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I need a good old fashioned MN dressing down

(145 Posts)
Givemeasterntalkingto Thu 25-May-17 16:37:41

I have a shameful tale to confess....
A prolonged flirtation with an extremely hot tradesman who had been working in my house. Husband is a good man who I love but always at work. Nothing physical has gone on, just lots of extremely flirtatious texting and lots of time spent sitting around chatting (instead of him working).

The job was finally finished last week and we both decided we needed to stop the texting. Bloody hard though, he's extremely hot, just my type totally. Dark, beardy and body like Becks in his heyday. Feel completely overtaken by carnal desire - so am not making good decisions really.

We've had no contact for 5 days (after speaking virtually every day either in person or by text) for 2 months, and I'm going stir crazy.
Obviously it's a "bad idea" to text him but I am weakening and need a right royal roasting on Planet Mumsnet. In my heart I know that I've been leading all of this and he's just been responding (he isn't married), which is making me feel very undeserving of my lovely husband and generally like a bit of a lowlife for letting it get so far. sad

acornsandnuts Thu 25-May-17 16:40:33

How would you feel if it was your DH doing the flirting and texting and you were unaware. It's shit. Stop doing it.

Heratnumber7 Thu 25-May-17 16:41:15



AlternativeTentacle Thu 25-May-17 16:42:11

That is low.

Go for a wank and get it out of your system. Or rip your husband's heart out. Your choice.

Bubblesdays Thu 25-May-17 16:42:26

Don't text him, or if your going to continue down that path, leave your husband as it's not fair to lead both along, how would you feel if that was your husband doing that with a woman he met?

Laiste Thu 25-May-17 16:43:21

Tell your husband. I'm serious. If you want to go on texting the tradesman; ask for permission and see how DH feels.

No? No goer? Then stop.

Piss or get off the pot.

Pinkheart5917 Thu 25-May-17 16:43:38

How would you feel if your dh was getting turned on by flirting & texting a very attractive younger women?

If you love your dh imo you do not behave this way, you know your in the wrong or you wouldn't even be posting.

Delete the number

CaptainObviousTwo Thu 25-May-17 16:43:55

Headover to the Relationships topic and have a read of the people who are currently in your Husband's position. Take a good long look at the damage it does to a person and a family.

If you don't want to be with your husband, then that's a separate matter that you need to address (without cheating!).
If you do, then for God's sake give him the respect that it sounds like he deserves and that you hope he affords to you too.

bloodyuselessme Thu 25-May-17 16:43:56

Think about how hurt you'd be if it was your husband doing this.

kaytee87 Thu 25-May-17 16:44:28

Delete his number and all of his messages. You will forget about him.
Ask your husband if he can take some time off work to reconnect, go on a date, weekend away or even a holiday if you can.

ClemDanfango Thu 25-May-17 16:44:59

You need more than a dressing down! Your behaviour is fucking awful and if your husband posted on her asking for advice about this I'd tell him to fucking leave you.

Kateallison16 Thu 25-May-17 16:45:31

Its quite simple really. Him or your husband. Because if it continues this will end badly. At the moment you are undeserving, but you dont have to be. No harm done yet, delete his number and move on.

Givemeasterntalkingto Thu 25-May-17 16:46:00

Hanging my head in shame... I would be broken if my husband did this to me. I live in fear of this guy showing him screen grabs of our conversations. Thankfully I don't think he's the type and we parted on good terms. But even so ... am really in need of some serious soul-searching over this.

Givemeasterntalkingto Thu 25-May-17 16:48:28

CaptainObvious ... too horrifying. I really didn't give a thought to consequences... Am shocked at how flippant I've been over the things in my life that are most important.

ExplodedCloud Thu 25-May-17 16:48:36

He's probably moved on to his next customer now. You won't be the only one that gets the chat...

Pootles2010 Thu 25-May-17 16:50:13

Text your husband - organise a date, a dirty weekend away, whatever. Buy some lovely underwear, all the new relationship stuff. Focus on him, not this other bloke.

Givemeasterntalkingto Thu 25-May-17 16:51:29

ExplodedCloud... I'm sure. He has a lot of swag about him so no doubt.

gunsandbanjos Thu 25-May-17 16:51:40

Really, really shit behaviour. Disrespectful and disgusting. I feel very sorry for your husband.
Your 'hot' tradesmen will have moved on to bang the next bored housewife by now.

Givemeasterntalkingto Thu 25-May-17 16:52:45

Mumsnet I totally love you all. I am an incredible fuckwit and really need to fall back in lust with my husband.
Who is also pretty hot, I have to say, I've just been with him for a very long time!!

Tenpastlate Thu 25-May-17 16:53:09

Read about limerance. This is all about brain chemicals, you're an addict and need to go cold turkey. What you're experiencing now is withdrawal. Horrendous, but stay strong and you'll get through it.
Speaking from experience, the only way to do this is to remove temptation: delete his messages and his number. Distract yourself from intrusive thoughts, and do something positive for your real life self.

Givemeasterntalkingto Thu 25-May-17 16:53:17

You're right you're all right.

DonaldJBottyburp Thu 25-May-17 16:54:11

Really you have stepped waaaaaay over the line any of us would accept, and DH should LTB even if he doesn't know it.

Sort your fucking life out.

Givemeasterntalkingto Thu 25-May-17 16:54:37

God I really don't think I can delete his number and/or block him... fucking hell what is wrong with me??! Is this menopause related?? I'm too young surely (44)

Pigface1 Thu 25-May-17 16:55:02

I've been here (or somewhere similar). Thankfully am still with my lovely husband. I look back and cringe with shame at the sad, desperate buffoon I was being.

Seriously, delete the number and get over it. Nothing good can come of it. NOTHING.

ChildishGambino Thu 25-May-17 16:55:57

That's a really shitty thing to do.

Now, instead of 'you're right' you need to delete his number. And all of the messages.

Seriously low.

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