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AIBU to just not like weddings !

(31 Posts)
Lonelymummyof1 Sun 28-May-17 21:26:11

Weird one ( back story as really need to change my username ha )

But recently got engaged to my childhood best friend ( I have child by someones else )

Anyway proposal was absolutely beautiful, I of course said yes as he is the most amazing person in my life.

Then it dawned on me I hate weddings !!!
I actually tend to think of every single excuse not to attend a I am going to have to attend my own haha

I should run, it would be unreasonable to run would it not.

Anyone else panic like mad as soon as they realised marriage was on the table ?

Gargamella Sun 28-May-17 21:31:19

You can get married very simply so it doesn't feel like a wedding at all - go abroad, tell no one else til it's all over. Make it a holiday for the two or three of you to celebrate the relationship.

RuggerHug Sun 28-May-17 21:31:41

You can get married without a 'wedding wedding'. 2 people, 2 witnesses, someone who can legally perform the act and licence. Everything else is optional. Congratulations!smile

user1486504659 Sun 28-May-17 21:33:33

We are having a simple ceremony and then a big party after smile

Lonelymummyof1 Sun 28-May-17 21:34:43

I am completely nervous, I have no idea why haha
You know the moment when your whole life slots in the place and then you freak out and want to run 😂

Aartappel Sun 28-May-17 21:35:16

YANBU! Sometimes I think it's the pomp and circumstance surrounding a wedding that drives home the permanence of it all. Not everyone likes the fuss or the attention, but if you focus not so much on the wedding in itself but the fact that it's going to be a gathering of your closest family and friends, it does make it much more pleasant.

Just take a deep breath, grab a couple of drinks with a few friends, and enjoy the prospect of being married to this man you clearly seem to love. Congratulations on your engagement!

moutonfou Sun 28-May-17 21:44:32

Is it the marriage or the wedding which is freaking you out?

I like attending parties/weddings but always knew that I hated being the hostess/centre of attention so would never want a big wedding. Luckily DH shared my feelings so we went to Vegas and got married alone with only the minister and one additional witness (and even that level of attention was too much for us TBH!). We found the whole thing still very awkward and forced - 'repeat after me' and all that - and don't look back on it that fondly, however we love being married and sharing everything, it has brought us closer together.

Lonelymummyof1 Sun 28-May-17 21:59:50

I do not know what part of it is freaking me out.
I suppose I never really ever wanted to get married.
Well until now that is.
I have always been pretty independant ( not the greatest parents to look up to ) always got througu life myself, then he swoops me of my feet and I am like hold in lets do what I always do and build a wall !

Lonelymummyof1 Sun 28-May-17 22:00:50

The wedding part I am not huge on public displays of affection and the whole thing is like my idea of hell 😂

LellyMcKelly Sun 28-May-17 22:59:51

I didn't even really enjoy my own wedding, if I'm honest. Spending time worrying about veils and flowers and shoes and dresses and invitations and who could sit beside whom and on and on and on is mad; bands, food, evening food, evening invitations, hairdos, make up, photographers, cake, cars, chair covers (wtf?!). I was never so glad as I was to get back to the hotel and enjoy they whole thing being over and have everyone go home happy. The whole thing is insane, and terrifyingly expensive. If I did it again it would be me, himself, and the kids in a registry office, and a meal after. Job done.

Slimthistime Sun 28-May-17 23:05:16

So do what one friend did
We both hate weddings
Registry office, food, nightclub. Also looked at bars with dance floors. No one was obliged to attend any of it.

Only invite closest, like really, your best mates, not your parents best mates, not uncle Roy who you would walk by in the street without noticing.

Alternatively, just registry office with witnesses, id do that.

Or Vegas.

Voice0fReason Sun 28-May-17 23:10:24

I hate weddings too. We eloped - so much easier, more relaxing and generally lovely. Vegas is fabulous but anywhere in the world would be great.

Doobigetta Sun 28-May-17 23:10:51

Yanbu. I'm engaged, and would absolutely love it if the two of us could just nip off and get married in private. To me, that would be a lovely romantic way to do it. Unfortunately he has a long list of friends and family who would be so offended they'd never speak to us again, apparently. I'd probably be ok with that, but he'd be very upset and stressed, and that's hardly what I want. We're going to keep it as small as possible, though. And we're definitely not doing any of the more horrendous bits like the first dance.

