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AIBU?

To buy cigarettes for a 16 year old

98 replies

Natalie1673 · 31/05/2017 19:00

So I have a stepson 16, he is a smoker and quite fond of it. He smokes inside the house despite me asking not to because of my sons asthma. But this isn't what worries us.

We have cut him off financially so he can't get cigarettes. The money we give him has to be spent in shops and he has to show us the receipts of what he buys and dh has the card for most weekdays and weekends only going out with friends. He doesn't have any job. We have been pretty strict we don't let him withdraw cash and we make sure he only uses the card in branded shops since we know Sainsbury's for example we probably ask for I.D if he were to buy cigarettes.

Despite all of this he has still been able to get hold of cigarettes. Not just a odd 1 or 2. I'm talking enough to maintain 10 to 15 a day. We ask how he is getting them who is paying for them and he won't tell us. He will say that it is from his friends. It is not his friends we know of since dh has asked the parents whether there son is supplying cigarettes and non of them think so.

It is not a small amount of money, dss only smokes Marlboro. Me and dh are worried that he is being exploited by someone so he get them. I read online that he might be dealing drugs to people for cigarettes and is used by drug dealers to get people to deliver. But it's usually with harder drugs and I don't think he would do something like that. He's a smart boy who knows the consequences of something like that. Also we live in a small village in the Home Counties and even in the nearest town I doubt many drug dealers exist. We are now considering just buying him the cigarettes until we get him to stop.

Would this be Aibu.

OP posts:

Report

hula008 · 31/05/2017 19:01

It's illegal to buy cigarettes for minors now.

Natalie1673 · 31/05/2017 19:01

Oh sorry forgot to add he is with us full time. He was Introduced to smoking by his older cousins in France, who generally have a relaxed attitude about the smoking but me and dh don't.

OP posts:

BuzzBuzzBuzzLightyear · 31/05/2017 19:02

Is it 18 to smoke now?! When did that happen?!

Natalie1673 · 31/05/2017 19:02

It's illegal to buy cigarettes for minors now.

Yes but someone we don't know is buying them for him. We would rather get them then a stranger. We are worried!

OP posts:

thelonelyscriptures · 31/05/2017 19:03

What you're suggesting is illegal.
You'd be better to try and help him quit.

ghostyslovesheets · 31/05/2017 19:04

yes YABU

help him quit and help him engage in education and training

Natalie1673 · 31/05/2017 19:05

You'd be better to try and help him quit

He refuses to quit and we got him a vape, niquitine and offered him incentives. He's been smoking for a year and a half.

OP posts:

Natalie1673 · 31/05/2017 19:05

help him quit and help him engage in education and training

His school work is fine he's currently doing his GCSEs.

OP posts:

Instasista · 31/05/2017 19:05

"What you're suggesting is illegal.
You'd be better to try and help him quit."

Well it's hardly the great train robbery is it?

How would you help him quit? He doesn't want to.

It's a tough one OP. I doubt, tbh, he's running drugs for fags. Why don't one of you follow him and see what he's up to?

Natalie1673 · 31/05/2017 19:06

If we could get him to quit we would but we are worried he's being exploited in the mean time.

OP posts:

ghostyslovesheets · 31/05/2017 19:06

sorry it's just that you said he 'doesn't have any job' which I took to mean he was unemployed

help him quit

caffeinestream · 31/05/2017 19:07

Is it 18 to smoke now?! When did that happen?!

At least two years ago now.

Natalie1673 · 31/05/2017 19:08

It's a tough one OP. I doubt, tbh, he's running drugs for fags. Why don't one of you follow him and see what he's up to?

Dh has tried that he got found out. The last we know of him being brought cigarettes by someone was a cousin in France we found a large pack in his suitcase. We through them away. That was back at Easter.

OP posts:

OriginalArchitect · 31/05/2017 19:09

It was 32 years ago when I first took a drag on a cigarette to make friends with the back of the bus girls. I gave up for six years to have my two youngest but started again when I got an uber stressful job and for the last year or so have been vaping. Its amazing! No smell, no cough, no stress. Maybe buy him a starter vape kit (around 30 quid for a decent one on Amazon). I got mine so my car didnt stink when commuting, but I rarely touch a real cigarette these days.

thelonelyscriptures · 31/05/2017 19:09

It's been 18 to smoke since I was 17 (10 years ago) because I was already a smoker at the time.

And @Instasista because following your child is great advice

khajiit13 · 31/05/2017 19:09

Tbh I'd let him get on with it, stop tracking his spending, he's 16. Is he not just buying his mates things at the shop in exchange for cigarettes? I'd focus more on the smoking in the house tbh. I wouldn't have that.

Natalie1673 · 31/05/2017 19:10

Ghosty

How would we do that when we have tried everything.

We have refused to give him money we have got all the help, offered a vape thing, got niquitine patches. We have tried absolutely everything we can think of. It's not as easy as saying get him to quit.

OP posts:

Instasista · 31/05/2017 19:10

Why not? It's to find out where he's getting them from.

Better advice than "help him quit" which is total crap

harderandharder2breathe · 31/05/2017 19:11

Stop giving him any money.

Far more likely he's buying things for his mates so he can show you the receipts and they're giving him the cash which he can then spend on cigarettes. That's much more likely than he's being used as a drugs runner

Natalie1673 · 31/05/2017 19:12

Is he not just buying his mates things at the shop in exchange for cigarettes?

No we have cut down his money so much the mates would be bankrupt. Plus we tract receipts if it was like that we'd pick up on it.

OP posts:

BuzzBuzzBuzzLightyear · 31/05/2017 19:12

Wow. That totally bypassed me

Florene · 31/05/2017 19:13

Who pays for his phone? If you have cut him off financially already and it's made no difference, time to look at something else.

maras2 · 31/05/2017 19:13

You may not be able to stop him smoking but you can stop him from smoking in your house.
Put your foot down OP's partner.Be a parent.Poor OP's kid

MrsDustyBusty · 31/05/2017 19:13

How much time is he spending unsupervised that he's got the opportunity to be exploited?

thelonelyscriptures · 31/05/2017 19:14

@Instasista so instead of helping the kid, you would rather betray his trust and show him the adults are meddlesome stalkers? Im sure he won't have any future issues 👌🏻

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