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AIBU?

To be really effed off that the baby is on Facebook?

31 replies

Mummagrizzlebear · 31/05/2017 13:02

Bare with me on this because I will have to tell the back story in order for it to make sense.

When I was pregnant with my first DC, my Aunt had very opinionated ideas about what my DH and I should be doing - for example she thought it disgusting that we found out the sex of the baby, she didn't want us to tell her DD (my cousin) as it would ruin it for her so therefore tried to ban us from announcing on Facebook to friends what we were expecting, she wanted to be the first to visit me in the hospital after I had given birth (I was out within 12 hours of giving birth so couldn't anyway). Then to top it all off when she found out she couldn't come to the hospital she requested that she be at our house when we arrived home. I got home from hospital to find my Aunt, her DD and her DD's best friend in my house all waiting to hold our newborn. I was absolutely knackered and just wanted to be on my own with my DH and new baby. So I have a lot of resentment about that.

Fast forward 5 years and her DD got pregnant. Everything was different for her - she was "allowed" to find out the sex and announce it, her DD was the one to dictate who she had to visit her in hospital and in what order etc. Her DD has been home from hospital for 5 days and we haven't been asked to visit the baby. When questioned when we can visit, we were told that her DD was not up to visitors - fair enough, I understand despite being narked that they were al waiting at my house when I arrived home.

Today I see on Facebook that a friend (not a close friend I might add) of my cousin has seen the new baby and has posted pictures all over Facebook of my cousin posing with the baby. So I've seen the baby for the first time on a Facebook post.

AIBU to be really fucking upset that they treated me so badly throughout my preganancy by dictating to me when they would see my baby etc but now the table has turned she's allowed non close family members to meet the baby (despite telling us she was not up to visitors) and post pics on Facebook before me or my family have even set eyes on him?!

OP posts:

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Shoxfordian · 31/05/2017 13:11

I don't know why you agreed to so much rubbish from your Aunt when you were pregnant. It should have been entirely your choice how much you put on Facebook if anything and when you had visitors.

Her daughter obviously doesn't have any of this nonsense from her

MrsHathaway · 31/05/2017 13:14

Maybe she's got a grip in the intervening five years.

You really need to eye roll and give your own daughter a big squidge.

FacelikeaBagofHammers · 31/05/2017 13:17

I don't know why you listened to your Aunt's opinion in the first place! Surely what you do with your baby is down to you and your husband!

I wouldn't give it another moment's thought. Though you could say it to her if you like, not for her sake but for yours so you can put it all behind you and get on with your life!

Mummagrizzlebear · 31/05/2017 13:18

shox I didn't put up with any of it - we found out the sex, we announced it on Facebook and I had no visitors in hospital despite her demands. Them both turning up at my house I knew nothing of until I came home to find them there.

OP posts:

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 31/05/2017 13:21

Just feel relieved her meddling has moved over to her own dd - just varying her methods likely. ..

Highalert · 31/05/2017 13:22

Let it go. Lifes too short to give a shit about something that happened years ago.

peachgreen · 31/05/2017 13:23

I think you're annoyed about the wrong thing. YABU to be annoyed about how you first "see" someone else's baby, but YANBU to be annoyed about the unreasonable behaviour from your Aunt when you were pregnant / had just had your baby.

AtMidnight · 31/05/2017 13:32

AIBU to be really fucking upset that they treated me so badly throughout my pregnancy?

Yes. Not because your Aunt wasn't annoying but any kind of response other than mild annoyance is unreasonable.

FizzyGreenWater · 31/05/2017 13:32

Hah! I'd turn up on the doorstep. Then look puzzled at the outrage and say 'Yes but we felt the same and YOU insisted on meeting us from the hospital? Now get out of the way, let me in, tell Cousin to put her boob away, hand me that baby and make me a feckin' cup of tea.'

JOKE!

Itsjustaphase2016 · 31/05/2017 13:37

By being all annoyed and angry that you aren't allowed to see the baby yet and can't go over with seconds of it being born, you are being just as silly as your aunt was!!

Yes she was obviously totally out of order but tbh your whole family set up seems quite unconventionally close and in each other's pockets anyway.

