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To think I'm a really rubbish mum

(88 Posts)
Fitnessfanatic28 Wed 31-May-17 17:57:55

My son is 4 and he bores me to tears. I'm not depressed, I love him more than I can describe and he is in no way neglected as I meet all his needs.

I just don't enjoy doing any of it. I'm just playing a part when I'm with him. Pretending to enjoy playing with him, pretending to enjoy his conversation. Truth is I'm just not a maternal person and in hindsight I probably would have been better off not becoming a mother.

I don't regret him now he's here but I'd not have got pregnant if I'd known what having a child would be like. I don't know why I had one as I always found children boring. I was always that person who didn't cat when a co worker brought their newborn baby into work. grin

I work full time and love my job. I'm generally a happy person who loves my friends and family.

I can't wait for him to grow up so he's able to have interesting conversations and is more independent.

AIBU to say I'm a pretty awful mum?

I don't think I can change but I've come to accept it now. My Son is here now.

Fitnessfanatic28 Wed 31-May-17 17:58:31

Notice not cat!

allegretto Wed 31-May-17 17:59:21

He's 4 - give him time! I love chatting and going out with my children now but at 4 it was hard work.

Fitnessfanatic28 Wed 31-May-17 18:00:01

I'm a single mum. Left his dad aged 25.
Been a since mum since I was 24.

RoganJosh Wed 31-May-17 18:01:25

What do you enjoy? Try and do that? Walks in woods, visits to petting farms, painting, play doh, reading to him etc? Baking together? Going on a bus to have a picnic somewhere?
You don't have to play with paw patrol figures smile

Fitnessfanatic28 Wed 31-May-17 18:01:34

I'm sure once he's older I will be very different.

Right now though, I just find him boring.

ProudBadMum Wed 31-May-17 18:02:37

Kids are boring. I'm not keen on them either. I hated imaginary play because nothing I did was right

Mine is nearly 8 and hilarious. It gets less boring. Once you get past minecraft stage anyway grin

Fitnessfanatic28 Wed 31-May-17 18:03:04

I don't enjoy ANYTHING with him.

I've a huge list of hobbies.

If he's with me I don't enjoy it. I've tried everything. He just bores me. It's bad but true.

Just the thought of going to the park with him makes me feel bored. I do it. We go everywhere together and do lots of fun things. But when I'm smiling at him on the swings, it's all an act and I'd much rather but sat in costa reading a book!

Fitnessfanatic28 Wed 31-May-17 18:03:30

Glad it's not just me!

mynotsoperfectlife Wed 31-May-17 18:04:54

It's fine. My children bore me too. They are boring, annoying and whiny! Doesn't make you a bad parent or person

Pumperthepumper Wed 31-May-17 18:08:00

They are really boring though. I hate all the things my four year old likes, like the park and softplay, I'd much rather be in costa with a book too! But I do love time with him when we're not doing something boring, I love how he sees the world and his little opinions on everything. And he's so funny! But I agree, I think four is a kind of in-between age when they're still such babies but want to do their own thing. Like, I'm sure I'll like the park when I can take my book and coffee with us and he can just go off and play, but just now having to push the swing for a million years and lift him up to the slide and push the roundabout is just dull.

Ricekrispiecakes Wed 31-May-17 18:09:08

Well you don't sound so awful.

You say you meet all his needs, you work to support him. 4 year olds are quite boring really.

Do you get any quality time to yourself to do things you enjoy?

Do you spend much quality time with your ds, getting out and exploring, parks, theme parks, museums, eating out, going to the zoo.

Ime they do get good company when they get a bit older.

mynotsoperfectlife Wed 31-May-17 18:10:08

I think one of the problems with this age group is there's safety and comfort in routine and repetition. What's safe and comforting to them is so very dull to us!

They do get better. My eldest is ten now and I do love him but I really LIKE him now, he's quite a good laugh!smile

LorLorr2 Wed 31-May-17 18:11:12

No, you are not a rubbish mum, you just aren't enjoying motherhood. The fact you 'play the part' when you're with him means he's completely oblivious to your real feeling, which is a positive, and of course he's safe, fed and loved.

