v tired so this will probably be incoherent, but DD (8) had her friend over for a play date yesterday. they wanted to play with/draw on a big empty cardboard box, which i said was ok as long as they took it into the garden. i have baby twins so went into the other room to feed them, DD ran in saying '[friend] won't listen when i tell her to stop'... went outside to find that the friend had gone into the conservatory and found the bits of styrofoam that i'd taken out of the box and was shredding them into approx. 1 billion tiny pieces and strewing them over the garden and conservatory. i told her to stop and she said 'it wasn't me, your cat did it!' while still shredding the plastic! i put DTs in playpen and started to try to sweep up... heard DD yell to me again and went into kitchen to find the friend had climbed up on the counter and got down a bottle of fish oil tablets and literally poured them all over the floor, and was squishing them one by one. i explained through gritted teeth that crawling babies and tablets on the floor was a dangerous combination as they could swallow one and choke, to which she responded by laughing and did an impression of a baby choking. her mum arrived not too long after that and i mentioned all of this (in a fairly casual way) and got 'oh yes she does that sort of thing at our house too' 
yesterday evening i then discovered that she'd scrawled something illegible on DD's bedroom wall, and had also pulled the sheet off DD's bed and written her name in pen on the mattress! i'm just a bit shocked at how poorly behaved this child is. never want her in my house again to be honest. AIBU?
AIBU?
never ever to invite this child over again
snowsuit · 26/05/2017 22:18
thanks everyone. my DD really likes this girl but i honestly don't want her over again. i'm not very good at telling off other people's kids but i did get very stoney-faced with her, and was supposed to take them both out after they'd played to do a fun thing, but told her that i wouldn't be able to do that now as i'd be spending the rest of the afternoon clearing up the mess (took DD out on her own later as it really wasn't her fault). DD can definitely be a handful at times but i thankfully cannot imagine her going to a friend's house and writing on their mattress 
See, whilst having huge amounts of sympathy with you, your rookie mistake was to mention it to her mother 'in a fairly casual way'...
I have no problem telling other people's children off and would have read the riot act to child. When her mother arrived I'd have said firmly, 'her behaviour has been appallingly rude and I'm afraid she won't be invited again'.
I had the same issue when ds was younger with telling others parents just how badly behaved their little darlings had been.
It didn't help when one of his friends wrote her name all over a cushion in his room and the mum a) tried to deny it was her 
and b) then tried to say it was because her DD wasn't used to the strictness of my rules.
Nowadays I'm glad I have more confidence and I'm grateful for the strictness of not allowing drawing on walls, stickers on every item of furniture and drawing on furniture.
The mum in question has been open about how she's had to paint whole house and totally re decorate her DD's room which cost £1000's because of her art work which she's finally decided is better on paper st 13 fucking years old
i would have made her clean it up, but unfortunately it's pretty much impossible to do - as soon as you try to pick it up or sweep it it splits into even tinier bits that then blow around in the wind... i was incredibly pissed off about the garden being covered in it, becuase the garden is my little sanctuary - DH and i spent HOURS yesterday sweeping and picking bits of it up. the only bit of light relief was the sight of DH trying to vacuum the lawn
Not only would I not invite her back but I'd be knocking that friendship on the head altogether, none of that is normal And I'd be sending a photo of the mattress with
"Obviously Mary won't be back to play again but had dd done this I would want to know so I could punish her, I am really not impressed at all"
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