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To think my sister is drinking too much

(12 Posts)
Sammy92 Tue 30-May-17 13:34:27

I'm concerned about my sisters drinking.

She never used to drink a great deal but now I rarely see her without a glass of wine in hand. I mainly see her at family get togethers so having a few glasses is perfectly normal, but she'll drink the day before and on the day of the event. I literally haven't spent an evening with her where she hasn't drank in the last year.

She was having a bit of a low spell a year ago and had been prescribed anti depressants. Whilst taking these, she was at a family event and had a lot to drink. My mum confronted her about whether this was a good idea. She broke down in tears and told me she had been drinking every night for the past few months. I told her that it might be an idea to try taking the antidepressant without drinking for a while, to see if that helped the depression. I told he it might help to not drink for maybe the next month or so and give her body a break. I could see she was shocked by my advice and taken aback that I was suggesting she should quit alcohol for a while. Anyway, she decided to stop the antidepressants instead and I know she definitely drank after our conversation although I can't be sure of the frequency. Since that day she cried to me, she has maintained that she's now totally fine and is doing great without the medication.

She seems happy at the moment in many ways but I'm just concerned that I never see her not drinking anymore. I don't think I'd be worried if it weren't for everything that happened when she broke down crying that day.

Should I just let her get on with it? I just don't know what to do or if I'm maybe being dramatic. If I talk to her on the phone I often get the feeling she's had a drink, just by the way she talks.

Thanks for your help.

FreeSpiritJen Tue 30-May-17 13:44:23

All I can suggest is that you have a quite and gentle word in her ear. You can't tell people off for stuff like this as they will rebel, but let her know you are worried about her and you love her.

FreeSpiritJen Tue 30-May-17 13:45:16

'quiet and gentle word' not 'quite and gentle word.' (sorry typo.)

Sammy92 Tue 30-May-17 13:48:49

I feel uneasy about talking to her as at the moment, she is portraying that everything in her life is great. Especially since last time we talked, she disregarded all my advice. I think the only reason she opened up last time was because she was drunk. On the other hand though, I'd hate this to become a big problem in her life and to look back and think I did nothing to help.

PeanutButterJellyTimeforTea Tue 30-May-17 13:51:11

It doesn't sound like she wants to talk to your or take any advice from you. I'd leave her alone if I were you, you are going to push her further away if you keep on.

BastardGoDarkly Tue 30-May-17 13:52:03

There really isn't much you can do though?

She's an adult.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves Tue 30-May-17 13:52:43

It sounds like it's going to be hard for you to say anything without her getting defensive. Can you make more opportunities to hang out together that aren't family events/drinking occasions? It might be easier in those situations to see how she is really doing and get closer to her?

Kokusai Tue 30-May-17 13:57:11

Can you try and meet up with her at non-boozy things?

Like suggest she comes over for a day out with you for a walk, or to visit a museum, or something?

Sammy92 Tue 30-May-17 14:17:21

I live really far from her so on the rare occasion we're together, it's very easy for her to drink as we're not together all the time, she can pass it off as a one off. Difficult situation but I know you're probably right that there's not much I can do. A number of family members (aunties & uncles) have had alcohol problems, with quite awful implications on their family life and I'd hate to see this happen to her too sad maybe I'm worrying over nothing.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves Tue 30-May-17 14:31:51

You could be worrying over nothing, but it's lovely that you care about your sister and want to make sure she is OK. As you live so far away, the only thing you can do is ask? But I'd do this in a light way so she doesn't get defensive, and don't push on the point. Maybe give her a ring and just say 'Hey, you seem really happy now at the moment, I'm so pleased for you. After what happened the evening you cried, I just want to check in that everything is OK now?" You can't do much else, but you can ask.

MissBax Tue 30-May-17 14:41:18

Could you try and arrange seeing her for a none-drinky event? Like cinema/a walk/coffee etc and see how she seems?

Serenaballerina37 Tue 30-May-17 14:42:34

I think I would focus more on finding out how she is, letting her know she can confide in you, etc, rather than mentioning the drinking directly. She is probably drinking to handle painful things that are going on so I would major on those rather than the drinking itself.

Meeting up earlier in the day for a non-drinking activity (such as a walk, shopping etc) might be a good way to do this or chatting on the phone earlier in the day if you can't meet up.

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