To Be Sat here drinking DS cider & refuse to cook dinner ?

[beginningtohatethewordflexible]

Live with Ds (a month off turning 18).

He is currently 'studying' for his A Levels which start next week. He went to the 'gym' at 2.30 AKA his mates house. I made him a hot lunch before he went to the 'gym'. He literally does fuck all around the house & revision is a dirty word.

So - I've made myself a sandwich, opened a bottle of his cider (horrible fruit one but I will persist ) & I'm going to refuse to cook his dinner when he finally rocks up due to his continued lack of any thought for anyone but himself & wait for the fall out.

[onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad]

I could have written your post except my son is busy not revising for his GCSEs. Instead he is meeting his girlfriend (who is also not revising for her GCSEs), playing footie and this afternoon is at the cinema. He also has a supply of dark fruity cider - maybe I should take a leaf out of your book while he's out.

[Atasteofcreme]

YANBU

When he asks where it is, give him the side eye and said "fucked if I know", then go back to watching the TV. I'd even add a little dab if it was me.

[Violetcharlotte]

I'm so pleased I'm not the only one feeling like this! DS2 is in the middle of GCSES had done fuck all revision, all he wants to do is go out with his friends or play PS4. Apparently he's 'resting' after a tough week of exams last week

DS1 who is nearly 18 is out with his gf. He's not got exams, but has coursework to finish and is doing nothing about looking for a job.

Neither of them do anything that help round the house without making a massive fuss about it. They've driving me mental

[slavingaway]

YANBU. Although I would feel the need to sit him down and seriously talk to him about his future, as a teenager its so easy to think revision is boring and a waste of time (I did, I'm now 28) and wish someone had guided me, even if I temporarily hated them because of it.

Sorry if OTT I have had an awful time recently and when I see threads (even lighthearted) about teens not making an effort I just have to reply as I imagine someone ending up like me.

[Violetcharlotte]

Slaving you're absolutely right, but unfortunately teenagers know best you see. We, as ancient parents, have no idea what it's like.

[slavingaway]

True Violet, though if my son is like this when he is older I will do anything in my power to change it, even if he hates me, I would literally lock him in his room to get him to comply because I have had an absolute shit time working non stop, paying childcare, never seeing my son, never having money... and it goes on. Never ever would I have imagined this for myself :(

I am from a middle class family, both parents in successful careers, unfortunately they weren't natural parents and I never got any sort of guidance at all and was left to do my own thing. Now I am a single mother of a 7 year old, I have no career prospects, nothing. Every month is a struggle and anyone who knew me as a child or my family would never have expected this would happen (well I assume).

[waitforitfdear]

Ladies breathe and take heed.

My two older lads are these Ines above but just about managed to scrape A levels to get to uni.

Both switched courses after a year so arsed about/got a degree in 4 years not 2 and now both have good careers/partners and kids. Good dads too at 28/27.

Dd now 18 is terrifying, militant, and very fake tanned with those eye brows but fuck me she works her arse off to achieve and is on course for good A level results.

Most teenagers obviously not all but most teenagers get there eventually with I think boys trailing slightly in the maturity stakes.

Op why the he'll drink crappy sweet cider? Wine took me through right from toddler to teen and now to grandmother. Up your game

[waitforitfdear]

violet apparently it's rents now for parents! The fucking irony is we paid their uni rents

[MatildaTheCat]

I almost tore my hair out trying to get ds2 to revise/ work for his exams. I genuinely didn't know whether to be pleased or annoyed when he aced them.

Sit with cider and crap tv. When he comes in demanding dinner just tell him you are busy working.

[Zaphodsotherhead]

You can advise all you like, but you can't FORCE a child to revise! (My qualifications: single mother of five). You also can't FORCE them to do anything around the house (particularly if, like my lot, any requests to do anything brings on a four hour argument about how 'you never ask him/her, you only ask me, why should I do anything when they never have to?' etc etc until everyone is exhausted and nothing has still been done.

Mine were a right bunch of buggers. However, seeing peers achieve, get good grades and good jobs or having friends who were studying/had ambitions was what helped my lot. Once they decided what they wanted to do with their lives and discovered that they actually needed degrees to do it - then they saw the point in working. And Uni sorted out the 'housework' elements - when they discovered the housework fairies didn't come, they soon learned. Still can't have them all at home together, mind, or the 'why should I when he/she isn't doing anything?' breaks out again...

[user1494237944]

I feel your anxiety DS didn't work in yr10 and so yr 11 and exams a nightmare - with the help of cgp books he did manage to get 7 gcse's, one year at 6th form and asked to leave due to lack of homework and rather dire AS exams, changed sixth form and did a level 3 btech - again instead of distinctions which he should have got he ended up with passes and credits - however he can talk the talk and got into Uni and just finished yr 2 on course for 2.1 - hang in there with the cider!!!

[pilates]

Atasteofcreme, you just made me grin to myself ....thank you!

I had a mental picture of the op doing that 😃

[Violetcharlotte]

On one hand I can't wait for the exams to be over. On the other hand, I know them that they turn feral and will be out all the bloody time with no consideration for the fact we've got work in the morning!

[Veterinari]

The revision stuff is one thing but the fact that your kids test you like a skivvy is another. Why aren't they involved in making dinner/doing chores? Why on earth would your DS demand dinner? Where did he learn to be so entitled?

[beginningtohatethewordflexible]

Thanks for all the replies.

Changed to wine now - much more palatable.

Still no show from DS.

I nagged and nagged throughout GCSEs and he got outstanding results but nagging a 17/18 is very very difficult (not difficult) but really there is no way of making them do it.

Veterini - I had a very very traumatic breakup with DS father in the last 18 months & I have probably over compensated in doing stuff for him that he is very capable of but just reached the end of my tether now as I know he is using my 'over compensation' to his advantage.

[Violetcharlotte]

It's very difficult isn't it? I've tried treating him like an adult and letting him self manage his revision and I've tried the nagging approach but neither seem particulate effective.

I don't think the hard line 'lock him in his room' approach works at all. My friends DH is doing this and all it's doing is causing a huge amount of stress and tension and damaging their relationship with their DS.

At the end of the day, it's up to them, we can't do it for them. It's just soooo frustrating that they're so short sighted. I keep saying to DS it's just 3 weeks. Then he's got the whole summer to do what he likes. But no, he knows best