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To think he must know his behaviour is wrong?

(275 Posts)
RaincloudReverie Thu 25-May-17 13:47:00

We were in Homebase today looking for a fan. We live in a studio so I specifically stated that we shouldn't get a tower fan - one that goes on the table would be perfect. My OH proceeds to ignore the table-top fans - after I pointed out a couple, he had 'reasons for why they weren't good enough - and pick out a tower fan.

I asked him to think practically about where it would go, said I wasn't happy with it as it would clutter our flat up etc, and pointed out a table-top alternative.

Que him starting to walk to the till with it. Now, he was going to be using my bank card, because he basically spends all his own money on weed and has nothing left, so mostly everything household comes from me. I wasn't about to pay for that fan when we have no floor space as it is! I pointed this out. He put the fan back, saying "well if you're going to be such a dick about it then", and stormed out the shop.

I followed, asking him why he was acting so immaturely, throwing a tantrum because I said no to that particular style of fan? I tried reasoning with him, asking him where he thought that fan would go practically - he just shook his head and gave me the silent treatment.

He was pushing the buggy. I was in the left side near the carpark. He closed the gap between the buggy/him and the pavement, effectively forcing me off the curb into the car park. I tried to step back onto the pavement but he refused to move over. I nudged him, as if to say "hello?!", he didn't react. Didn't even look at me.

In the end I took the keys and walked home, leaving him to do the shopping on his own. I wasn't going to walk around Sainsbury's with my partner being completely blanked, with him speed-walking purposefully so that I struggle to keep up.

This is on top of this morning. He opened the bathroom door to let it ventilate while we went out. Instinctively, I shut it. I didn't even think. A simple 'Leave it open please', would have sufficed, but instead I got 'What the fuck are you doing you stupid fucking prick!' Completely irrational surely?

He overreacts about everything. He leaves his shoes hanging out from under the bed, so I slot then in nicely where they are supposed to go, to keep the room looking tidy. When he goes to get them on, instead of 'Where are my shoes?', I get 'Where the fuck are my shoes?'. Once I tell him where they are (behind a few pairs of other shoes, a little way under the bed), he says 'Well you can fucking get them for me then, creating unnecessary hassle as fucking always.'

I tell him not to swear at me so much, and he tries to justify it by saying 'you shouldn't act like such a fucking flid all your life then.'

Just a few weeks ago we were carrying the buggy down the block stairs, and just as we were leaving our front door I started a convo about this or that, benign stuff. I saw him pick the door keys up. As we were going down the first floor, he realised he'd left the keys indoors. Now, apparently this was 'my fucking fault' because I 'distracted him by talking shit in his ear'.

When we're out and someone bumps into me, even when it was evidently the other person's fault, he looks at me with contempt and says I'm a 'fucking dickhead, getting in everyone's way'.

I'll admit, I'm one of those annoying people who inadvertently make animated facial expressions and hand gestures while talking about things important to me at the time. If I do this in public, he tells me I 'Look like a fucking weirdo, everyone's looking at you, everyone's looking at you thinking what the fuck is wrong with you'.

He reacts to completely average occurrences involving me with 'Oh fuck off then you slag/cunt/prick/mental faggot' etc.

He really thinks it's me that's the problem, though. Surely not... He must realise? How can anyone who behaves like that genuinely think it's normal? hmm

PaperdollCartoon Thu 25-May-17 13:48:16

Why are you with this man?

Kokusai Thu 25-May-17 13:49:49

Fuck me, you don't deserve to be spoken to/treated like that.
You can do better.

ThreeFish Thu 25-May-17 13:50:58

"He spends all his money on weed"
there's your issue.

Have my first LTB. I honestly have no idea why you are with him.

ohfourfoxache Thu 25-May-17 13:51:22

You can't walk away from him.

You need to run like the wind.

TheLegendOfBeans Thu 25-May-17 13:51:22

I stopped reading after this:

he basically spends all his own money on weed

You have a child and you're still with him? Why?

user98765797837 Thu 25-May-17 13:51:38

it's not normal.... not once in 10 years together has my husband called me any of those names or sworn at me.

You need to leave him, its not healthy for you and it's definitely not healthy for a child to grow up in that sort of environment; both the abuse and the drugs!!

Katinkka Thu 25-May-17 13:51:44

Sounds like he hates you. He also sounds immature and a total loser.

SquatBetty Thu 25-May-17 13:52:06

Um yes, exactly what Paperdoll said.
Why? He sounds like an unpleasant, aggressive cunt. And he spends all his money on weed? Does he have any good points?

BeautyQueenFromMars Thu 25-May-17 13:52:27

Seriously, leave him. I rarely say this to anyone, but he is a nasty drug addict who is sponging off you and being verbally abusive whilst doing so. You deserve better, you really do.

FenellaMaxwellsPony Thu 25-May-17 13:53:03

Why are you with him?

Pigface1 Thu 25-May-17 13:53:14

Like a PP, I was thinking 'she needs to LTB' when I read the bit about spending all his money on weed.

That was before I got to the appalling verbal abuse.

userblablabla Thu 25-May-17 13:54:35

Why are you with him?! sad

PollytheDolly Thu 25-May-17 13:56:04

Well, isn't he a cunt.

What are your plans to remove this parasite from your life?

ScarlettFreestone Thu 25-May-17 13:57:44

It's not normal.
It's him not you.
You aren't responsible for his behaviour.

You are however responsible for your child.

Is this really a healthy situation for your child to grow up in?

You don't need him for financial support clearly, why aren't you throwing him out?

BeautyQueenFromMars Thu 25-May-17 13:58:04

Please get out of that relationship OP. Your little one doesn't deserve to grow up hearing and seeing how he speaks to and treats you. flowers

pigsDOfly Thu 25-May-17 13:58:06

Seriously, you're asking if he realizes he's in the wrong? What do you think?

I suspect the answer is he doesn't think he's in the wrong, he thinks he's in the right, because he's an abusive arsehole and he's getting away with it.

This is only likely to get worse. The longer you accept his appalling behaviour, the worse it will become.

You need to gather yourself together and get out of this situation.

Pearlmum1 Thu 25-May-17 13:58:26

You don't have to put up with this, you need to leave him because he has no respect for you. He wastes his money on weed? He sounds like a spoilt child and with nasty tongue.

bawlingbetty Thu 25-May-17 13:58:38

Reading that is like reading my old life. I shuddered reading it - speedwalking, silent treatment, weed smoking, verbal abuse. We also have a child together.

I LTB 2 years ago and I am deliriously happy I did.

Listen to the wise words of PP on here. These people will support you (as will I) if you do decide to leave.

Good luck

pastapestoparmesan Thu 25-May-17 13:59:07

Whether he knows he's wrong or not is really not the problem. The issue is why you choose to be with him.

uncoolnn Thu 25-May-17 13:59:17

I never say this but LTB

OpalTree Thu 25-May-17 13:59:26

He sounds lovely. confused

DawnOfTheMombie Thu 25-May-17 13:59:37

You live in a studio flat with a baby and a man who smokes weed? In the flat? Are you fucking real?b

Jackiebrambles Thu 25-May-17 13:59:56

Good god. Who cares whether he knows his behaviour is wrong or not? He's a total and utter arse-wipe and you need to get away from him with your child.

Lemonnaise Thu 25-May-17 14:00:07

Of course he know it's wrong but because you put up with it you've effectively given him permission to treat you like shit. You can't possibly be happy with a man like this so I think you should LTB (my first LTB)

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