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AIBU to keep my Dad away from DC until he's stopped taking steroids?

(18 Posts)
candypanda283 Tue 30-May-17 07:55:15

For a few years my Dad has been taking steroids on and off for bodybuilding, when he's on them he comes across really nasty and aggressive. He keeps telling me how people complain about him at work and he actually thinks it's everyone else who is wrong and not him.
He's quite rude anyway but he's just snappy and horrid on them. I have 3 DC, a 1 year old Ds and 2 newborns. The other day he was so impatient with my 1 year old and kept repeating his name again and again because my 1 year old was playing and ignoring him, and he also kept saying "erm I am here you know!!" to my son.
I was watching my son as he ran past eating raising while we were talking, and my dad said "erm are you even listening??" To me. I said "Yes I'm just watching DS too as he's eating and running" and my Dad just went nasty and said "yeah well dont worry im not staying" and stropped into my kitchen. He acted normal after but when I asked him why he was being funny he just acted so dodgy and weird.

I don't know what to do. Before when ive mentioned how rude he is on these steroids he's gone mad. He keeps asking every day if he can visit us and I'm running out of excuses but I dread the visits..

Itsjustaphase84 Tue 30-May-17 08:00:19

Oh poor you. this can't keep happening. Sorry to hear of this. If you feel you can't tell him in person,maybe write a letter or tell him over the phone.

This just makes it harder for you and you already have your hands full. YANBU.

Hope it improves but I wouldn't want him near my dc xx

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips Tue 30-May-17 08:00:54

YANBU at all, the steroid rage is very real. A family member was beaten and strangled by their body building boyfriend. Luckily she was OK and got a restraining order but it was a traumatic experience.

candypanda283 Tue 30-May-17 11:35:19

Thanks, I'm so worried about the fallout!! I don't know what to say to not cause trouble

HerOtherHalf Tue 30-May-17 11:40:56

I'd focus on the problem rather than the possible root cause. Steroids can severely change mood and increase aggression but you don't need to debate that with your dad. If you don't want him around the kids because you think he is a risk then that's up to you regardless of why he's like that. Are you sure you really do think he's a risk to the kids though and you aren't just using this as a way of voicing your disapproval of his steroid abuse?

candypanda283 Tue 30-May-17 11:43:07

Ah its not that i think its a risk, i find his lack of patience and attitude towards my toddler just so upsetting!

Oldraver Tue 30-May-17 11:44:42

You are nasty and aggressive to us all while you are on steroids. I will not expose my DC's to that so you will have to stay away until you are clean.

In a text if you dont feel up to facing him. And mean it. Please protect your DC's from him

llangennith Tue 30-May-17 11:47:57

Herotherhalf the steroids are her dad's issue, his aggressive behaviour is causing OP's problem.
OP if you're not happy with his attitude around the DC tell him not to call round every day. You can either tell him the truth or (also true) that you need to spend time with your toddler and newborns attending to their and your needs. Tell him once a week is ok but no more. If his aggressiveness persists you will have to call a halt to his visits for the sake of your babies' and your happiness.

cordeliavorkosigan Tue 30-May-17 11:49:01

i agree with Oldraver - you have to choose protecting your dc over wanting to avoid offending him, even if it'll be awkward or unpleasant. there's just no other choice, especially if he won't have a reasonable conversation about it. that text sounds right to me.

i guess one other option would be to call him on it, every single time, but it sounds like you've tried and it doesn't help!

Awwlookatmybabyspider Tue 30-May-17 11:55:44

Bad. !!!!. Its abysmal. I've never heard of such hostile clique nasty behavior.
Not providing food at a party. I've never known that.
Sounds like you'd have had a better time doing 20 years in Alcatraz.

Ratatatouille Tue 30-May-17 11:56:59

YANBU. I've heard way too many horror stories relating to 'roid rage' to subject my kids to that risk. At the extreme end of the spectrum, people have committed murders. Unlikely perhaps, but your dad is unpredictable while he is on steroids and the only way you can be sure to protect your DC is to keep them away. Your dad will probably be angry that you're stopping him from seeing the kids, at which point you need to remind him that it's actually him preventing contact and that as soon as he stops taking drugs he will be welcome to visit as usual.

iklboo Tue 30-May-17 11:57:33

Wrong thread Awwlook?

TreeTop7 Tue 30-May-17 11:58:51

There are a few steroidal types at my gym. They think they look like rugby players or rowers, but they actually look absurd, especially the ones with little stick legs.

Definitely prioritise DC - even if he'd never strike them, the verbal aggression is unacceptable. Tell him why.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Tue 30-May-17 12:04:43

Yes so sorry.

candypanda283 Fri 16-Jun-17 13:21:42

Update...he now isnt speaking to me. I told him that I was worried about him as he sometimes seems impatient with the kids. He went mad and messaged me saying he doesn't want to live his life on edge worrying if im analysing how he is with my kids and that I have hurt his feelings and to leave him alone. Hes not spoke to me for 3 weeks now..

candypanda283 Fri 16-Jun-17 13:22:59

He also said its no different than a woman on her period and that we are all slaves to our hormones...that really annoyed me.

mummytime Fri 16-Jun-17 13:35:09

Your DC are better off without him around.
Just don't allow him to creep his way back in and make out it is all your fault.

candypanda283 Fri 16-Jun-17 13:52:14

I'm thinking hes waiting until Sunday...will moan at not receiving anything and then ask me why I've not apologised. The way he's tried to turn it around is amazing.

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