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To think he should have offered to stay?

(35 Posts)
Paddingtonbearscoat Sat 27-May-17 10:03:01

We had a family event planned today, a 3 hours drive away, a christening. For context there is another event planned in a couple of weeks with the same family.

Unfortunately our two dc are ill (one being a toddler), with a bad virus, high temp, lethargic and the toddler has been sick, not eating anything just generally very poorly. No one has had much sleep for a few nights because the toddler has been up crying. We've had a heatwave here which has just made it worse. Dh has been playing it down saying that they'll be ok to still go, when they're clearly ill.

Now I've woken up with it, I feel absolutely shit and have been up all night sweating then shivering. It's going to be a long day on my own feeling like this and looking after two sick whingey kids.

Dh has not offered to stay and help and has still gone, I did suggest he could stay to help because I'm struggling but his attitude is I should just get on with it.

Pumperthepumper Sat 27-May-17 10:04:14

No, he should have stayed. That's really unfair of him.

Imbroglio Sat 27-May-17 10:05:42

Absolutely he should have stayed.

Unless he's going to be godfather?

CondensedMilkSarnies Sat 27-May-17 10:09:30

He should have stayed , surely his unwell family come before a christening? Hope you all get better soon Op x

PurpleDaisies Sat 27-May-17 10:10:32

Did you ask him directly if he would stay or were you wanting for him to offer?

C0untDucku1a Sat 27-May-17 10:12:12

Is it is brother or sister's child's christening?
Is he godfather?

He is selfish but just teying to work out why! Not excuse it!

Paddingtonbearscoat Sat 27-May-17 10:13:38

He's not godfather, no special role, his opinion is that he should go because he doesn't see this family often, but we are all meeting again soon.

I did say that I thought he should stay because I was going to struggle, but he said I need to just get on with it. He even huffed that I asked him to go to the shops to get essentials before he left.

Paddingtonbearscoat Sat 27-May-17 10:14:30

Sorry it's his cousins baby that's being christened.

C0untDucku1a Sat 27-May-17 10:14:53

So quite selfish then. What is he usually like? Would he normally take responsibility for the children when not asked? Or does he view you as default parent?

thethoughtfox Sat 27-May-17 10:15:42

If they are immediate family i.e. sister or brother, he should be there. If not, he should have stayed.

gamerchick Sat 27-May-17 10:18:15

Is he godfather? I'm struggling to understand why anyone would ditch their sick family for a christening of all things. Those are like death hmm if he's insisted they would be find to still go, why hasn't he taken them with him so you can rest?

I take it it's just an excuse for a pissup or something.

gamerchick Sat 27-May-17 10:19:08


Is there a backstory, is he usually selfish?

SeaCabbage Sat 27-May-17 10:22:56

Selfish man. I bet he's never looked after two ill kids whilst feeling ill himself?

witwootoodleoo Sat 27-May-17 10:26:06

So as well as abandoning his sick family he's also quite happy to potentially spread the germs to a small baby and his family?! He sounds like a right charmer

ThouShallNotPass Sat 27-May-17 10:27:04

Very selfish. I absolutely loathe the belief that (and this does not apply to all men but seems to in my family, both extended and close) the menfolk can lay in bed with their man-flu (aka the sniffles) being waited on hand and foot and the missus takes care of the kids as well, but when the missus is ill, the role is not reversed and she STILL has to take care of the kids. Thankfully my own husband is a sweetheart and we look after each other.

The next time your fella is ill OP, you MUST find something else to do and make sure he knows that he is to "get on with it. The leave him for the same amount of time he has left you. It's the only way he will realise that he has been completely unreasonable.

Lostatsea123 Sat 27-May-17 10:27:15

Definitely should've stayed at home with you. He's cousins baby christening is not a 'absolutely cannot miss' event in my book unless he's a godparent.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Sat 27-May-17 10:29:08

Wait 3 hours until he gets there, then ring him to say he HAS to come home urgently.

halcyondays Sat 27-May-17 10:29:34

He should have stayed.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Sat 27-May-17 10:44:21

Console yourself with the thought that, just as you all get over it, he'll go down with it and you can all just carry on and leave him to "just get on with it"

He sounds like a selfish twat though, sorry. sad

happypoobum Sat 27-May-17 10:47:54

Really selfish. I hope he is sick and has a shit time sad

Is he always such a wankbadger?

SwimmingInLemonade Sat 27-May-17 10:58:17

Why was he so eager to go? Is it going to be a big piss-up?

wtffgs Sat 27-May-17 11:02:12

He's a selfish dick. Does he always treat you like this?

Plenty of fluids and get kids tv on to entertain them. I hope you feel better soon flowers

DPotter Sat 27-May-17 11:22:19

I agree - he's being really selfish - to you and to his extended family, as he will be spreading the bugs around for sure.
You could give the family the heads up about not letting 'uncle' play with the kids because you are all down with sickness.
And I also agree that when he comes down with it - he's on his own.

EweAreHere Sat 27-May-17 11:49:15

Of course he should have stayed.

Does he have form for this? Have you pointed out that you might as well be a single parent and he can send his payments to support your family if he's not going to actually act like a partner and parent?

Paddingtonbearscoat Sat 27-May-17 12:00:57

It's his cousins baby but he felt obligated because all the family are going.

He's usually a good partner/dad, he's hands on, does his share. He just has zero sympathy for illness. His usual response to me feeling ill is that he feels or has felt worse at some point.

It's not the first time he's gone off to do something non essential when me and the kids have been unwell. It's not that I'm ill all the time, the last time was when I was pregnant with the youngest but he won't put himself out to help at all.

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