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Looking after my partners other daughter

(152 Posts)
ConConstance Sat 27-May-17 13:17:51

Sorry, I'm still new to MN and wasn't sure which topic to put this under.

My daughters dads (soon to be ex) wife has just showed up at my house (he doesn't live here) with their daughter and has left her here. She's 13 years old.

He is out with business clients all day and can't get back until at least 7pm at the earliest. He had arranged to her their daughter tomorrow instead which his wife agreed too. Clearly she's not happy with that. Didn't even come to door with her just drove off when I answered. I don't mind helping him out but really not happy her mum has just dumped her here.

I have only meet his other daughter a few times so as you can imagine it's pretty awkward. What the hell do I with a 13 year old I barely know for the next few hours?? Please help

Waltermittythesequel Sat 27-May-17 13:19:27

What other daughter?! I'm confused!

ImperialBlether Sat 27-May-17 13:20:42

Hang on, she's brought her own daughter to your house, when your boyfriend isn't there and doesn't live there?

What the hell?

I'd be taking her home again!

ConConstance Sat 27-May-17 13:21:14

He has 3 children (1 daughter, 2 sons) with his soon to be ex wife and a daughter with me.

SpringTown46 Sat 27-May-17 13:21:39

Poor girl. Be kind. Ask her what she would like to do.

stitchglitched Sat 27-May-17 13:22:28

How have you only met her a few times if you have a child with her Dad?

RB68 Sat 27-May-17 13:22:31

Try asking her, take her out for coffee, chat, find out what she is into. That age they all seem to want to hang out giggle and go to starbucks for strange drinks and not alot else to be honest

Waltermittythesequel Sat 27-May-17 13:23:08

Ok, so she's brought his daughter to your house?

The wording of his "other daughter" threw me a little.

So, you've opened the door to this 13 year old and her mum didn't even speak to you?!

Was there crossed-wires or something? Have you spoken to your dp??

This is bizarre!

ImperialBlether Sat 27-May-17 13:23:29

But this isn't the OP's responsibility! It's her day off and the child should be with her mother, as arranged. Why is it the OP's job to spend the day with her?

Sprinklestar Sat 27-May-17 13:23:44

Call him and tell him to come home.
In the meantime, be kind to her. It's not her fault.
Going forward, set boundaries.

ImperialBlether Sat 27-May-17 13:24:21

Oh okay, just realised you have a child together, as well. I was under the impression you hadn't been with him long.

RB68 Sat 27-May-17 13:24:29

I think the thing is to sort the dumping issue - you are not now alternate child care - she shouldn't be leaving if he doesn't accept custody. But you need to make sure the cild is cared for - sorry you were umped but that is the kind thing to do - kick off with him and her but not child

GriefLeavesItsMark Sat 27-May-17 13:25:04

Taking her home sounds mean. She is thirteen, so more or less self-entertaining. Offer her pizza and your WiFi code. Job done.

Conversation with your partner when you see him.

gamerchick Sat 27-May-17 13:26:36

Tell him to get his arse to collect her now and take her home. Nip this shit in the bud or it'll happen again.

ConConstance Sat 27-May-17 13:27:32

He's not a darling partner (partner is used very loosely)

He's really not happy about it either. He had arrangements in place his wife to have her tomorrow as he's working (owns the company so can't really get out it)

I honestly don't mind being with her... I literally don't know how to interact/ entertain her. She seems like a lovely girl though from what I have seen. I'm a first time mum to 1 year old so it's all new to me.

Floralnomad Sat 27-May-17 13:30:32

Can you all just go out somewhere , or take the baby out for a walk and get some ice cream or go shopping if funds allow .

HaPPy8 Sat 27-May-17 13:32:19

I think this is your chance to shine OP. Its very unfair on the girl and she probably feels very awkward - anything you can do to make her feel welcome and wanted will reap rewards in the long run.

blue2014 Sat 27-May-17 13:34:07

Said with kindness - you're overthinking it op smile get off MN and just talk to her like you talk to other humans smile

Donnadoon Sat 27-May-17 13:38:22

Surely this is a chance to get to know your partners child and for the half sisters to get to know each other ? Not nice of her mother to dump and run though.

MatildaTheCat Sat 27-May-17 13:38:54

Just hang out until dp gets back. Watch some daft crap on tv, take baby sister to the swings or feed the ducks, get an ice cream.

It's maybe a nice thin for her to hang out with her sister but I'd be making it extremely clear that dumping a person without any sort of discussion is absolutely out of order and another time you will politely decline ( unless she's very lovely and is sweet with your baby).

Good luck.

bookwormnerd Sat 27-May-17 13:39:13

Poor girl and it must be awquid. Personally I would take her out, go to cinima if she wants to see something or pick up a dvd and popcorn. Pick up a take away, her pick later. Most kids like doing something like that

DailyMailReadersAreThick Sat 27-May-17 13:42:11

Where is she while you're playing on your phone? confused

Just talk to her. Ask if she wants a drink, if there's a DVD she wants to watch...

Mummyoflittledragon Sat 27-May-17 13:45:08

Go to the park, have a walk. Sit in the garden, talk. Bake a cake with her. If you get along, perhaps she'd like to do your hair or makeup for fun if she's into that. Or vis versa. Take her swimming if she fits into one of yours. If it's really awkward, have a look at what movies are on, drop her off at the cinema and pick her up when it's finished.

Jedimum1 Sat 27-May-17 13:45:45

Go out to Starbucks, get a nice coffee and cake, ask about what she likes doing, etc. Treat her like a young adult, not a kid. You'll be having a lot of time together once the divorce is finalised and arrangements are made for visits. This is your chance to start getting to know her.

Mummyoflittledragon Sat 27-May-17 13:46:32

One of your swimsuits I mean.

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