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Friendship losses

(6 Posts)
tiredandgrumpy101 Wed 31-May-17 00:09:01

So my bfff has been my bff for 25plus years, she's going through a difficult time, single parent,kids with additional needs etc. I thought we were there for each other and now I'm feeling disappointed and need to know if it's me or not! It's very much a I call her relationship,if I don't call her I get the hello stranger remarks, we were meant to be going out last weekend tried to call & text no response in the meantime I found two lumps one in armpit & one in breast, told her to which response was you'll be fine your mid cycle (I'm not) we didn't go out as planned her call I've heard nothing from her since, yet she keeps tagging me in crap on Facebook, this afternoon my eldest broke his leg on a school trip abroad text her and nothing ,this is a girl that will call my house at 11pm if I don't answer my mobile, I have 4 kids sleep is precious but I get up and talk her off the ceiling, am I being a mug? Or am I expecting too much from a friend x

BoysaDearyMe Wed 31-May-17 00:30:59

You're not being a Mug, you're a good and thoughtful friend who is not appreciated. Your friend has let you down by showing a severe lack of concern regarding the lumps you found and now about your son breaking his leg while abroad.
Back off from her, let her do the running and if she doesn't, well then it's her loss

Iwasjustabouttosaythat Wed 31-May-17 03:39:06

I'd let almost anything go for a single parent whose kids have additional needs. Are the kids young?

She's a very old friend. I assume she hasn't always been like this so maybe she'll change again when her situation does. Sounds like she's having a really hard time and can't give the relationship the attention it deserves. I'd keep her around but not as your go-to, and see how it all looks in a few years when things have (hopefully) calmed down. It doesn't sound like she means you any ill will.

Chloe84 Wed 31-May-17 03:52:58

I would match her level of communication. Definitely stop answering the phone after a certain time (9pm maybe)? Your priority is getting that precious sleep and being there for DC, not being agony aunt to someone who can forget about you until she needs you.

You talk her off the ceiling but she is uninterested in your breast lumps scare and children. It's all about her.

K1092902 Wed 31-May-17 08:07:34

Take a step back OP.

I had a friend like this- as much as I loved her and as shit a time she was having she was not appreciating my support so I had to take a step back- for the sake of my own mental health.

She would get pissed off at first that I wasn't making the same effort but was clear what I wanted- a thank you for the effort I go to which isn't much to ask. It got to the stage when she just expected me to drop everything and help her and I just wasn't willing to do that.

Sad as it is because I did care a lot about her and I know that nobody will be supporting her as well as I did- the friendship eventually fizzled out.

CoraPirbright Wed 31-May-17 08:55:52

It does all sound very much like a one-way street, with you making all the effort, giving her all the support and her sucking it all up. A pp mentions letting almost anything go when the person is a single parent with kids with additional needs and I do agree with this but only up to a point. And that point, for me, would be something serious like the discovery of a lump. She may well have very little extra capacity in her life but just a simple 'thinking of you' text takes very little.

Btw - what happened with the lumps - are you ok? False alarm, I hope.

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