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To not give a gift for family members wedding anniversaries?

(43 Posts)
GimbleInTheWabe Thu 25-May-17 10:40:54

I was out with my DM and DSis yesterday and whilst DM popped to the loo DSis said 'just thought I'd remind you that is it DM and DFs wedding anniversary on Friday, I've texted other 2 siblings to remind them too.' I was a bit confused because I wasn't sure what she expected from me. It's not a milestone anniversary and I've never given them a card/gift before.
Anyway I saw DM today and she said 'It's our wedding anniversary tomorrow and your two DSis' are taking us out to dinner.' I said that it sounded lovely (fyi I live far away so wouldn't have been involved in the planning or expected to go) but I now wonder if they're expecting something from me. I remember when it was my eldest Dsis' wedding anniversary my other DSis mentioned something about giving them a gift.

So! AIBU to not give a gift for a family members wedding anniversary? Is this a thing I'm supposed to do and didn't realise? If I'm honest I don't really see the point. It's not my husband/wife and I wouldn't expect it if I was married. If it was a milestone anniv I probably would but every year?!

FWIW I always send my DM flowers and a card on mothers day and always try and give her a thoughtful gift for her birthday and Christmas. Also I am not married as DP and I have no interest in getting married, but I have no problem with people who do choose to wed.

Allthebestnamesareused Thu 25-May-17 10:45:00

I send my parents cards each year and did gifts for silver and golden and flowers for ruby. That's all. Don't send catds for siblings or friends but if they mention their anniversary on social media say happy anniversary. That's my normal!

Sassypants82 Thu 25-May-17 10:46:48

YANBU. An anniversary is between the couple. It's a bit creepy anyone else getting involved tbh & as for gifts?! No way.

Lilybensmum1 Thu 25-May-17 10:47:08

I guess it's entirely your call, personally I do acknowledge my parents anniversary always have done, for my anniversary we get a little present from parents and db, and we reciprocate.

Be interested in what others do.

Blueredballoon Thu 25-May-17 10:49:22

I definitely think it's just for the couple only. My parents would think I'd gone mad if I bought them anything for their anniversary (don't even know when it is, actually!). My DH and I barely remember ours though so I might just be rubbish about anniversaries generally!

Whatsername17 Thu 25-May-17 10:49:26

I think it should be between three couple. Have your sisters always celebrated your parents anniversary or is this a new thing?

GimbleInTheWabe Thu 25-May-17 11:11:02

Glad to hear I'm not the only one who doesn't get it. Maybe if it had always been a 'thing' in the family I wouldn't see it as strange. DP and I barely remember our own anniversary and have been out for a meal once to celebrate that I can remember.

whatsername I'm not sure if my sisters always celebrate it.. one of them likes to give lavish gifts and then tell everyone how expensive they were so I imagine she's done it before. Sometimes she likes to arrange a gift that's v expensive and then expects the siblings to go a quarter in on it, that's always fun toohmm

KC225 Thu 25-May-17 11:20:36

It wouldn't occur to give a gift or card for a wedding anniversary unless a big one like gold, diamond etc.

We used to exchange cards but have moved to a rural location with one local shop so no longer bother. What we do is book a nice meal out in the nearest City. It's no surprise as we usually study the online menus to decide where we would like to go. It's what we enjoy but would expect anyone else to get involved.

Mamadothehump Thu 25-May-17 11:22:46

I always buy a card and a bottle of champagne for my parents and in laws.

Biker47 Thu 25-May-17 11:22:50

I couldn't even tell you the date my parents got married, or my sister. I've only got my parents a card once and that was because they had a party for their silver anniversary.

KC225 Thu 25-May-17 11:22:59

But would NOT expect anyone to get involved. Opps my clumsy fingers

Mulberry72 Thu 25-May-17 11:32:43

I always sent DM & DF a card and flowers in their Anniversary and my siblings and I always chipped in for a gift for milestone anniversaries.

I don't send cards etc to my siblings, just a quick text. No biggie.

WatchingFromTheWings Thu 25-May-17 11:35:19

Anniversaries are for the couple. I never sent cards to my mum and dad....or my mum and her various subsequent husbands.

Roussette Thu 25-May-17 11:49:57

I find it weird to give cards to friends or family on their wedding anniversary. Of course, silver, gold or diamond wedding yes, if they celebrate it ... but us having already celebrated 30 years, I would have found it bloody odd if anyone else had sent cards, the kids wished us well and that was all I wanted, we had a great break away and it was all about us, not anyone else.
Haven't a clue when anyone's wedding anniversary is! It's bad enough keeping track of birthdays.

Pinkheart5917 Thu 25-May-17 11:52:21

I do for my parents, just a card but did get a gift for 25th & 50th anniversary

Dh always did for his parents until fil passed away

But to anyone else no

GimbleInTheWabe Thu 25-May-17 11:53:48

Glad the general consensus is that it's not necessary. TBH coming from a big family is expensive enough with all the birthdays etc, adding in a gift for other people's anniversaries would leave me skint!

Maybe since she mentioned it to me I'll send a text but don't want it to become a habit of competitive gift giving.

Paperdove87 Thu 25-May-17 12:00:49

Oh god my DH insists on getting gifts for his parents' anniversaries and I find it so creepy and weird. And now I've had to start getting mine things too because he does it for his and they all talk about it. Last year we bought them tickets for a day out and have somehow ended up going too and it's actually costing us quite a lot of money. They've arranged it for the weekend before their anniversary. Also I asked them over for dinner sometime in the next couple of weeks and DH and them have decided on the actual day of their anniversary. So now we're cooking for and eating with them on the day of their wedding anniversary. So icky to me! It's not even a big anniversary! I've talked to DH about how I feel and he's apologised but it's too late now. Sorry for the rant just really irritated!

Fliptophead Thu 25-May-17 12:02:50

I wouldn't give a gift unless there was a party (for a milestone anniversary). I find it slightly odd that these are your family and not in laws though as you seem to be unaware of your own family's culture!

Cheerybigbottom Thu 25-May-17 12:13:59

I only give a gift on milestone anniversaries. My parents do expect a card for theirs but forget ours (it's been 2 years ). If I mention in passing to anyone I appreciate their warm regards but I never expect a card or gift. We exchange cards between us but don't even bother with gifts.

I echo pp's who say it's a personal occasion between the couple.

GimbleInTheWabe Thu 25-May-17 12:16:36

Yes I know fliptop I agree! I think it's a new thing as I don't really remember it being a big deal before. That being said I am the youngest and 25 so maybe it's been going on without me knowing whilst I was still studying and generally being poor so not expected to join in. Also expensive gift sister still lives at home so she's more engrained in their day to day whereas I live in a city far away. Think she feels that if she's pressured to do something everyone else should be too - no thanks!

mumeeee Thu 25-May-17 12:19:29

I used to give my parents a card on their anniversary but did give a gift on big anniversaries particularly their Diamond one.

RB68 Thu 25-May-17 12:22:12

I gen send a card for the milestones - but its 50 this yr so other siblings (5 of them) are wibbling about doing something but its always something THEY want to do rather than what M&D would want - bloody annoying. Can you see 70 yr old parents on bouncy castle....

JigglyTuff Thu 25-May-17 12:22:27

Only for 'big' ones and I wouldn't do it for my siblings, just my parents.

metalmum15 Thu 25-May-17 12:22:40

Dh and I don't even give each other a card or gift on our anniversary, never mind anyone else!

londonrach Thu 25-May-17 12:27:35

Never ever done gifts and card only for the big ones...60, 50, 40, 25.

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