had, a happy well functioning family, he had a rubbish childhood, his mother lied to him regarding his birth father and didn't tell him until he was 16 despite his whole village and family knowing his "dad" wasn't his dad.
I have a feeling his upbringing has had a huge negative impact on him. He's grown up around people lying, having affairs, abuse you name it. Maybe this has contributed to him being the way he is and him failing to see how much lying impacts others around him.

I love the bones of him, I wouldn't be having his child otherwise. I just feel like I can't live with him but equally I can't live without him.
I don't want our child growing without a father. I have anxiety and I'm a pretty useless person, I can't drive, I hold myself back and generally avoid most situations that make me uncomfortable. I can't afford to live on my own, my family are supportive but I'm more than sure they don't want me and a child in tow hindering them. I just feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I want to trust him when he says he's told the truth. I'd like to believe he's realised the consequences of his recent actions. I'd like to think he's not going to repeat his destructive behaviour.

Rockaby Thu 01-Jun-17 14:01:32

From your last post op, you sound incredibly vulnerable. I think he is taking full advantage of your love for him and deliberately keeping you down. I won't say ltb or anything, but I would say please, please keep a strong bond with your own family and friends. Don't let yourself become isolated as you may need some support in the future.

Justanothernameonthepage Thu 01-Jun-17 14:13:28

Please read 'why does he do that'. And work on having friends/activities separate from him. It does not sound like a healthy relationship. Work on your self esteem and talk honestly with your family - don't let communications lapse. And remember, just because your life is a certain way now, doesn't mean it always has to be like that. A good and loving partner will always want to make your life better in a number of different ways. And think about what boundaries you need to be happy. It may be you decide you don't want to be around his family or hear about them at all. It may be that low contact works for you.

ComputerUserNotTrained Thu 01-Jun-17 14:38:38

I had a driving licence when I had ds, but there was no way I could afford a car. I survived. Years later, I found myself single again and having to start again from scratch. I could afford to rent a flat, so I was very fortunate in that regard, but I had to acquire literally everything from cutlery to beds to white goods. I did it all on a very, very tight budget using Gumtree, Facebook, accepting hand-me-downs from kind friends, slumming it for a short while (mattresses on the floor rather than beds for a few months), charity shop finds... it's doable.

Assuming you live in the UK, you will be entitled to financial help to raise your child as a single parent. It won't be easy, but it will be a hundred times better than putting up with the emotional abuse you're currently getting (and I honestly believe that it will get worse).

Talk to your family love, please flowers

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