Posting here because I could talk to my lovely partner but they are already a bit worried about me, and I don't want to cause more worry.
I just feel very alone because I have no friends, and have a tense relationship with my family. I started having mental health issues in late teens and they came to a head in mid twenties. My relationship with my mother is ok but never been the same since.
I actively blamed her for leaving me as a baby with her own parents, because she had me as a teen. My nan was very loving but my grandpa disliked me intensely. My mum went back to drama school, then moved off to London. I've never had a relationship with my father, only met him a few times. My mum married a nice guy in time, but he had no interest in being a dad to me, went on and had kids with him. He was very honest and told me he liked me a lot, but didn't have the same love for me he had for my mum and my sisters.
Anyway, when I had my breakdown I blamed my mum for my upbringing being at the root of my self esteem issues. She was defensive and sometimes enraged, but did listen. She said she never thought it was that bad for me. She did apologize several times, in an angry kind of way.
The fact remains that no parent type person has ever warmed to me except my nan.
I am generally ok and just keep going with my life but sometimes feel very depressed. I have no friends really. I always expect people to dislike me and even when I do become friendly, I'm so scared of them turning on me. I've had a couple of very long term friendships and always thought I was doing ok, but both of these went wrong in the last few years. I was frequently excluded at school. I always had friends for a time, but always say or do the wrong thing and people just dislike me then.
In the friendships I do have or have had, I've come to realise how people treat me very carelessly or sometimes even with contempt. For a long time I tried to laugh everything off so people would think I was just very easy going.
I don't even know why I'm posting, I just feel very lost because I feel like I'm not mentally ill I'm just a person nobody likes. There's no medication I can take for that and don't know what to do.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
To feel like maybe I don't have MH problems, and am just unlikeable?
32 replies
WhatToTryNext · 29/05/2017 23:40
OP posts:
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