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People bringing food to a party???

(218 Posts)
WanderingStar1 Fri 26-May-17 23:15:01

AIBU? In a foolish moment agreed to host Mil's 90th here next Saturday. We have a big garden and an area where people can park, but if it rains we're stuffed for getting 80+ old dears into the house! Anyway - that's maybe stressing me out a bit (although marquees and gazebos on standby) but my issue is the food. We haven't the tables or cutlery to do a sit down meal so opted for a DIY hog roast sort of thing (rolls and pulled pork, plus apple sauce and stuffing) plus other finger food such as carrot sticks, cherry toms, sandwiches, sausage rolls and crisps etc. I will make her a bday cake but she and various friends said they'd also make cakes and brownies etc (as old people like 'puddings') so that was great. Bit of a wobble on wed when MIL said my DH had agreed to provide forks so people could have coleslaw, potato salad etc!! I said no way as we have no tables so they can't have anything but finger food, which she seemed OK with (and she knew that anyway!). Then tonight DH came home and mentioned that his DM and Dsis were also making sausage rolls, quiches and salads. I've been slaving away over this sodding party for weeks and got really cross - along the lines of - a) it's fucking rude to turn up at someone else's party with food, without agreeing it with the host first, and b) I'd be delighted to have someone else do stuff but would not be happy to spend all saturday making sandwiches/sausage rolls only to find I didn't need to!! So texted SIL at 10.30 tonight to say she needed to sort everyone out as I found it pretty offensive that people were planning all this without speaking to me! Yes I was stressed and yes I was probably a bit OTT! Anyway she rang back all nice and reasonable and I was a bit cross and shouty ("would you like to do a sunday roast and have someone turn up with a tray of roasties in case you hadn't done enough...???"), then she said MIL didn't like to speak to me about it as she was scared I would shout at her!! So feel a bit crap that I'm so horrible but actually both of them need to grow some, and I do get a bit snappy occasionally! Grrr!! But AIBU to feel peed off that people think they can just turn up at a party and bring food? I think the problem is that MIL is a bit forgetful and has told everyone we aren't doing anything except the pork rolls (despite being switched on enough to make sure I would make cucumber sandwiches for the vegetarians) so has maybe organised a secret backlash against our meagre fare - but surely her daughter and friends should have talked to me? Fuming - but also thinking you'll all say she's 90 and I should be kind and tolerant.......

WonkoTheSane42 Fri 26-May-17 23:17:27

Bloody hell, you sound like hard work. Would you actually have shouted at a 90 year old woman?

SaucyJack Fri 26-May-17 23:18:30

You wot?

Buy a pack of plastic forks for a quid and get over yourself.

2014newme Fri 26-May-17 23:18:34

Why can't you provide plastic cutlery and people eat it on their laps?
Do you have enough seats for 80 old people?
Change it to drinks and cakes if it's all too much.
It sounds like a communication breakdown you should make peace with your sister she was only trying to help

2014newme Fri 26-May-17 23:20:04

So yes, yabu for not getting plastic cutlery and shouting at helpful people

HarrietKettleWasHere Fri 26-May-17 23:20:16

Jesus wept! They're only trying to bloody help and make your life easier!

I'd be bringing a bottle of gin if it were me to be honest, I'd think I'd probably be needing it.

BIWI Fri 26-May-17 23:20:43

Stop being so fucking rude about old people

dontpokethebear Fri 26-May-17 23:21:10

Wow. You sound like you're being a bit of a martyr tbh. YABU

Have you shouted at mil in the past then?

HarrietKettleWasHere Fri 26-May-17 23:21:18

And yeah, plastic cutlery, paper plates, cheap napkins and bin bags and a reality check tbh.

user1488721675 Fri 26-May-17 23:21:22

They're trying to help. Just say thank you and take the help.

Why do they need a table to eat with a fork? They must be seating for them, can't they sit with a plate and a fork?

Plumkettle Fri 26-May-17 23:21:25

I don't understand. You got cross that sausage rolls were being brought in before you'd got them yourself? Really? I'd be fucking delighted!

FatOldBag Fri 26-May-17 23:22:10

People feel rude if they turn up without something to offer the host. That was really rude of you to tell them off for planning to bring food. You sound fucking horrible.

MumIsRunningAMarathon Fri 26-May-17 23:22:17

This can't be real... it can't be!

HarrietKettleWasHere Fri 26-May-17 23:23:21

Actually I'm thinking this can't be an actual thing, can it?

2014newme Fri 26-May-17 23:23:45

Mil is scared she would get shouted at so it must happen quite often.

5OBalesofHay Fri 26-May-17 23:24:44

Probably don't host in future as you've not really got the hospitality vibe

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar Fri 26-May-17 23:25:33

Buy Plastic forks, and pull in as much catering help as you can. It sounds like you're stressing our over this pay and taking it out on the people who are trying to help. We often do big family parties and most people pitch in a little with the food, although we do the bulk of it. It's never occurred to me to be offended!

LolaTheDarkdestroyer Fri 26-May-17 23:25:54

Bet they'll secretly be picturing you twirling around as the hog're mean.

MugwumpJism Fri 26-May-17 23:26:37

Paragraphs next time.

Flatpackback Fri 26-May-17 23:26:48

Kind and tolerant - yes that's the way to go. It's a party, it should be fun. Plastic forks and paper plates. Don't stress about it. Who's ever complained about too much food at a party?

Crunchymum Fri 26-May-17 23:27:00

Apologise to MIL and SIL tomorrow, gratefully accept anything anyone else offers / turns up with on the day (send people home with pack ups if you end up with stupid amounts of food), and chill the fuck out.

Lindy2 Fri 26-May-17 23:27:44

I'd be delighted if people turned up with a dish. They are trying to be kind and helpful. Maybe they do want a bit of variety and are providing that without asking you to do any extra work.
I think you need to relax a little.

Crunchymum Fri 26-May-17 23:27:55

Oh and buy some disposable cutlery and paper plates....

AlexaAmbidextra Fri 26-May-17 23:28:21

You sound delightful. hmm

Bluntness100 Fri 26-May-17 23:28:28

Oh my, when uou get upset that folks are bringing food you've went too far and have a problem. I suspect you're not coping.

Buy some plastic cutlery and paper plates and try to take a deep breath. Understand you have some mental health issues and take a step back. No one has done anything wrong.

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