Just take a step back

NicolasFlamel · 31/05/2017 13:39

How did they even get into your house if they were in it when you got home?
You need to let it go. It's not benefiting anyone to stay angry about it.
It's up to your cousin who gets to see the baby, just as it was up to you when it was your time.

viques · 31/05/2017 13:40

Send congratulations to your cousin and silent thanks that her mother is hers not yours. You will get to see the new baby soon I expect and he will still be very new and special. you know from your own experience that visitors can be a pain with a new baby so while you are irked about other people visiting, your cousin is probably relieved that you are not adding to her stress.

and stop viewing the world through Facebook, it is not real life.

araiwa · 31/05/2017 13:41

so much drama about something that happened 5 years ago

i really dont know how some people get through their days with so much baggage

NightWanderer · 31/05/2017 13:41

oh gosh, my in-laws were the same. They would come and spend all day, deliberately wake the baby up for a cuddle and just be really selfish and rude. Now SIL has a baby, we weren't allowed to even see it for more than 5 minutes, no one is allowed to visit the house, so many rules. Because, guess what? They are still rude and selfish. It's why we don't see them anymore. It's the hypocrisy!

migrating · 31/05/2017 13:42

Your aunt was totally out of line, and you are NOT BU to still be annoyed about it.

However, YABU to be annoyed about facebook. Many young mums prefer having their friends around than family they are not close to, it's more relaxed. I understand where you are coming from, it's just that being family doesn't give you priority over a baby.

I really dislike the entitled attitude towards baby (general comment here!), family should see them first, have a right to a cuddle.. Nope, it's up to the parents, they are not a toy, people should back off.

Funnyonion17 · 31/05/2017 13:45

Hmm, so her DM was over bearing to you. So now you feel entitled to her experience given your treatment?

You should have stood up for yourself and said no visitors till you was ready! Your cousin is entitled to do that, your Aunt sounds crazy tbh.

Naturebabe · 31/05/2017 13:47

YANBU - she sounds horrid and vile

Hissy · 31/05/2017 13:50

Smile, because she's done her worst with you and you are officially off the hook.

her baby, her choice, maybe her mother made her life hell too? good for you that you didn't pander to this odd aunt

Mummagrizzlebear · 31/05/2017 13:51

It's more the fact that we are being told we can't go and see the baby because she's not up to visitors, yet clearly she has had visitors. I didn't turn them away when they were waiting when I came home from hospital as I didn't want to cause bad feelings. We are quite close to my aunt as she looked after us a lot when we were young, hence why some of you may think it's abit weird that I would care so much about seeing my cousins baby.

OP posts:

WomanWithAltitude · 31/05/2017 13:51

Your cousin can do what she likes, it's her baby. It sounds like she has been able to draw her own boundaries, and good for her.

Yanbu to be annoyed at how your aunt behaved, but why didn't you or your husband tell her to fuck off when you found her in your house? Why did you let her stay, when you were so upset it bothers you 5 years later? How did she even get in?

WomanWithAltitude · 31/05/2017 13:55

Your cousin is entitled to choose who visits her, and when they do so.

Just like you would have liked to do, but didn't.

I think it's a lesson in how important it is to enforce your own boundaries, because no one is going to do for you, and no one is going to give you a medal for letting someone walk over you.

Jux · 31/05/2017 14:03

When you next fall,masking to visit, can you drop something lightheartedly into the conversation about not ambushing them when they got home from the hospital.....

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HildaOg · 31/05/2017 14:06

How she behaved towards you is not her daughters fault, she isn't obliged to suffer because you and your husband failed to shut this aunt down.

I understand your anger towards your aunt but take it as a learning experience to not give other people so much power over you, to have strong boundaries and enforce them.

Fruitcocktail6 · 31/05/2017 14:06

Why on earth is your aunt so involved in your pregnancy and life? Bizarre.

Neutrogena · 31/05/2017 14:39

I can understand it's hypocritical, but why not try and let it go instead of holding onto an optional resentment?
Misery is optional, and you are volunteering for it with this attitude, which is not great for your child. An angry, bitter, resentful mother would not be top of any child's wish list
Love yourself and your family and let it go.
Forgive them and then you'll find the anger has dissipated.

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