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To say I don't want any more kids

(13 Posts)
sofreakingtired Sun 28-May-17 01:52:02

Because I can't cope with the lack of sleep? My DD is 10 months and just will not sleep through at the moment. I assume it's her teeth. Or it's too hot. Or she just doesn't want to. But I'm 37, and feel I'm too old for this! All I want is a full nights sleep! Does this melt into the back of your memory like childbirth where you forget how bad it was eventually so then you don't mind doing it again??

Ponocky Sun 28-May-17 03:51:07

Yanbu and you have my sympathy! flowers My baby boy is only 7 weeks old and I'm sick of the sleep deprivation already, plus so much other stuff.

I always said I wanted 2 kids before he came along but I knew during labour that 1 was enough. If only I'd known then that labour was the easy bit 😧

I pushed for 3 hours, got a third degree tear and was whisked off to surgery immediately after the birth, am incontinent both ways now, still in pain and have PTSD. Baby has had colic since the end of week 1 and screams nightly non stop for 3 hours. I feel like a single parent because my husband isn't pulling his weight. He was meant to do the 2am feed today but wouldn't wake so I had to pick that one up tonight and the baby's nappy leaked shit all over me. I have post natal depression and am seeking help for that in secret so he and the rest of my family don't find out that I'm not coping because it's not ok for me not to be ok. I have to support them and I don't matter. I can hear my husband snoring in our bed as I type this in the nursery and I resent him so much.

Everyone keeps badgering me, asking when I'm going to have another. I say never and they all say I'll change my mind. I fucking won't. I'm never going through this again 😢

sadmum2017 Sun 28-May-17 03:56:59

I don't want any more. If one more person asks me, then chuckles and says 'ah you say that now but give it a couple of years' when I tell them, I will scream.

Horrific birth experience. Now trying my best to be a good mum to DS, all the while I'm quite low and anxious.

I will not be having any more. YANBU!

NewbieT Sun 28-May-17 04:01:01

So sorry to read Ponicky you're going through such a shit time. It WILL get better...the husband and family not supporting you sounds dreadful though, I know it's hard for new dads too but at least physically he doesn't feel well like he's been in a car crash, he needs to step up and help, but that's easy for me to say obviously.
So sorry you're going through this. Maybe a dr or health visitor can give him a bit of a taking-to? Really hope you can get the help you need and that you start to recover a bit more soon. flowers

NewbieT Sun 28-May-17 04:04:04

OP yeah I reckon the memories fade .. or maybe the mind blanks out the sheer horror... it must do as I had no.3 at 39 ... I find co-sleeping works for us but I know not for everyone. Hope she's sleeping better soon!

60percentofthetime Sun 28-May-17 04:10:39

YANBU! I have always liked the idea of a big brood of kids, but we have 2, and I am NOT losing another year of my life to sleep deprivation!

FizzLlama Sun 28-May-17 04:11:15

Who do you feel the need to explain to?

It's really no one else's business and you shouldn't have to justify.

Millionsmom Sun 28-May-17 04:20:25

YANBU - all of you.

Being a mum is really tough, especially when you're so tired you can't think straight, but still have to function or so miserable after a trauma yet still have to care for a new human being or when it's very much only you 'doing' it all or even ALL OF THE ABOVE!

And you know, it's totally ok telling 'them' how awful you're having it - if just to stop the daft platitudes they think they should be saying. Most folk KNOW it's crap, but feel they have to dole out 'wisenesness' (if that's even a word) when if they just gave you a hand to hold/washed the dishes/let you sleep/took the recycling out would be great and the best they could do for you right now.

Ponocky - go wake your DP up, don't feel bad about doing it. This is his child too.
Freakin' and Sadmum, you are fab mums because you care.

Anyone else out there feeling they just 'can't ' anymore, you CAN.

CookingMamama Sun 28-May-17 04:21:57

I feel your pain. I also have a 10 month old who has NEVER slept through the night sad. She has got worse in the last month or so though where it isnt just waking for a feed or two, she is wide awake wanting to play for hours, pulling my hair etc. and I am so fed up. Cant nap during the day as have DC1 off school now for holidays!

You do forget though as DC1 slept badly in the first year or so and was still coming into my bed at night at 3! My want to add another child to our family seemed to help me forget just how hard it is having a baby.

Amongst my friends and baby group mums though my DD is the last to sleep 'properly' and they have all slept from 3/4 months so things mighr be different for you with any further children.

Introvertedbuthappy Sun 28-May-17 05:09:15

I am with you. My 14 month old doesn't sleep through - he sleeps 5 hours then thinks he's awake and then sleeps for 10-45 minutes a pop before being up at 4am. He goes to bed at around 9pm and has a single nap of 1hour15 mins. People who have sleepers just don't get it. He doesn't rely on milk in the night, no dummy etc but just is awake for the day from 2am essentially. My eldest was the same - didn't sleep through until 3 years old. I think if I'd remembered properly how horrendous and spirit crushing it is I may not have bothered. I love DS2 to pieces though. Just wish he'd fucking sleep! He's been up an hour now and won't nap until 11.

nippey Sun 28-May-17 05:57:31

I'm with you, my DD is 2 and is an terrible sleeper.
It's awful, I feel and look like shit, and the older she gets, the less sympathy and patience people seem to have with it!

HearTheThunderRoar Sun 28-May-17 06:03:31

My DD didn't sleep through until she was 4, by that time I was 40 and there was no fucking way I was going through that again. Especially as my DH worked nights so I was on my own all night, then I had to get up and work a 8 hour day. Looking back now, I have no idea coped but you do because there is no other option.

She was 18 last week, and it was all worth it, those sleep deprived days are a distant memory.

scissormister Sun 28-May-17 18:30:38

Yes it does melt into memory. And it will stop and you will sleep again. Much sympathy and yanbu, i was about the same age and also don't want more!

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