Quick poll - Is this the right level of punishment?

[ChickenAndSpinachBalti]

Help MN jury. DS (nearly 9yo) took something of mine. Without asking. So he stole.

Just a cheapo, silver (ish) chain which was broken and in the kitchen-drawer-of-crap. Think it was there with a vague thought I may try and fix at some time. Been there for a while years probably. If he had asked I would have given it to him without a thought.

He was borrowing (and had asked nicely) some safety pins to make a pirate costume. I pointed him to the drawer of crap. He saw the necklace and thought it would be great "treasure" for their game. Took it. Didn't ask.

DD (11yo) came and told me later.

DS now currently sent to his room for an hour. Our neighbours boys are over so he can hear everyone still playing pirates without him.

He is already under caution (and had electronics taken away) for watching Minecraft videos when told not to. (broke trust/disobeyed direct request)

So I need a sanction for the stealing. It is his birthday at the weekend. We are going out with all of us/celebrating with DH/doing cakes etc on the Sunday as DH will be there and then on his actual birthday - Monday - DD/DS and I were planning on going to Harry Potter World (it is Inset day here).

Is it too harsh a punishment to cancel Harry Potter World? For stealing? He doesn't seem to get it when he has done wrong. Says sorry but just looks a bit sulky when he does so. I really want to get the message across that twice he has broken trust (videos and now stealing) and this is really bad.

Or am I overplaying it?

AM so cross right now I am not sure if IABU or even too soft cos I love him even if he has been a toe-rag

Thank you

[ChickenAndSpinachBalti]

Sorry - that was long. But wanted to give context so MN Jury could judge the full picture.

[SaucyJack]

What?!

Fuck, I thought I was harsh

Why keep valuable stuff mixed up in the "drawer of crap"? And if it isn't valuable, why the frick do you care that he played with it?

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

Or am I overplaying it?


yes!! Jesus he took a manky old chain from a kitchen drawer that you never use, and dont miss. In his own home

Had he taken your Tiffany Tennis bracelet, but as far as I can he thought it was junk..

maybe I am too chill but your post has actually really shocked me

cancel Harrp Potter for taking something unused from a junk drawer!

[Justmadeperfectflapjacks]

Unless he took it to the pawn shop and bought cigarettes /alcohol pops /a porn mag then yabvu. . .
Poor kid. .

[Birdsgottaf1y]

Well too harsh.

He's nine and was caught up in the moment, probably didn't think of it as any more valuable as the safety pins.

I think you calling it stealing is a bit ott.

[myheadsamess]

But he hasn't stolen it. He took it to play with. From a drawer of crap which you directed him to for safety pins??

Think I'd be disciplining you for your lack of explicit instructions or an inability to keep precious things somewhere safe

[WalkingOnLeg0]

Taking a chain from a kitchen drawer of junk to use in a pirate game is NOT stealing from you. YABVU and should stop treating your DS so badly.

[halcyondays]

I couldn't get worked up about either of these offences tbh.

[harderandharder2breathe]

If it's in a drawer of crap, I think of it as general household stuff, not something precious that only belongs to you.

Missing his birthday trip to Harry Potter world for taking a broken chain out of a drawer of crap for a pirate costume seems extremely harsh.

[GlitteryFluff]

I think being in his room for an hour is enough punishment
Talk to him, explain you'd prefer he asks next time etc then let it go.

[ShinyGirl]

Is this a joke?

If not, go and get him down the poor kid.

[hottotrotsky]

Ridiculously over the top and harsh. He didn't steal. Don't leave shit lying around if u don't want ur dc appropriating it.

You'd be callous and puerile to cancel the Harry Potter outing for sth that was ur fault in the first place. Your poor ds.

[myheadsamess]

Is there something else going on with you that you seem unsure of your response? It's just it seems so wildly out of proportion? Sorry if that's rude to ask

[Reow]

If it was in the drawer of crap he probably thought it was crap.

I wouldn't punish him at all. I'd remind him to ask before he takes things that are not his, but it's not like he stole from your jewellery box.

[user1491572121]

Dear me. You sound unhinged!

It was in a "drawer of crap" it was broken...and cheapo.

Are you being serious??

[AGrinWithoutACat]

I think you are being a bit harsh, he is 9 and the thought process prob went along the lines of "cool, treasure, let's play" not "I will take this and no one else can have it, mwa ha ha"

You have given an in the moment consequence directly related to why he did it - anything more especially when it is completely unrelated to what he did is over the top and you risk having a resentful child who just sees punishment without any clear link to what was wrong so it will have no positive impact

[A1Sharon]

Are you actually serious OP? If you are then you need help, not your DS. The fact that you may have written this in seriousness is troubling, I mean no one reacts like this to such a trivial thing.

[OlennasWimple]

What the others said

I'd have a word with DD about being a snitch too

[hottotrotsky]

You're a fuckn bully, frankly. Get the poor lad down.

Hope to fuk this is a wind up.

[MyNewBearTotoro]

Woah. I think sending him to his room for an hour whilst friends are over is a pretty harsh punishment already.

If the old broken chain was in a drawer of crap he probably thought it was worthless and didn't think you'd mind him playing with it. I would hardly call this stealing - it doesn't sound like he had any intent to hide this from you or keep it indefinitely? He probably thought it was no big deal (I think the same) and figured he could return it to the drawer with the safety pins once he finished his game.

I think you have totally and completely overreacted here.

[Happyland76]

That's very harsh in my view.

He took a piece of broken tat from the drawer of crap that you didn't even remember was there to use as part of a game he was playing. And you've sent him to his room for an hour when his friends are there and prevented him from playing something he was really into. That's quite mean in itself. But now you're asking if you should also cancel part of his birthday celebrations? Your poor DS

Fair enough if he had taken something particularly special / valuable and then also broken it but that is not what's happened here.

You sound dramatic and controlling - it's his house too.

[BigBlockofCheese]

Your sanctions seem like a massive overreaction to minor transgressions. He's probably sulking because he thinks it's unfair and I'd have to agree with him.

Pick your battles. Cancelling HP would be for actual theft of say a tenner from your purse, not harmless use of something of yours in a game. I would tell him to ask before taking next time and leave it there.

[Petalbird]

What's wrong with them taking stuff out the draw of crap? I would have thought that was family stuff. And why (unless the kid is like 3) does he need to ask for safety pins?

[Birdsgottaf1y]

Also did your eleven year old tell you when the other two showed up?

If so there's a level of bullying going on.

TBH, a lot of Siblings would have just told the other one to put it back.

Or do you use him to Police the other?

[FoofFighter]

An hour in his room missing out on playing pirates with his mates sounds like ample punishment.

Taking away a trip is far too heavy handed imo