I've heard a few people, mainly men, say they did love their babies but had a lot more fun once they were 'actual' children. Perhaps for you it will just take longer? Get through these years and then eventually you'll be having much more mature conversations and he can regurgitate more complex topics he learns about. Keep holding onto that image, once he's at that stage this part of his life will probably seem to have flown by!

Ricekrispiecakes Wed 31-May-17 18:11:47

Is he in school yet? Have you got mum friends with dc the same age?

You can take your coffee and book to the park.

mynotsoperfectlife Wed 31-May-17 18:15:10

Tbf Rice most young ones won't give you a minute. I was at the park earlier with mine and it was just 'mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy watch me on this, mummy DD2 wants to go swimming no, she doesn't mummy, daddy says there are fairies up that hill cheers, daddy mummy, mummy , MUMMY.'

I am considering changing my name.

BellMcEnd Wed 31-May-17 18:16:45

I have a 4 year old. I love him hugely but my God, is he tedious! So so boring and bloody hard work. He has the attention span of a gnat. I also have 2 older boys (10 and 7) and they're great! Really good company and fun to be with.

They were also dire at 4! Don't give up hope. It will get easier.

BellMcEnd Wed 31-May-17 18:18:22

And yes x 899637 to mynotsoperfectlife's post.

That is exactly what DS3 is like

dotdotdotmustdash Wed 31-May-17 18:21:44

I didn't enjoy the kiddy stuff when mine were little, I rarely played with their toys with them either. What I did enjoy was taking them out to places and watching them experience new things. As they got a bit older I got them involved in activities - sports and music. When they got more involved and more skilled I became more involved in the running of the groups and the activity itself. My Dd has long since left Gymnastics but I'm an avid follower! Find something that you might enjoy exploring with him and you might find yourself a new hobby!

CaulkheadUpNorf Wed 31-May-17 18:24:21

Is he at school? I find that children change a lot when they begin reception. Do you have many friends with children of a similar age? That might help?

morningtoncrescent62 Wed 31-May-17 18:24:41

You don't sound like a rubbish mum - it's not rubbish to feel bored by the conversation/range of interests of a small child, it only becomes rubbish parenting when you use your boredom as an excuse not to engage with him.

I was also an SP (it's relentless) and was bored with the things you can do with pre-school children. My youngest was also a narrator at that age, and kept up a constant barrage of talk about what she was doing - thankfully, all that was required of me was an occasional 'mmmmm' and the odd nod or two! Things got a lot better once they reached about 7 years old, and we could do things that both they and I would find interesting. I also found that once they developed a proper sense of humour (as opposed to falling about laughing because one of them has burped/farted) it got a whole lot more interesting to.

Is there a time of day you find him acutely lovable? For me, it was bedtime, when they were in their pyjamas nodding off to sleep, and I would remind myself then how lucky I was to have them. It did something to keep me going through what often felt like hours of tedium.

Hang on in there, OP. You won't always find him boring. One day you'll look round and find he's become very good company!

NeopreneMermaid Wed 31-May-17 18:31:41

It's definitely not just you. I remember watching that series with Prof Robert Winston called Human Instinct (on BBC about 15 years ago) and him saying that humans evolved to look so cute when they're young because the parents want to take care of them. Take away the cuteness and lovability and they are just dull, boring, repetitive hard work.

It feels relentless and I say that as someone with a load-sharing DH. You sound like you need a break. Anyone you can get to look after him while you sit in Costa for an hour/have a weekend away? Parents/friends/childminder? Does he see his dad at all?

Fitnessfanatic28 Wed 31-May-17 18:33:13

I get loads of help, I work full time. He still bores me. Nope, don't enjoy any of it.

My best friend is the same. So at least I can discuss this with her.

I cannot wait until he's 18!

nuttyknitter Wed 31-May-17 18:34:50

Is there really nobody else who thinks four year olds are fascinating? I've brought up my own DC and am now loving being closely involved with my DGC - children are amazing from the minute they're born and, while I won't deny they're very hard work, I've never found them boring.

Fitnessfanatic28 Wed 31-May-17 18:37:31

My sons dad is the same. He thinks my son is fab. He'd be better off living with him to be fair.

He never wants to leave him.

I think it's depends on your personality.

I just don't like children. Don't find them cute either. My idea of a living hell is working with children. Just the thought!

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