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I don't see how I can get past this phase

(23 Posts)
chevit Fri 26-May-17 20:18:26

My DS is 5 months and is currently a nightmare at bedtime.
I'm at the point where my nerves are so shot I threw a bowl into the sink this morning and it smashed everywhere. I know it's awful, I already feel like a failure.
He will go down for his naps just fine, but will no longer go down for bed. For the past week we've had to resort to driving him to sleep or feeding him to sleep.
He just screams!
His routine hasn't changed at all, he is EBF but has a bottle of expressed milk (expressed that morning) with Gaviscon in for his reflux.
It's always been that DP does the nighttime feed with him, play Ewan in the background, starlight on, down for bed and asleep by 8.30pm.
Now all of a sudden he will just scream. He screams so hard that he gets red hot and we need to strip him to cool him down again. He is completely inconsolable if we leave him. I've tried everything.
We've put a fan in his room to try and cool him down if it's the heat and he is fine once he is asleep. But what used to be a 30 minute bedtime routine is now a few hours long. Eventually he falls asleep around 10.30pm so we have to endure 2 hours of screaming every night. I can't take much more! Someone help?

DearMrDilkington Fri 26-May-17 20:23:47

His still very young for a proper bedtime routine.

Silverthorn Fri 26-May-17 20:27:19

Drop a nap maybe?
How many is he having? Have you just started him on solid food? Weaning upset my ds sleep. Anything changed? Teething?

Haggisfish Fri 26-May-17 20:29:04

Maybe he needs infant ranitidine. It will pass. Dd was the same.

acquiescence Fri 26-May-17 20:29:29

How many naps is he having? Around this age I needed to ensure my little one didn't nap past 3.30 or so or he wouldn't go to sleep in the evening. What is your routine? Do you do bath, milk, story? Do you cuddle/rock him to sleep?
It's very tough, I can empathise, I have thrown crockery on the floor out of sheer frustration at lack of sleep when my little one was around this age.

Dishwashersaurous Fri 26-May-17 20:31:02

Maybe just try altering it for a bit, so booby instead of bottles for a few days. It's not unusual for there to be a change to routine

itshappenedagain Fri 26-May-17 20:33:59

Don't put the gaviscon in the bottle...my dd wouldn't settle at night unless she has the gaviscon 15 mins before her feed at bedtime, but at any other time if the day she was fine. If he is still unsettled try going back to the doctors and get done ranitidine, as it may be the reflux is getting worse.

frozenfairy123 Fri 26-May-17 20:49:00

8.30 may be too late? Do u keep him upright for a while as that could help the reflux?
Also look at your diet, maybe try less dairy?
Breast milk actually has sleepy hormones at night so u may be better expressing at night. Xx

duxb Fri 26-May-17 20:52:12

Leap five I'm afraid, I know it's horrible. Definitely the worst leap for us so far - and still a week or so to go.

It will pass. That's all I keep repeating to myself.

PS: id kill for a bedtime routine like what's normal for you. It's incredible for a baby so young to self settle.

HornyTortoise Fri 26-May-17 20:58:23

I would say this is probably colic. 2+ hours of proper red faced screaming? If so, it passes..its fucking horrible, but it does end. My daughter had this between about 9 weeks and 3 months. Every fucking night, bang on 7pm she would start. Just after 10 it would end. like clockwork.

was awful to settle too, but that passed too...

applespearsbears Fri 26-May-17 20:59:53

Have you upped his gaviscon? My daughter was the same and it turned out to be because she'd grown but we hadn't upped the gaviscon.
Hope you get to the bottom of it.

Waterlemon Fri 26-May-17 21:01:56

If he's had a recent growth spurt he may need his medication increased - or a different medication if the gaviscon is not doing the trick anymore

fanfrickintastic Fri 26-May-17 21:26:57

We didn't get a reliable bedtime until DS was 14 months and we resorted to controlled crying. He's still a bit hit and miss. He'd just scream and scream until I thought he's burst a blood vessel. Until then he just stayed down stairs with us and if he fell asleep I'd try and put him down but 9 times out of 10 he'd end up just sleeping on me.

He was a very difficult baby, until 8 months would only sleep on me, including at night - had to be in the crook of my arm, nose to nipple. Wouldn't even lie on the bed next to me. And he woke every 45 - 90 mins!

Much better now though, will go 3-4 hours at a time most nights. It does get easier.

chevit Fri 26-May-17 21:40:12

Thanks for all the replies.

