We're being stalked!

[thesqueezedlemon]

AIBU to think that the girl over the road is stalking us?

The dds have a friend who lives opposite us. Her parents don't seem to take the kids anywhere or do anything with them. They're usually found -wandering- playing in the street.

Last year we took her out with us on days out to various places. The dcs enjoyed having their friend there and it wasn't a great imposition but it became more and more of a frequent request. There were lots of sleepovers and her staying for tea aswell, again which I don't mind in moderation.

Now it's the holidays, every single day so far she has knocked on the door at the same time and asked if the dcs are playing out. I really don't mind them playing out. But she expects them to play with her till it's practically their bedtime. I've been asked for sleepovers 4 times in as many days.
Whenever we go out, no where exciting, maybe just to the shops she asks to come. I've started saying no and giving various excuses.
Today I was working and the dcs went to my aunties when we all got home the girl was waiting for us in her front garden and was straight over. The same thing happened yesterday. I found myself taking the dcs to the park (I obviously didn't tell her that) just so we could spend some time together. It's just too much!

Any advice?

[thesqueezedlemon]

Why didn't that work. wandering grr!

[AnUnhappyStudent]

Stop being mean about about families who may not be able to afford days out?

[thesqueezedlemon]

I don't think I said anything mean! It was an accurate description. They can afford days out. They choose not to.

[Shelvesoutofbooks]

Poor girl sounds really lonely.

[TitaniasCloset]

Aww she is lonely. Poor little girl.

[MumIsRunningAMarathon]

They might have their reasons!

She sounds lonely that's all. It doesn't have to be an issue you know..... just say no, not today!

[MumIsRunningAMarathon]

Your title isn't nice.....stalked? Really? By a little girl?

[AnUnhappyStudent]

How do you know they can afford days out? Or perhaps there are other reasons you are unaware of. You suggested that a child was stalking you and it was because the parents were remiss. That is mean.

[Smilingthru]

She does sound lonely and in need of company. Maybe just nicely say no and talk with parents? Explain you don't mind some playing, sleepovers, teas etc but not every day?

X

[WellThatSucks]

How is the OP being mean? How is it her responsibility to constantly entertain and cater for this child regardless of what her parents can afford. She took the child on several days out, has allowed sleepovers etc and it appears the child now more or less expects the OP to provide her with entertainment ALL the time. As for not being able to afford days out, it doesn't cost anything to go to the local park or playing fields, set up a play 'campsite" in the back yard, have a reciprocal playdate/sleepover in the home - so perhaps this child's parents could do their bit and entertain their own child and maybe offer to entertain the OP's for a change too.

[thesqueezedlemon]

Not so little. She's 12. I'm trying to find a way for my dcs not to be her entertainment for the entire holidays. It's hard to say no when she knows were in and not doing anything.

[LorLorr2]

Try seeing it from the kids point of views- they're having a fun childhood playing together 24/7, they'll look back on this when they're older and think what a dream it was!

Do you ever tell this girl 'sorry darling, not today' with no excuses? Or perhaps you could arrange what day and time they can have playdates so they all know that is when they'll be together, and will stay in the rest of the time?

[WildBelle]

There was a kid who lived next door who sounds just like the one your talking about. She was here every single day in the holidays and after school, even on her birthdays. Her parents didn't ever take her anywhere, and she always wanted to tag along with us, even if it was just to the supermarket.

It was really hard because I felt sorry for her, but over time it got a bit weirder, when for example if I'd been shopping and come home with something for each of my dc, she'd be obviously miffed she didn't have something too. It's like she'd started to see herself as one of my dc.

Luckily in the end she moved away. Haven't got any useful advice except maybe just prep her the day before if you don't want her round the next day. It is hard if they can see you're there and not really doing anything though!

[LorLorr2]

Sorry- just saw you said she's 12 so 'playdates' is probably the wrong word, but you get my meaning

[thesqueezedlemon]

Again unhappystudent I'm not being mean! I know they can afford days out etc. That's besides the point. I'm not going to say how I know because I'm not judging the parents. People live how they want. But it's impacting on my family. My children shouldn't have to be her entertainment. And I was looking for helpful advice to resolve the situation.
Waiting at her gate for us to get in, daily! I'd class that as stalking, regardless of age.

[1981trouble]

I have similar problems op. I specifically work term time only so I can spend time with my kids yet seem to acquire half the neighbourhood whenever we are home.

Just as I've written this, there has been a knock on the door.

I don't know what the answer is really, we try and plan our week in advance so the older kids know when we are around and I ask them to brief their friends so they know which days to knock on! Doesn't always work but it does reduce it a bit.

I find being quite firm with the visiting kids works and I have no issue in sending them home at a reasonable time and saying no it's family time now. It's frustrating that I have to do that most days but at least the kids don't seem to argue it

[AnUnhappyStudent]

Its mean because of how she is presenting this issue. She could just say no and perhaps there are other reasons that she is not aware of. By not saying no earier she does appear to have brough this issue on herself to some extent.

[WinnerWinnerChickenDinner0]

I can see how it could be annoying, but when I was 12 my best friend across the road spent every day light hour together during weekends and holidays.
I think it's just normal at that age

[Gowgirl]

I had this, it only ended when I moved.

[migrating]

I feel sorry for the little girl, but OP is reasonable to want some time without her.

As above, unless her parents are working and she is being left alone at home - fair enough, old enough at 12 - it's laziness not to take her out. It doesn't have to cost a fortune to entertain your child.

[YouTheCat]

No way would I be providing entertainment to a 12 year old, especially if it has never been reciprocated.

[RainbowJack]

YANBU

It sounds very invasive. Being constantly pestered feels like a drill to the head.

I think you need to be abrupt and tell her she is no longer to knock on your door during certain hours or at all and the kids will play with her if they're out.

[JenniferYellowHat1980]

A child waiting at a gate for her friends to come home is not stalking. How foolish.

[nina2b]

Children do not "stalk". I also find your use of "stalking" unacceptable.

[CleopatraTheCatLover]

I had similar some years ago, felt like neighbours child lived with us and never an invite to their house.