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This is a tad controlling right?? Wedding related

(41 Posts)
spottysuperted Wed 31-May-17 07:47:50

Popped up on DP's Facebook, someone hasn't seen for years so not directed at us.

We're planning our own wedding at the moment and we've clashed ever so slightly over some etiquette points that he just doesn't get grin

But keeping tabs on hotel bookings and announcing via Facebook you won't be on the table plan?!

Giraffeski Wed 31-May-17 07:50:30

How are they checking people have booked accommodation? shock

spottysuperted Wed 31-May-17 07:51:42

I assume you have to send her your confirmation grin

chickendrizzlecake Wed 31-May-17 07:53:19

If I was wavering about whether to go or not, that would definitely decide me against!!

emilybrontescorset Wed 31-May-17 07:54:10

Why do you need to stay overnight in a hotel to attend the wedding?

KittyVonCatsington Wed 31-May-17 07:54:23

Yes, the 'and booked' part is very weird but perfectly acceptable to want you to confirm you are going-if they are doing table plan she already, it must be pretty close to the wedding.
What are you going to do, OP!? grin

ScarletSienna Wed 31-May-17 07:55:15

Why must accommodation be booked at all?

TheNaze73 Wed 31-May-17 07:57:03

Whoever posted that, needs a hobby!

Instasista Wed 31-May-17 07:57:49

I had an invite like that and thought it was really rude. And bossy

MrTumblesbitch Wed 31-May-17 07:58:20

Tell them you are planning on sleeping in the car grin

How on earth is she even going to check?!

spottysuperted Wed 31-May-17 07:58:55

Scarlett unfortunately / fortunately I'm not invited - 'friend' of DP's from ages ago

Showed me this morning with this face shock

Smeaton Wed 31-May-17 07:59:26

I would have replied to the invite within a day or two with a nice, simple,
"I assume your paying for the hotel rooms then? expecting guests to pay to in attend your wedding is a bit rude."

That would likely ensure I'm off the table plan.
What a shame.

Snap8TheCat Wed 31-May-17 07:59:46

Is it abroad?

moutonfou Wed 31-May-17 08:02:29

I mean it could be more politely worded but are you sure they're not marrying abroad or in the sticks or something? Where if someone leaves booking accommodation too long they might end up without?

Although the tone could be nicer, I'd be gutted to pay what, £75/head minimum for people just not to show up and it to be too late to replace them?

wowfudge Wed 31-May-17 08:02:42

Ah - they've got a deal on the event room which is dependent on how many hotel rooms are booked. So the guests are funding the do. They sound pure class on the basis of the FB post alone.

Optimist1 Wed 31-May-17 08:02:42

It appears that invitations were sent out with "RSVP before <date>" , that date has passed and some people haven't replied. Since the more usual channels of communication aren't working the bride and groom have resorted to FB to drive the point home. I sense their frustration and don't think it's controlling. Probably the point about accommodation is that it's limited and that it needs to be sorted if invitees need to stay over, rather than a demand to see a booking confirmation!

Vroomster Wed 31-May-17 08:02:44

To expect people to RSVP is fine, expecting people to confirm accommodation is batshit.

spottysuperted Wed 31-May-17 08:04:03

In a city

Chottie Wed 31-May-17 08:06:02

To me, that just sounds like a bride at the end of her tether. She has sent out the invites and just needs to know whether people are coming or not, so she can confirm numbers with the venue.

SisterhoodisPowerful Wed 31-May-17 08:10:14

It depends on how soon the wedding is too. 6 months in advance is a tad controlling; 10 days in advance and she has more patience than me.

MangosAndPapayas Wed 31-May-17 08:14:55

That is crackers. If it's in a city, it's perfectly possible for people to come to the wedding and leave - drive home or catch a cab/train out of there.

Even if your friends all live in London and you are getting married in Edinburgh this is do-able.

I think it's more the tone of it (the capitals as well as the wording) that I object to. I think I'd really want to reply

You are right to assume that I won't be coming because I OBJECT to being ordered to in that tone to do anything let alone BOOK ACCOMODATION for a wedding. Traditionally attendance at a wedding has been a purely voluntary activity.

scaryclown Wed 31-May-17 08:23:15

Just sounds like someone who has some flaky friends who needs to make it clear.

This is like saying your cleaner is 'a neat freak' or your doctor is 'really nosy' its a wedding organisers job to be direct and clear.

Next thing you'll be saying is 'she has actually listed where people are sitting wtf?!?! how mental and controlling^

InvisibleKittenAttack Wed 31-May-17 08:26:58

Wait, does she mean "confirmed" to her the week before that they are going? Assume invites were sent at least 6 weeks before, that's very rude and yes, I would be saying if you hadn't confirmed you were coming the week before then no, you aren't coming. The booking accomodation might well be because family have form of saying they are going, leaving it until the day before then pulling out of events because they now can't get a hotel room sorted....

I sadly know people who will happily say "yes, yes we'll be there!" for 6 months or so, without making any effort/thought about how far away a wedding/christening is and if there's public transport at the times they can travel that'll get them there, if they'll need to stay over (and if they can find anywhere and afford it), if they need to actually ask the extended family they want to look after their DCs/pets if they can do it etc until a couple of days before, at that point, deciding that actually they can't make it.

(I nearly got caught out last weekend, we had a wedding to go too, there's lots of local hotels, I left it unti a month before hand to book the hotel and then realised there was a sporting fixture on the Sunday near by, so most of the cheap "travelodge" type hotels in the town were already booked up for the saturday night and Google was showing me fancy hotels with rooms for £300 a night! However as I had a month to sort it, I spoke to one of the bridesmaids who's local who pointed me in the direction of a small B&B.)

Phoebefromfriends Wed 31-May-17 08:33:27

I went to a wedding once where they sent you pictures of the outfits they wanted to see.....

NeverTwerkNaked Wed 31-May-17 08:38:36

phoebe shock

I would never have done this. But i do have some sympathy for the bride. When exH and I got married we had a fairly small wedding (40ish people) and his 5 friends all assured us they were coming but never actually sorted accommodation (it was too far to do in a day) and only announced they couldn't afford it a few days before the wedding. Too late for us to invite others.

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