I'll try and answer all the questions lol.
He used to go to bed at 9 but started getting so tired in the evenings he was grumpy so we brought it forward about a month ago and that seemed to work. If he is especially tired he will go down earlier (and get up earlier but that's no problem) if he stays up however he is up crying for longer if that makes sense?
I get him weighted every 2 weeks so do his gaviscon according to his weight so it should be right.
His routine has changed slightly as he's moved into his own room but he was fine at the beginning.
He had solids for the first time a couple days ago but this predates that.
I've had to boob him to sleep tonight and it has worked. DP is suggesting a dummy which I really don't want sad

elmo1980 Fri 26-May-17 22:03:41

Our 4 month old has reflux and I had tried gaviscon but it just didn't work for him, he still screamed so Dr gave us ranitidine. I no longer give it to him 3 t
imes a day as prescribed as it gave him the runs but when I notice the symptoms being bad I will give him a dose and it settles him right down. Maybe worth a try?

elmo1980 Fri 26-May-17 22:05:08

Btw I didn't want a dummy either but I finally relented after a particularly bad night and it was like a magic wand had been waved! You can control how often you give it, I only give it my ds if I think it will tip him over the edge into sleep.

minipie Fri 26-May-17 22:23:49

So boobing to sleep worked... well go with that. Tis normal at this age. My guess would be he is teething or verging on dropping a nap. Keep up the self settling at nap times and you'll be fine.

PonderLand Fri 26-May-17 22:25:21

If he seems in pain or is crying more than usual it's probably worth getting him checked at the GP, ear infection, throat infection, tender tummy. Somebody posted a very similar thread a few days ago and her baby had an ear infection.

If all is okay then I'd remove the expectation that bed time is at a certain time. we didn't have a bed time until my son was 7 months and it took until 10 months before I could reliably say '8pm is bed time'.

Is your baby crying once he goes into the cot or is he unsettled during the day too? My son gets upset if I put him to bed when he isn't tired, so I take him downstairs and let him play etc. Even now, he went to bed at 7:30 last night and 9pm tonight! I wait for the sleeping signs, very lucky that he shows them as I know not every baby shows their tired.
If he is unsettled most of the time then it's probably worth taking him to the doctor to make sure there isn't an underlying issue.

Jellyhanging555 Fri 26-May-17 22:26:36

What are your reasons for not wanting a dummy? They really do help soothe children and can be kept solely in the cot for sleeping times. They are also (relatively) easy to take away when your child reaches an age at which they understand they can no longer have them (and sleep does not deteriorate back to its original state!) I would go with it to see if it helps- especially if your child is in distress every night. Other than that I would definitely look at the naps they are having during the day- no more than 3 hours in total- at that age- preferably all at once during the midday period so that your child is not over tired at night.

professorvape Fri 26-May-17 22:31:55

You need perspective, but that comes from having a break, time to yourself to be a grown up. Sounds patronising, but sorry to carve out time to yourself. It's a sanity saver. Equally, make a conscious effort to lower your standards. Repeat often: 'does it really matter?'. It gets easier, I really truly promise, and believe you look back on this time with fondnes.

user1488721675 Fri 26-May-17 22:35:15

Has he had the bottle and a bf? Could he just be having a growth spurt and needed more?

To be honest, this is just the way baby's are, you think you've got into a good routine and then it all goes tits up, sleep when you have babies is all about survival, personal the less stress and upset the better so I've always just cuddled or fed them to sleep.

chevit Fri 26-May-17 23:30:47

I personally don't like dummies. DP and I both have addictive personalities (smoking mainly. I still can't be around smokers or I want a cig) and I'm worried I'll never get it off him if he has one. Plus, with all the love in the world, DP will do anything for an easy life so the idea that one day we'll have to take away this 'comfort' from DS fills me with fear that he will just cave!

I must admit, I didn't realise that routines aren't normally established by now. I thought they were! Everything I've read says 'routine routine routine'

He has three naps a day for an hour at a time. 9am, 12pm and 4pm. He sometimes misses a nap if we're out or he's just not tired, but most days he will sleep at these times. He sort of developed these himself and I just followed his signals that he was tired. Same with bedtime.

Fed to sleep did work tonight, but it's failed other nights hence the driving to sleep but I'm so scared to have him rely on anything for bed. I know it's silly but I'm panicking over our living situation anyways.

PonderLand Sat 27-May-17 13:13:36

I really wouldn't worry about trying to implement your own routine. You say he's formed his own routine with nap time so keep following his lead with that and do the same for bedtime. Now my son is nearly one I can slightly distract him from naps to make sure he doesn't sleep too late in the afternoon, when he was younger though I'd let him sleep whenever he wanted, made our lives much easier as we didn't expect any sleep at certain times.

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