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To send a letter to my health visitor's manager?

(24 Posts)
DaisyChaining Sun 28-May-17 19:30:12

She's just so fab. I've broken up with my DD's dad this year, who suffers with bipolar disorder and substance misuse issues - and is in trouble with the police. His mental health was stable until this year and then the problems started. This has meant she's been flagged up to social services - who I felt really attacked me and my parenting (unnecessarily imo - before they had any contact with me I had stopped overnight contact, Ive limited daytime contact to supervised only because I felt this was safest - though I don't believe he would ever deliberately harm her. I do everything I can to keep my daughter safe. They felt a contact centre wasn't necessary - which I personally disagreed with. I was happy to follow their recommendations to the letter).

They phoned my health visitor, she completely vouched for me and they rung again and were much nicer and said they were signing the case off and I was more than able to protect my daughter without their involvement.

Then she came round for DDs 2 year check and just absolutely love bombed me the entire time. After months of getting vilified by public services, to hear I'm actually a good young Mum who despite suffering with anxiety and depression (due to the abuse), I'm still trying my best to study and work to provide for my daughter. I managed to get a first in my first year at uni - I've fucked up this year due to the abuse but she sent me a letter to support my application for mitigating circumstances.

I've studied developmental psychology and I know bipolar disorder has genetic properties. Thus, I am keen to keep her childhood as stable and normal as possible to prevent her developing mental health issues. But I feel like this is difficult sometimes due to her dad and the issues he causes. I can't make him agree to regular contact and not miss it due to nights out. Im scared how this will affect her as she becomes more aware. A lot of the time I doubt myself.

Anyway, my HV has just been fab throughout. Given me such a boost in self esteem. My anxiety makes it such that I struggle with visitors of this kind - but I actually look forward to her visits. She probably saved my degree with her support. She's so lovely and understanding and knowledgable. I luffs her grin

I work for the NHS, and I know complaints are much more common than commendations. I know HVs are sometimes perceived really negatively in the press. Would I be weird to send an email of praise to her manager?

FadedRed Sun 28-May-17 19:36:07

Please do, and send her a copy for her personal file. All nurses/HV/midwives have to keep a portfolio for revalidation and this kind of letter would be really welcome.
As you say, complaints are much more usual than compliments and it will mean so much to her to know how you feel.
Hope things go well for you, Op.

Tiredtomybones Sun 28-May-17 19:36:27

It's so lovely to hear a positive story - it sounds like you are a great mum, and the support of your HV sounds amazing. I'd definitely write to or email her manager. I'm always of the opinion that if you would complain if the opposite was happening, then you should praise where you can. Good luck for the future.

DaisyChaining Sun 28-May-17 19:42:04

Thank you both. I didn't know if it would make it awkward next time I saw her blush

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sun 28-May-17 19:48:29

I had felt well supported by my HV (although I had much less going on than you) so took her a thank you card and some flowers and she seemed really pleased. I might cc her on the letter to make sure she sees it.

harderandharder2breathe Sun 28-May-17 19:50:12

Yes do, it'll mean the world to her

DaisyChaining Sun 28-May-17 19:51:19

Aw, it's lovely you bought her flowers. Maybe I'll do that next time she comes round - though I don't know if they even come round after the 2yr check? Maybe next time exP gets himself into trouble again 😨

I think I'd have to send her the letter and ask in the subject line for her to forward it to her boss. Even weirder blush not sure how I could get hold of her managers contact details. Does anybody have any ideas?

LRDtheFeministDragon Sun 28-May-17 19:54:00

Of course, do it! Not the same, but we had an absolutely amazing nurse when DD was in special care as a newborn. We found out that if we wrote a thank-you message, she could use it in her work evaluations, and it would actually made a real difference to her. It might well be the same here.

DoubleCarrick Sun 28-May-17 19:55:43

My hv is pretty amazing too. We've had a lot of minor but difficult medical problems with ds and she's in contact semi regularly, reassuring, helpful and supportive. It's so nice to have her as we've had problems with the communication between pediatrician and gp and who is responsible for what. I might write a letter too once all has calmed down

LRDtheFeministDragon Sun 28-May-17 19:57:15

(I have to admit, my HV is just awful, so I have vested interests in seeing people reward the good ones with feedback!)

DancingLedge Sun 28-May-17 20:00:12

You sound amazing.

Your HV sounds like a good un

Yes do tell her and her manager so.

Remember, you don't have to wait for HV to see you: if you need a bit of support , at any future point, just get back in touch with her.

herewecomeawassailing Sun 28-May-17 20:00:20

Absolutely do it - I handed in a 'compliments form' for a GP (I crossed out 'complaints'; there was no appropriate form!) as she was a rare ray of practical help and compassion in a difficult year, and she phoned to thank me. As you say, it's rare to compliment rather than complain...I felt too ground down to go through with all the complaints that were warranted, so went for a couple of very deserved compliments, instead, not least in the hope that it will help those people remain in the system!

jellyandsoup Sun 28-May-17 20:01:53

No do it! I promise you it will mean so much to her. She sounds fab, and you sound like an amazing person who is doing everything possible.for your little one during tough times.

Bodypumpaddict Sun 28-May-17 20:02:10

I definitely think you should.
You've reminded me there's a few NHS thank you letters I need to write smile

AnyFucker Sun 28-May-17 20:04:18

Do it, do it, do it

herewecomeawassailing Sun 28-May-17 20:04:32

Can you look up where she is based out of (a medical centre, GP practice?), and phone to say you want to send a compliment, and ask the best means? But also copy her personally, in case it goes astray!

ScissorBow Sun 28-May-17 20:08:53

A GP I saw after DD2 was born was wonderful. When I had another appointment which was scheduled for her I wrote her a thank you card to let her know the difference she made. Before I handed her the letter she asked me how I had been since X and remembered me which was lovely.

You could print/write 2 letters and put them in the same envelope and ask her to pass the other one on. Or email and ask her to forward it.

DaisyChaining Sun 28-May-17 20:14:55

Thank you, I will definitely do it! And thanks for all the kind words, they mean the world.

ColdCottage Sun 28-May-17 20:15:06

Not at all. Do it.

I always ask to speak to a manager when I've had good service as I think people are quick to complain but should equally stand up for good service. It really means so much to the person you are praising as well as their manager. It feels good too.

KitKat1985 Sun 28-May-17 20:31:23

Do it. I work in the NHS and we really appreciate getting nice feedback.

BlackeyedSusan Sun 28-May-17 20:53:29


Kittykatmacbill Sun 28-May-17 21:05:38

Please do! It's a lovely thing to do and will be great for her personal files.

melj1213 Sun 28-May-17 21:36:36

I think I'd have to send her the letter and ask in the subject line for her to forward it to her boss. Even weirder blush not sure how I could get hold of her managers contact details. Does anybody have any ideas?

Could you send the letter to her with a note that you want to show your appreciation directly to her but would also like to make sure her effort is recognised by her superiors, and if she as happy for you to do so could she send you their direct email and you will forward them on a copy?

Gindrinker43 Sun 28-May-17 22:32:50

Make sure she gets a copy. We all have to revalidate with the Nursing and Midwifery Council and having a piece of patient feedback handed to you is invaluable as it's one less piece of work for her.
And well done you, you're and excellent Mum.

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