AIBU to be pissed off with DH?(5 Posts)
There is a long history to this story which i won't bore you with but in general relates to me feeling that DH dumps all domestic duties/arrangements on me to sort out. We have been having difficulties for a while and had a consultation session for relationship counselling last week and then....
DSS (age 14, son from DH's previous marriage) had to change schools after Feb half term due to behavioural issues/general attitude. He is now at a school near where DH and I work approx 20 miles away from home. We have managed, since he started, to work between us getting him to and from school (DH works away a lot so often falls to me). I work part-time. Last week DH was away on a work do on Thurs night so I enquired about arrangements for getting him to school on friday (not a day i work). DH's ex wife couldn't do it. DH said initially about DSS getting the bus then changed his mind as decided wasn't reasonable (to be fair I agree as DSS would have to get bus before 7 o'clock). I suggested we ask if DSS could stay with BIL who lives 15 mins from school and also works near there. DSS pulled a face and made some negative comment about doing that. DH stated this was 'not very fair' on DSS because it was exam week. On Thurs morning when he left he said he would 'probably' get up at 6am and come back from his night away and take him to school on his way to work and that he'd text me.
Spoke to DH couple of times during day and nothing was mentioned other than to reiterate he would text me as he hadn't had anything to drink yet (it was only 5.30pm!). No text or phone call received from DH before I went to bed but I woke to see two missed calls from him made at 11.35 (a time by which i am normally asleep at). I rang DH when i woke up at 7.10 and he said that as he hadn't heard from me he 'didn't know what was happening'. I obviously then had to leap out of bed, wake DSS, throw clothes on, wake DS (age 3) and drive to school and back - a 45 mile round trip. To make matters worse DS wailed the entire way home because he saw the airport and declared he wanted to go to Gran and Grandad's house and there was no consoling him.
DH has not yet offered anything by way of an apology and during the course of a row about it on Friday night tried to suggest that he thought I was taking DSS to his Uncle's house and that he hadn't said he would text me. As an aside DSS did zero exam revision and went out with his mates arriving home 40 mins after the time he was told to as usual.
I am still furious about this, particularly as during the argument DH also referred to what I had said at the counselling session as 'sanctimonious shit'. I am not pissed off at having to take him to school (although I still think thats unfair given I am at home with DS that day) but more so at the way DH dropped me in it. I also consider it highly responsible as if I hadn't woken up til 8 o'clock then DSS would have been late for school. I know that friends and family would say DH was out of order but then they would obviously side with me so would like some objectivity as to AIBU?
Sorry for long post!
He sees you as staff. And appears not to care about that. He's also gaslighting you.
I would have got up and taken him rather than DH doing it though. Have you got to a place where people are right-fighting and not helping to make a point?
DH is a dick! He didn't want to sort the problem, didn't want to deal with DSS sulking about staying with BIL so he ran away from it knowing you would have to deal with it. I'd be really pissed off in your shoes. He would have had to sort something for DSS if you didn't exist. He sees you as his fall back and knows he can just fuck off and you'll pick up the slack. Not ok.
I think that was my issue. Whereas I'd prefer not to have to get up at 6.30 on my day off if there was no other alternative I'd have done it. The fact there was another alternative (i.e. the BIL option where I'd have still had to make the journey but at a more acceptable time, not in rush hour and combining with DS seeing his much loved cousins for an hour) which I'd have sorted out but he puts the wants of DSS above me and DS. But yes we have got to a bad place where we are fighting a lot 😩
YANBU to be annoyed that instead of either asking you to take DSS to school or making other arrangements for DSS he just created a situation where you 'had to' do it, but the end result is that because your DH was away from home you drove a teenage lad to school on a day when you are not at work and are therefore available for domestic tasks and childcare. Not worth a row, surely?
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