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Go to fucking sleep you little shit!

(99 Posts)
Killdora Fri 26-May-17 21:08:00

Tell me I'm not the only one who mentally chants this to themesleves sometimes.

Dd is four and has autism. I know it's not her fault and I know it her sensory difficulties etc. but she's only ever slept the grand total of four hours a night.

In bits, not one go.

Me and Dh have had to take shifts for the last three years. The consultant has already tried her on melanin etc, but it didn't work.

I know I didn't need to go into that level of detail but wanted to explain my situation because I feel terribly guilty.

I've never openly lost my temper with dd, and would never say some of the stuff I scream in my head but it can be so vicious it makes me feel like the worst Mum in the world.

Tonight I'm hot, tired. Dd is on her fifty billionth rendition of 'Too cold Mum. Too hot Mum.' and I am calling her all the names under the sun internally.

I just want to go downstairs for once, with Dh sad (his shift starts at 11)

Wolfiefan Fri 26-May-17 21:10:22

DH and I used to say out loud. FOTB. Fuck off to bed. When the whole parenting thing got too hard. When it was awful? FOTBN! NOW!!!!
You're saying it in your head. You're doing better than me. flowers

LauraMoon Fri 26-May-17 21:11:41

You need the book. Hang on.

MrsEvadneCake Fri 26-May-17 21:12:22

Op flowers

Has a sensory diet ever been looked at? It is exhausting.

LauraMoon Fri 26-May-17 21:12:55

Go the fuck to sleep

Bobbins43 Fri 26-May-17 21:14:03

Right there with you, buddy.

Neome Fri 26-May-17 21:15:22

flowers flowers

fanfrickintastic Fri 26-May-17 21:15:27

Yep. I say it in my head regularly! I just want some fucking sleep!

WHY AREN'T YOU TIRED!!!!

pottered Fri 26-May-17 21:15:33

You're not the only one - sounds like you're doing very well, even 30 mins of that has me muttering under my breath

DontTouchTheMoustache Fri 26-May-17 21:15:52

I scream it over and over in my head op. Thankfully I manage to chanel.this into a "come on sweetie, it's bedtime now" through gritted teeth but it takes every ounce of self control I posess.

AlmostAJillSandwich Fri 26-May-17 21:16:22

I'm not a parent but i greatly sympathise. And thinking what you are thinking is completely normal, so please dont beat yourself up over it, you're doing wonderfully parenting your little girl.

SharkSkinThing Fri 26-May-17 21:16:48

Just wanted to offer some solidarity.

Not autistic, but my 6 yo DS didn't sleep through for 5 years, woke at 4.15am (now wakes at 5.30am, hoo fucking ray). He's still a pain in the arse at bedtime.

The phrase 'go fuck yourself' would be on my gravestone.

Hope you have some 🍷🍕🍫 on hand!

JumpingJellybeanz Fri 26-May-17 21:17:03

I feel for you, I really do. DD was the same. I'd be up all night with her. I'm ashamed to say I did lose it and scream at her to just stay in bed. It never worked, but years and years sleep deprivation does that to you.

DD finally started sleeping a bit when she was about 8. 5 or 6 hours a night. She's 23 now and she's still the same.

youarenotkiddingme Fri 26-May-17 21:17:34

Have you ever looked into safe space rooms? There is a charity called new life who are great at supporting parents with funding towards one.

flowers from another mum of a sleep resistant autistic child. (He's 12 now and much improved so there is hope yet!)

Killdora Fri 26-May-17 21:17:50

Oh LauraMoon thats fantastic! Made it feel just a little more bearable! (Hiding under the cover with my headphones on grin)

Yes we've tried pretty much everything.

As dd doesn't appear to suffer any of the ill effects of lack of sleep consultant said maybe she just doesn't need much shock

Thank you, it just makes me feel so awful. It's so much easier to feel calm in the day.

Come nighttime I just want to run away. I've tried meditation etc.

I just keep telling myself 'just one more year. Maybe she'll sleep next year'

Crispmonster1 Fri 26-May-17 21:20:59

You're post has helped me immensely! Bedtimes I can do...bath time though .......confused

DustyMaiden Fri 26-May-17 21:21:06

My DGD was the same she has been given something by Gosh, sadly can't remember what it is called but know they tried several prescriptions before they got it right. You could ask your GP

Killdora Fri 26-May-17 21:22:15

Oh thank god!

I'm so glad I'm not the only one!

I'm told I'm very chilled on the outside but if anyone/dd could hear what's going on with in my head at night they'd run grin

I used to internally have a go at myself for getting annoyed but that just seemed to up the rage, internal swearing seems to help release it a little.

I thought I might get my arse handed to me, I feel so much better.

ddssdd Fri 26-May-17 21:22:55

OP, have you seen michael McIntyre's bedtime sketch? It's worth watching. I will try & link grin

Killdora Fri 26-May-17 21:23:28

Ooo I think one of the health visitors did mention safe spaces but in the haze I forgot to look it up.

Thank you I will check those out.

ASheepInWolfsClothing Fri 26-May-17 21:24:08

You're not alone ! For work read home and this about covers it 😉

elevenclips Fri 26-May-17 21:26:33

My autistic dc doesn't want to sleep but will sleep happily in bed with me or dh. We couldn't all fit in the bed so I put another bed same height by ours.

mummylollypop Fri 26-May-17 21:26:55

I totally get where your coming from. I'm glad my children can't Mind read the amount of swearing I do in my head

booellesmum Fri 26-May-17 21:27:27

Mine were very money orientated.
I gave them pocket money. When they wouldn't settle and constantly called me up they were told it's fine to call if you are unwell/ nose bleed/ nightmare etc but if I was called for something they could sort themselves ie/ water, blanket on/ off, light on/ off etc I would charge them for my wasted time. Obviously this only works if your child is money motivated.
I really sympathise - it did drive me crazy until I found my solution.

Cynara Fri 26-May-17 21:27:51

Oh good grief. You're a better woman than me. I mutter "shut the fucking fuck up you fucking whinging fucking shite" under my breath (and occasionally out loud, I'm very sorry to say) on more or less a daily basis. I also stand in the pantry doorway with my back to the kitchen, shoving chocolate into my mouth and turning round now and again to say" eat your carrots and broccoli please" in an authoritative voice, and all that with DS having been a brilliant, 9 hours a night sleeper since 9 months. Don't give yourself a hard time. It's a very, very tough time for you and you're doing your best and surviving. Take one day at a time and don't be hard on yourself.

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