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to ask for help? Has anyone moved in with elderly parent rather than the other way around?

(10 Posts)
Laiste Thu 25-May-17 16:53:42

If so how did it go? Talk to me. Was it a disaster?

In short - my head's spinning and i can't decide what to do. Move in with my mum or move bloody miles away. Can't afford property round here. Me, DH, 2 (or even 3) adult kids and a toddlers lives are hanging on this decision. Plus my mums of course. It's a big one. Tensions are rising already.

<clutches head>

I need some sound advice.

user1491572121 Fri 26-May-17 12:33:56

Why would you all move in with your Mum though? Is she up for that? It would be potentially very hard.

My SIl lives with her Dad and her toddler...ONE child and her Dad feels like he has no privacy any more. It's ruined his retirement.

FrancisCrawford Fri 26-May-17 12:38:52

Is this to take care of your parent? If so, then having four or five adults who can share the caring responsibilities could be an advantage

Would you be buying your DMs house?

Things to consider - is there enough room for everyone to have privacy?

The adult children - are they looking to find their own places in the near future?

How will bills, household chores be divided?

LorLorr2 Fri 26-May-17 12:46:01

Has it got enough space to make it a better option that moving to a new area?

LorLorr2 Fri 26-May-17 12:46:22

*than moving

CryingShame Fri 26-May-17 13:23:24

Does your mum need care, or is it just that you can't afford to buy in the area so you either share her house or move where you can afford. If your mum has a huge pile with enough bedrooms and bathrooms to give everyone space I'd think about it. If she has a bog-standard 3-bed semi, Christ no.

It'd be better if both you and she sold up and bought a new place together, if that's what you'd want to do, then it's "our" house rather than hers iyswim.

BeachyKeen Fri 26-May-17 14:27:39

Don't do it
Just don't

Mia1415 Fri 26-May-17 14:32:51

My 4 year old son and I live with my Mum. I moved in when I was 8 months pregnant. She is disabled and her health is deteriorating (we had a real scare earlier this year).

I'm not going to lie....its not easy! She loves my DS to bits, but he can be challenging and she can't cope with his tantrums and doesn't always agree with my parenting style.

I'm having to do more for her and I know that things will continue to get harder. But...I am on hand to help and with no other family around there's no other alternative really.

Its also wonderful to see her and my DS's relationship. He adores her.

Think long and hard about it. How does your Mum feel? And your children?

CormorantDevouringTime Fri 26-May-17 14:36:19

Think very carefully about the financial implications. If your DM was suddenly taken into residential care then you could find yourself on the streets sharpish.

Tinseleverywhere Fri 26-May-17 14:39:06

Unless you and your dh have amazingly good relationship with your mum I think this could go wrong. As a pp said if the house is very big and could be divided up it might work better. People I know who live successfully with their elderly parents tend to have a sort of separate apartment for the parent so you each have your privacy and a place you can set up as you want it, but you can easily go to each other when you want.

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