Doobigetta Sun 28-May-17 23:13:52

Also, it's really irritating the way everyone is so smugly convinced that it's compulsory to turn into a batshit bridezilla. Like the LADYBRAIN descends and all of a sudden chair covers and tiny bags of pink sweets are of earth-shattering importance.

AngeloMysterioso Sun 28-May-17 23:17:13

A wedding is whatever you want it to be. It can be 200 of your closest friends and family in a country house with a marquee and a strong quartet, it can be a registry office with you, your man, and two random passers by who weren't busy for half an hour

DonttouchthatLarry Sun 28-May-17 23:32:48

Our wedding was just us and 2 witnesses - it was perfect!

Jemima2011 Sun 28-May-17 23:37:34

I'm a wedding grinch. I like the ceremony part, but not the reception. When I got married, DH and I went to the Caribbean without any friends or family there. It was really a lovely holiday where we happened to get married also. Perfect and I've never regretted it.

Wh0Kn0wsWhereTheTimeGoes Mon 29-May-17 00:10:23

I like other people's weddings but hate being the centre of attention / having a lot of fuss made of me. So my reaction was similar to yours at first. But we ended up having a small relaxed wedding which was fine.

KeepServingTheDrinks Mon 29-May-17 00:16:08

You can absolutely do what you want to do.... I had a nice frock because I wanted a nice dress (it cost about half of what DH's suit cost, cos my dad took him shopping, but he wore the suit again and again, and I wore my dress once). We didn't have a cake, we didn't have a first dance, we didn't have a seating plan... We've been married over 20 years. You don't have to do what people expect of you.

I hope you manage to plan a day you enjoy and then have a happy life together, which is really the important thing (p.s. I could happily kill 'D'H a million times a day....)

nicetoseeyoutoseeyounice Mon 29-May-17 00:31:40

I don't really like weddings either! But we got married on Thursday and had a pretty good time. Our ceremony was really short. We picked the easiest options so we couldn't possibly get the words wrong and i basically saw the rest of the day after that as a huge party. We did have a schedule of stuff planned for the day but I kept sneaking off with my groom which delayed most of it. Not by enough to annoy the guests, but enough to make me feel in control of the day and not like it was all about pleasing everyone else. Planning the wedding was super easy as I didn't put any pressure on anything. As long as I had a venue and a groom that turned up, nothing else really mattered that much. It isn't that scary really. Include things you want, don't worry too much about what everyone else books for their weddings. Congratulations on your engagement!

nicetoseeyoutoseeyounice Mon 29-May-17 00:34:00

Oh and during the ceremony I basically spent the whole time either looking at my groom or looking straight at the registrar as she spoke so didn't even notice the congregation.

PenguinOfDoom Mon 29-May-17 00:43:27

The key thing is not to allow people to push you into doing what they think you should do.

You don't have to have a formal reception, a cake, a first dance, chair covers, flower arrangements bridesmaids, hymns, speeches or any of the other stuff which people claim is traditional.

It's your wedding, so you can organise it however you want, no matter how many people have expectations that you will do what they want you to do. It's amazing how many relatives suddenly have an opinion on exactly how you should get married and who should be there.

metspengler Mon 29-May-17 01:40:47

I hate weddings.

The worst part is knowing how much you hate it and that it will cost someone you care about a bomb to have you there (a total waste of money) and having to go anyway because it would be disrespectful to said person(s) you care about.

I remember the day before to dsis's wedding, I was helping to carry something heavy and I had a (very much momentary) mad impulse to break my own foot so I would have a genuine reason to not go.

CreamCheez Mon 29-May-17 01:43:59

Don't bother having one. Just do your own thing!
It's normal to have a wobble about getting hitched, too. It's a massive decision, after all.

Bitchywaitress Mon 29-May-17 02:40:17

I loved planning my wedding and spent 2 years doing so. My husband spent a horrible amount of money pleasing my bridezilla tendencies <<shame>>blush

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