So I'm feeling guilty about something that I've not done myself but have partly instigated... even if I do agree on a moral level.
Df has been, for want of a better word, a dick since my dm died. In the decade that has past he has close to disassociated our entire family and alienated us.
His dp is financially rinsing him. He pays all their bills and gives grocery money equivalent to my years grocery budget each month. She then siphons this off to her adult kids. This is all pretty much known but we're not in a position to say or do anything. Any time we've raised concern to my df/welfare etc his once open nature is very guarded etc. We've tried but have learnt to accept it.
Have been told that they won't be coming to see our new baby because it's too "difficult" (they live 5 minutes drive away from us but have a hyperactive dog that bites and chain smoke in their house so not suitable for kids).
It's all been a long tricky process and dsis and I have gritted our teeth and gone out of our way to get on with it.
Our dgm is our dd's stepmum but she is our grandma more than any other we've had. She lives far away but we go and see her whenever possible. Our aunt (dd's d half sister) has given up her freedom to care for her mum and look after her. Df hasn't been to see her more than once in 15/20 years. He actively avoids calling her because he says "there's nothing to talk about" and it's "depressing". Horrible behaviour.
Dsis and I have spoken about things and I found out that she spoke to dgm and said that we think she should leave everything to our aunt. I agree with this but am shocked dsis actually brought it up.
Df is well off (well he used to be. Doubt it now) and anything dgm would leave to him would just end up with his dp and children. She's already had everything my mum dedicated her life towards and we don't think that everything my dgm and dgd work towards should go to them either.
Apparently dgm didn't say anything but said she'd speak to our aunt.
I'm just a bit shocked and embarrassed that dsis has actually done this, even though I agree. Dgm made a promise to out dgd that she would make sure they were treated fairly but I don't think she could account for df's actions.
I'm not involved per se would never be as gutsy to speak about matters so freely but I feel guilty to be talking about df behind his back. Even if he's being an arse.
Is it bang out of order? We would gain nothing personally except contentment that the right people would get what they deserve.
Df doesn't even talk to his dsis now so I don't know if you could argue they would end up against each other.
I know for a fact dgm we're to go, df wouldn't go to her funeral. His dp was very rude to her the one time they did meet and burnt a fag burn into my dgd's chair (non smoking house too!)
But I also feel guilty that dsis has told a frail, housebound lady in her 90s all this sad stuff.
Gah not sure what to think. My heart is torn.
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Feeling guilty about dsis convo with Dgm
14 replies
turncoatchild · 29/05/2017 23:45
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