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To decline this play date invite?

(71 Posts)
LittleHouseonTheBuildingSite Sat 27-May-17 18:36:03

DD is 8.
She has received an invitation from her best friend to go to play at her house tomorrow.

I really want to say no because I know I'll have to reciprocate ....

The girl and her family live in a huge house ! It's lovely and nicely decorated .

The parents have professional jobs and live on a lovely estate.

Their DD even speaks a bit posh blush

We on the other hand live on a council estate in a council house.

It needs decorating but money is tight as I'm disabled and don't work . I'm trying to do it little by little .

There are weeds in my garden and the place doesn't generally look nice.

DD has been friends with this girl since reception and I've never offered to have her here as I'm so embarrassed - I don't think her parents would be happy for her to play here !

I've had other children from the estate over to play but I don't mind as I feel more comfortable with the children being from the same background as me / DD . blush

I now feel bad that they have offered to have DD over and I never have .

I'm also dreading the fact I'll have to her here in return !


early30smum Sat 27-May-17 18:37:56

YABU! It doesn't matter where you live or your background. Your kids are clearly friends and if the parents don't like where you live etc when you reciprocate, then that's their issue. Don't make your little girl miss out.

Crunchymum Sat 27-May-17 18:38:38

How well do you know the other parents? Can you mention it?

Although I'm sure it's not as bad as you think?

OuchBollocks Sat 27-May-17 18:39:04

Presumably they know where you live? If they don't want their DD playing at yours in return they'll politely decline with an excuse, but in all likelihood they're not hideous snobs and will be happy to get some peace for a few hours while their daughter is in a safe happy home with a good friend.

Crunchymum Sat 27-May-17 18:39:21

I mean can you mention you feel a little bit self conscious about where you live?

GeillisTheWitch Sat 27-May-17 18:39:57

I think you're over thinking it, people come from all sorts of backgrounds and there's no reason to think that this girl's parents wouldn't want her coming to your house, as long as it's not an absolute shit tip then I doubt they'll give it a second thought.

unlimiteddilutingjuice Sat 27-May-17 18:40:16

I have a similar house and I understand your anxiety. But, in the nicest possible way YABU.
The kids don't care. They just want to play together. They can't arrange to meet up without the support of their parents. Its part of our job as parents to facilitate their friendships.
Accept the invitation, reciprocate and get over yourself. Good luck grin

LittleHouseonTheBuildingSite Sat 27-May-17 18:41:35

I don't know the parents very well at all - other than the odd party I've met them at .

The father seems very down to earth and friendly whereas the mum seems a bit more "snobbish" <I hate that word but can't think of another!> but she is always friendly and polite towards us .

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 27-May-17 18:41:45

I live in a nice house, detached and in a nice area. DD's mate from school lives in a tiny flat. Mum doesn't work, dad works in McDonald's. Do the kids care? No. Do we care? No.

DD is horribly jealous because he has a TV in his room and pets. Poor, deprived DD. grin

Just go for it.

Chloe84 Sat 27-May-17 18:41:45

I understand how you feel, OP.

But I think you need to give your DD all the tools to succeed in life, and that includes showing her that she and her family are just as good as her friends and therefore to be able to interact and be friends with people from different backgrounds. If you're embarassed, then she will be embarrassed too.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sat 27-May-17 18:41:56

Oh op our house is chaos!! 6 dc, pets and mess in abundance! every single friend of every single dc comes back again and again!! Dc don't see mess, peeling wallpaper, they see fun, friends and a nice family!! I promise you!!

luckylucky24 Sat 27-May-17 18:42:31

If you refuse all invites they will stop and the friendship may fizzle out. This happens too easily without you helping it along with your insecurities.
I had friends with much less money than my family (we were not rich at all but one friend for example was raised by her retired Gran) and we never noticed the differences. We played, we ate, we went home.

Joinourclub Sat 27-May-17 18:42:40

Why don't you have the girl for a play date at the park? Take a picnic and hang out there for the afternoon. The parents can drop off or stay, they don't have toxins to your house of you are not comfortable with that.

Ameliablue Sat 27-May-17 18:43:17

The probably don't expect reciprocation. But you could always invite the other girl for a picnic in the park or something like that.

T1mum3 Sat 27-May-17 18:44:17

Agree with Chloe. I'd probably fit into the category of your DD's friend's mum and I would be really sad if people were declining playdates with any of my children because of what they thought of my home or how I might feel about them.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sat 27-May-17 18:49:07

Let your dd go on the play date.

If you reciprocate or not is up to you but don't let some inverse snobbery or bigotry stop you doing something your dd and her friend will enjoy.

I've been in almost both situations and the kids never care if you have enough snacks wink If the parents care then that's sad... for them.

LittleHouseonTheBuildingSite Sat 27-May-17 18:50:40

I've said yes to the play date ! sadshock

DD really wants to go and as a pp posted , it's not fair to pass my insecurities on to her .

I had thought about taking them out to the park for a picnic but DD is adamant that she wants her friend to come to the house to play hmm

DontTouchTheMoustache Sat 27-May-17 18:52:57

It would be a bit mean to deny your DD a play date because of your own insecurities. I do understand where you are coming from but if they are offering then I think you should accept. Perhaps offer to take their DD to the park one Saturday instead of having them to your house?

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 27-May-17 18:53:07

She wants her friend to come because it's her house and she loves it. And I'm sure her friend will too.

DontTouchTheMoustache Sat 27-May-17 18:53:31

Sorry op, X post blush

Coldilox Sat 27-May-17 18:56:44

I lived in a lovely house in the nice part of town when I was a kid. I met my best friend on my first day of primary school, she lived in a council house in the not so nice part of town. I was a bit posh, I ended up leaving that school at 9 to go to a prep school, but my friend and I have always stayed friends. Our mums? Closer than we are, they see each other most weeks, even now 30 years later.

What kind of house you live in means nothing.

LittleHouseonTheBuildingSite Sat 27-May-17 18:59:49

coldilox you just made me cry blush

londonrach Sat 27-May-17 19:01:07

Yabu. My parents were half way growing up. They bought leaving their council house. All i can remember is that garden and the fun we had at the council house. After buying i returned to friends who lived in council houses and those who lived in posh houses...seriously it was the fun of playing with a friend that mattered. Seriously the children want to play together not inspect your property!

FreeNiki Sat 27-May-17 19:03:06

Could you take them out for tea?

On another note, my nephews are young and they love coming to my house which is a bit shitty. I wonder when they'll notice auntie nikis house isnt as nice as theirs. I feel a bit weird about it.

FreeNiki Sat 27-May-17 19:04:16

My point was maybe children dont notice so much or care.

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