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Excluding friend?

(16 Posts)
MasuMara Mon 29-May-17 22:13:08

As a group of friends (7) one of them has separated herself from the group and is only friends with a couple of us. Myself included.

I'm having a birthday party next week at mine and inviting the group and I'm tempted to not invite this friend as I don't want there to be an awkward atmosphere. Aibu?

PurpleDaisies Mon 29-May-17 22:14:01

Do you know why she's separated herself? Is she having a tough time at work or personally?

MasuMara Mon 29-May-17 22:15:52

Kind of, her and one person in that group fell out and she did go through a bad time which she confided to me. But then completely distanced herself, left the group chat etc

Lowdoorinthewal1 Mon 29-May-17 22:16:32

Maybe she's an introvert and finds a group of 7 difficult. She's chosen to spend more time with a couple of people from the group that she feels most comfortable with?

You could ask her whether she wants to come as you've noticed she doesn't seem to choose to spend time with the group.

BewtySkoolDropowt Mon 29-May-17 22:17:03

Personally I would invite her, but let her know who else is invited. If she is excluding herself from the group, chances are she'll decline.

PurpleDaisies Mon 29-May-17 22:17:55

If you're still close to her, ask her what she wants to do. If she is distancing herself, she probably wouldn't want to come anyway.

I think if you didn't invite her without telling her, that would be a pretty strong statement that you didn't really consider her a friend any more.

witchofzog Mon 29-May-17 22:26:37

Please don't exclude her. It will make her feel shit. This was me a few years ago. I was really close to a group of women and the one I thought I was closest to moved away and then came to stay with me. She was spectacularly rude and hurtful to me that week and then went and told her side of the story to 2 of the others in the group. To their credit they didn't really get involved, but at the time I felt that they had not heard my side of the story and I didn't feel able to bring it all up again . I ended up distancing myself from all but 2 of them as I felt that the group was fractured. As it happened another unrelated friend witnesed said friend being extremely rude to me again at a wedding and made no secret of how disgusted she was which helped me to realize the fault wasn't with me. But had I been excluded before this I would have been so so hurt. Let your friend decide if she wants to attend or not. Don't make the decision for her

Disabrie22 Mon 29-May-17 22:29:09

There'll be a reason she distanced herself - I wouldn't exclude her.

MasuMara Mon 29-May-17 22:31:17

Before she left the group chat she was invited to things and always made her excuses though so this will be no different.

CrazyPyjamas Mon 29-May-17 22:33:52

In that case invite her as it sounds like she will just make her excuses anyway and if not, it could be she is in a better place and ready to start including herself in the group again. Either way, I think it would be unpleasant to exclude her.

PurpleDaisies Mon 29-May-17 22:33:57

It's one thing to invite her knowing that she might not come. It's another entirely to leave her out.

Namechangedforthisobviously Mon 29-May-17 22:53:28

Don't exclude her. The more the merrier. If in doubt, be kind.

smellslikemeanspirit Mon 29-May-17 23:32:03

Maybe you need to ask why your friend distanced herself. This happened to me when one person in the group excluded me from a night out and then exoected things to carry on as normal

Awwlookatmybabyspider Mon 29-May-17 23:34:35

Yes YWBVU to exclude her. How old are you 12. Okay she may refuse the
invite, but. She can still be asked.

RebornSlippy Mon 29-May-17 23:39:42

Yes, OP, YABU. The fact you're posting here proves you know it too.

You're supposed to be her friend. For some reason she still considers herself close to you. And you would even consider excluding her like this? Not cool.

If you're so sure she'll turn down the invitation, what skin is it off your nose anyway?

Ibelieveinme Tue 30-May-17 17:11:38

Yes you are definitely BU.

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