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sorry a wedding abroad one!

(81 Posts)
ObnoxiousDoggy Sun 28-May-17 21:44:21

Hi have name changed for this.
My DP is due to be best man at his friends wedding abroad soon. The whole wedding has been disorganised but he's gritted his teeth and bared it
When asked to be best man his mate said he would pay for flights and accommodation. I was going to go but had discovered I'm pregnant so won't be going. The other day the groom came round and is stressing about money and says he can now only contribute to the trip for DP and won't know how much until a month before the wedding!
So we worked out if DP paid for own trip and spends and gift it'll be about 1000 quid. This is on top of 500 quid for the stag and then money for the wedding party back home. This is all in a matter of weeks before were due to become parents.
AiBu to think this groom is expecting a bit much? dp doesn't mind contributing but if at the last min the groom can't contribute at all it's going to cost a hell of a lot

JollySmelly Sun 28-May-17 21:46:29

How good of a friend is the groom? I'd be tempted to pull out completely - not least of all on the grounds of impending parenthood. Is that a possibility?

PeaFaceMcgee Sun 28-May-17 21:47:45

Yanbu. Pretty crap to be so disorganised and it sounds as if groom is really wanting to row back on his promise...

Plus if it's scheduled any later than 36 weeks it'd be a HELL NO from me, as you could be going into labour from then.

Msqueen33 Sun 28-May-17 21:48:19

That's insane. I can understand if your financial situation is good and you have that money to spare but if money is a bit tight I'd rethink. How does your dh feel about it?

MadamePomfrey Sun 28-May-17 21:49:51

How good a friend and how bad dose your dp want to go/ be best man! If you have the money to pay for it all and are willing/want to do it then go ahead. If you can't afford to pay for it all I would pull out now you can't rely on the groom to contribute anything from the sounds of it!

ObnoxiousDoggy Sun 28-May-17 21:50:43

dp is too laid back at times lol he's not happy but says he's going to have to go. He's been mates since they were 2. I'll be 30 weeks by then so quite far gone. DP won't pull out of it he's too polite

elQuintoConyo Sun 28-May-17 21:59:33

Fuck that.

In a nutshell.

People should stop expecting others to fork out £1000s for their parties.

ObnoxiousDoggy Sun 28-May-17 22:01:28

My thoughts exactly! It's not really my call but if he thinks he's telling us he cant contribute a month before the wedding sparks will fly

PeaFaceMcgee Sun 28-May-17 22:02:05

It's such an imposition and really really really rude of them. Any chance he'll grow a backbone anytime soon?

ObnoxiousDoggy Sun 28-May-17 22:05:44

I think he just feels rude saying no but I'm afraid if he had to pay for everything he will be saying no. 1500 quid seriously

Nocabbageinmyeye Sun 28-May-17 22:06:27

I'd pull out but even if your dp won't I'd be knocking a gift in the head for starters and telling the groom that fair is fair he needs to look at his budget and hand over the cash because otherwise he is just passing his financial stress on to both of you

ObnoxiousDoggy Sun 28-May-17 22:08:12

Especially with a child due a matter of weeks after the wedding. His mate is actually a nice lad but quite clueless no way would I expect that of someone

PeaFaceMcgee Sun 28-May-17 22:09:02

It wouldn't hurt for him to give them as much notice as possible, that unless they can pay a decent proportion as promised, then he's regretfully going to have to bail out... Especially as your upcoming birth changes your financial position.

I wouldn't want the uncertainty hanging over me. A friend would understand - and if they don't then they ain't no friend!

Jupitar Sun 28-May-17 22:11:28

I think your DP should say to the groom I'll contribute x amount to the cost of going if it's more than that then sorry but I can't come. That puts it back on the groom to sort the bloody wedding costs out.
I hope the groom has done the bookings and your DP is paying him back otherwise he'll surely lose money by not going?

ObnoxiousDoggy Sun 28-May-17 22:13:32

The groom hasn't even booked any flights or accomodation yet.

C0untDucku1a Sun 28-May-17 22:15:08

Firstly, no more gift. You presence is present enough at an overseas wedding.

yout dh needs to tell his friend he cant pay for it and he needs to know now how much groom is contributing so he can let him know if he can still go. Pass the responsibility back to the groom. The one who should be paying for his wedding.

Birdsgottaf1y Sun 28-May-17 22:19:39

Has the Stag happened?

If not,then that, the present and the Wedding back home could be dropped.

ObnoxiousDoggy Sun 28-May-17 22:21:47

No the stag hasn't happened yet. My DP said he's actually thinking of pulling out especially if his mate won't contribute

Doilooklikeatourist Sun 28-May-17 22:23:29

Oh dear , he can't be best man then can he
If they haven't booked the flights and accommodation yet , sounds like the whole wedding might well not be going ahead anyway
When is it booked for and where not Maui is it ?

ObnoxiousDoggy Sun 28-May-17 22:23:58

lol it's September and the flight is 10 hours

Slimthistime Sun 28-May-17 22:24:27

He should pull out
The mate clearly didn't plan anything and anyway, it's unacceptable to pay and then say you won't
In fact...hang on ...maybe the groom planned this exactly as its turning out....

Daddystepdaddy Sun 28-May-17 22:29:17

An honest conversation needs to happen between DP and his friend. What happens after that will happen.

ishallconquerthat Sun 28-May-17 22:38:48

I would suggest not going to the stag do, and paying for the trip as a wedding gift.

ObnoxiousDoggy Sun 28-May-17 22:42:28

An 1000 quid wedding gift conquer?

NotHotDogMum Sun 28-May-17 22:43:38

I would work out exactly what you are comfortable spending and tell the groom.

Explain that you can afford to contribute £X towards tickets and accommodation, that amount is all you can afford. Anything above that and your DH will have to pull out.

It would be helpful if you have given an amount before flight costs etc are quoted.

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