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To be annoyed at the school for teaching my 5 yo about Manchester tragedy?

(100 Posts)
Moomoomango Thu 25-May-17 19:17:48

My 5yo is in year reception at school. He came out of school today repeatedly asking "what happened about that man that made bad choices?" For 10-15 minutes I had no idea what he was talking about until he said he killed lots of people and hurt lots of people.

Then I clicked. He then told me they had to sit very quietly for a minute and think about it because of respect.

Now, I personally have been shaken to the core like many, worried at night and me and dp agreed there is no point in talking to our 5yo about it because it doesn't directly affect him, and would only upset him.

I know the school would have said it in very simple terms but aibu to think my 5yo should not be told about it at school and it should be the parents choice.

Also he's 5... my god he has years of fear ahead of him, I want to keep his world innocent, pure for as long as I can. I cannot imagine what being told about a horrible man who killed people would have made me feel like at 5.

We live no where near Manchester and he has no older siblings or friends that would tell him about it.

He could have lived in blissful ignorance of being 5.

Now he's scared and keeps asking details.

Aibu to think this shouldn't have been in our education system? Aibu to think they should have at least told us they were going to talk to the kids about it?

TittyGolightly Thu 25-May-17 19:18:49

They were holding a minutes silence and explaining why. He hasn't lost his innocence. hmm

ballerinabelle Thu 25-May-17 19:19:49

It's a difficult one. Other children will know and talk about it so why shouldn't the school make it clear that a) it's happened and b) it was a wicked act of evil.

I understand he's 5 but like everything else, he will hear about it

HopeClearwater Thu 25-May-17 19:20:12

You send him to school. You can no longer control that part of his world. What makes you think there would have been no mention of it from his peers? Many children where I work are well aware of the dreadful news, even very young ones. Better to hear it explained carefully by an adult than by a child who may well have misunderstood it.

TheLegendOfBeans Thu 25-May-17 19:20:32

YABU I'm afraid.

School is designed to not only academically educate but also to expose children to the world.

LindyHemming Thu 25-May-17 19:21:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HopeClearwater Thu 25-May-17 19:21:21

Aibu to think they should have at least told us they were going to talk to the kids about it

What would you have done? Kept him off?

Sirzy Thu 25-May-17 19:21:38

A school 10 minutes from where I live are having to deal with the fact one of their 8 year old students has died. That is children losing their innocence.

Ds school did a non uniform day today to help fundraise for a memorial for her school. Every school in the town did.

As long as things are discussed in a sensitive way I don't have a problem with it.

harderandharder2breathe Thu 25-May-17 19:21:40

They had to tell them something to explain the minutes silence. As long as they did it in an age appropriate way which it sounds like they did (saying a man made bad choices and hurt people) I think it's fine and too be expected. You can't shelter them from everything forever.

Saucery Thu 25-May-17 19:21:49

He'd be very lucky not to hear playground talk about it, even from his peers and certainly from older children.
I do see where you are coming from, but I think the school sounds like they put it in an age appropriate way. I would stick to the same approach as they did. A man made a terrible choice and people died because of it.

Loopytiles Thu 25-May-17 19:22:03


pipsqueak25 Thu 25-May-17 19:22:41

it's not good but the news is full of this stuff you can't hide everything from kids, and a minutes silence is just respectful, it would have been explained gently.
back in the '70's this stuff was sadly an all to regular occurance with the ira bombings on a regular basis, we were told about it as young kids in my school and knowing helped reduce the fear for me, but everyone is different..

sashh Thu 25-May-17 19:23:57

Would you prefer he learned it in an age appropriate way from a responsible adult or from a group of year 6 children acting it out?

If he isn't already he will be reading soon, he will probably walk past a newspaper stand at some point in his life.

You might not be anywhere near Manchester but how do you know none of the children at your ds's school don't have relatives in Manchester?

leccybill Thu 25-May-17 19:24:21

Yes I thought exactly the same about my DD in Yr2, preserving their innocence and all that, I'm with you on that.
Only at the last minute and en route to school on Tues morning did I decide to have a brief and simple chat about it and I'm glad I did as it turns out one of her classmates was at the arena, luckily unharmed, and there was lots of talk about it.
I'm glad it came from me first. Feel sad though as you say about her innocence being taken away.

Mumzypopz Thu 25-May-17 19:25:41

I know what you mean about wanting to protect your children from this nastiness a bit longer......however.....he is five, but there will be older children in that school who will know about it. It will be on children's newsround, and children may have family members or friends of friends who were affected. Therefore I don't think a minutes silence is unusual in schools. He is five, he will probably have forgotten about it by now.

Bubblesdays Thu 25-May-17 19:26:55

Better to learn from the school in a thought out age appropriate way then hear a garbled version second hand in the playground.

Gileswithachainsaw Thu 25-May-17 19:28:51

I think yabu I'm afraid.

Far better he hears an age appropriate summary from trusted adults than catches glimpses of headlines and parts of playground gossip.

There may he people directly connected to the attack at that school andbit doesn't hurt to be be made aware so they cab be sympathetic and we watch out for their friends eye

PotteringAlong Thu 25-May-17 19:28:59

aibu to think they should have at least told us they were going to talk to the kids about it

To be honest I think you could have worked it out for yourself without them contacting you.

Gileswithachainsaw Thu 25-May-17 19:29:11


Ffs auto correct

Shriekable Thu 25-May-17 19:30:16

Actually I agree with you: going through something similar myself. I have a very anxious child, and the school made the decision to tell him and his classmates all about it. I think they should have given the parents a heads up: telling reception kids about terrorism and holding a silent vigil has shook a few of them up. I know we can't protect them forever, but they're 4 and 5, for goodness sake. I grew up knowing nothing about the IRA when I was infant school age - at the height of their terror campaign - and I'm glad as I was a very anxious child. I got over it and so will my DS, but I would never have told him otherwise.

MaisyPops Thu 25-May-17 19:30:27


They've explained it in an age appropriate way. Id rather teachers handled it in an appropriate way that allow children who knew to scare people who don't in the playground by accident.

If it helps I used this today
It's really good for helping children to talk and reflect.

TheRealPooTroll Thu 25-May-17 19:31:31

YABU. Kids at the school will be talking about it and filling in the gaps in what they know - often in a way that makes it scarier. Much better it is explained in a reassuring, age appropriate way.

soimpressed Thu 25-May-17 19:32:18

At my school we decided that only the KS2 children should mark the one minute silence as it may have been something parents of the younger children would want to discuss (or not) with their children. Hope this was the right decision.

Farahilda Thu 25-May-17 19:32:27

Much better to be told by teachers who have thought about what they are saying, and how they will deal with the likely follow up questions, than by fellow pupils who do have older siblings, or some family connection directly affected (either the incident or the response), or who are allowed to watch CBBC, or who can read and have seen a newspaper front page.

Once they are at school, the parent is no longer in control of the information flow.

But I can see it's hard to have that realisation on the back of a shocking incident.

TittyGolightly Thu 25-May-17 19:32:41

I grew up knowing nothing about the IRA when I was infant school age - at the height of their terror campaign

We didn't have 24/7 rolling news/social media then though.

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