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To not engage with DM until she engages with counselling?

(2 Posts)
StrongerThanIThought76 Wed 31-May-17 12:37:04

Long story short. DM diagnosed with cancer 3 years ago. Has had life changing surgery and now is cancer free. Lots of issues during her treatment - I was expected to drop everything (single parent, full time job, 2 DCs) whilst my sibling stayed away. 6 months post op DM expected to drop everything to support sibling with (imho) a situation that is fairly common and shouldn't have needed DM to sort. Also sibling not prepared to take steps to alleviate situation themselves.

Subsequently my and DMs relationship has fallen into a downward spiral. I'm in the wrong and made to feel guilty for not being physically (sometimes) and emotionally (eventually) able to support DM whilst sibling despite a very obvious distance is being bent over backwards for. This is after 2 years of everything I do and say being criticised from a 'you could be helping me instead of x y z, refusing to go back to the gp or oncologist, refusing to seek specific help, just driving me into my own state of helplessness and depression at being such a shit daughter)

I've suggested DM gets some counselling for stuff around her diagnosis and treatment but she refuses to engage with any of the support groups eg MacMillan etc. She went to the GP who told her he couldn't make a referral, she saw the practice psychiatric nurse who refused to refer as "she's not a nut job".

After counselling for another issue myself I know we both would benefit from some support (and her comments about people who need counselling are nut jobs really REALLY hurt).

AIBU to tell her that I'm not prepared to engage any more until she seeks help?

x2boys Wed 31-May-17 12:49:14

counselling only really helps if someones willing to engage though ,i,m current;ly having counselling after traumatic experience that i found difficult to move on from its giving me an opportunity to talk through things with someone who is objective ,i agree people who engage in counselling are not nut jobs but how do you think it will help your mother if she wont engage and doesnt think it will be beneficial?

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