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To be pissed off at just being dropped last minute?

(70 Posts)
Writerwannabe83 Wed 24-May-17 20:51:18

I have a friend who I've known since school, so 16/17 years and three years ago we both had a child within a few months of each other. Prior to the children coming along I didn't see her too frequently but as we then had young infants at the same time we naturally saw each other more and this has continued to the point we probably see each other maybe once a week. Our children (both 3) get along really well and we get them together whenever we can really.

Last week when we met up we agreed that the following Thursday (tomorrow) we'd take them to a local animal sanctuary which is supposed to be really fun for young children and my DS has been really looking forward to it.

Anyway, I text her tonight to ask what time did she want to set off tomorrow and she basically said she's made other plans to go to the beach now but she's free Friday if I still want to go to the Sanctuary.

I felt really pissed off, not only because I've just been dropped but because she also didn't even bother to let me know.

My son was so excited about seeing his friend and going on the day out.

She does have form for being a bit flaky at times but she's never been this rude before and I feel quite upset about it. I always thought if you made plans with someone then you stick to them, not just change your mind if a better offer comes along and then not even bother to tell them. It wasn't as though she even extended the invite to ask if me and DS wanted to go to the beach too.

It's coming up an hour since she answered my text but I still haven't replied because I just don't know what to say. I don't want her to think that what she's done is ok but nor do I want to cause a rift.

My DH thinks I'm overreacting but I feel so let down, angry and pissed off!

JollySmelly Wed 24-May-17 21:09:34

I think anyone would be annoyed at this OP. I know I would. How you deal with it is up to you. How big of a loss would she be to you? I certainly wouldn't capitulate and be available on Friday that's for sure! Maybe make yourself a little less available for a while?

Kokusai Wed 24-May-17 21:11:09

Go with your child, have a nice day. She is rude.

CruCru Wed 24-May-17 21:14:04

I don't think you're overreacting. When you decide you've had enough of someone, it's usually because of a series of small things, rather than one big thing.

Reply with "What a shame. No, Friday won't work for me". Then make lots of plans with other people. It sounds as though this person has got used to you being available to her. Don't be.

AnneBiscuit Wed 24-May-17 21:21:57

I'd reply "Oh OK. DS was expecting to go tomorrow so I'll still take him as he'll be upset if I change it to Friday".

Writerwannabe83 Wed 24-May-17 21:30:23

There are 5 of us, all close friends with children, and she is known to be the hardest one to pin down and get her to commit to things. We all laugh about her flakiness at times and joke that it's "just her" but this has really irritated me.

She's the only one of us who is a SAHP yet she's the one who is the most difficult to make plans with.

This isn't the first time she's pulled out of something last minute which has left me feeling annoyed. In the past I've tended to just pull away from her a little and stop suggesting meet-ups but then I feel bad for the children as they get on so well and my DS frequently asks to see her DD.

GoodDayToYou Wed 24-May-17 22:16:11

I don't think you're BU either.

I think sometimes we have to confront these issues with people, or else they just keep doing it and end up not respecting you at all. How about texting her something like this:

"Oh wow, I wasn't expecting that so late in the day. That's disappointing - we have both been looking forward to it. Can't do Friday. See you another time. x"

?? Just an idea.

Awwlookatmybabyspider Wed 24-May-17 22:26:16

I think I'd be peeved, too. When was she actually going to tell you 5 minutes before you and your DS were leaving.
Can you not take your ds on your own or go with your other friends.
Or is going Friday not an option

Pumpkintopf Wed 24-May-17 22:44:36

Agree with pp, she has behaved very badly. Can you just go with your child tomorrow or would that be upsetting to your dc?

emmyrose2000 Thu 25-May-17 02:02:02

YANBU

I despise people like that - who change/cancel plans, but don't actually bother telling you until you call to confirm or whatever.

Are there three other mums' going to the zoo as well as this woman? If so, I'd just stick to the original plan of the rest of the group attending on Thursday and not even consider changing for the other selfish woman. I also wouldn't be in a hurry to make other plans with her in the future either.

TheMysteriousJackelope Thu 25-May-17 02:18:28

YANBU. It's rude to cancel because a better offer came along.

If she does this sort of thing frequently enough for your group of friends to joke about it then I suggest only inviting her to things you'll be doing as a group. Then when she cancels you can go ahead anyway with the others.

Does she assume everyone has the same degree of flexibility that she does? So in her mind it's no problem to suddenly decide to go to the beach and the sanctuary the next day as everyone is available all the time.

Rainbowqueeen Thu 25-May-17 03:16:35

I'd send GoodDays text.

And Id also only arrange things with her as part of a group and stop telling my DS that we planned to meet so that he didn't get disappointed.

Flaky people do my head in!

GloriousGoosebumps Thu 25-May-17 03:43:58

Since this isn't the first time that she has pulled out of arrangements at the last minute, I would guess that you are the friend that she feels won't make a fuss so she can treat you this way. You need to change that perception of you by refusing to rearrange and continuing with your plans. You also need to increase your son's friendship group so that he has other friends that he would like to spend time with. It'll be interesting to see if she treats you differently when she can't simply rely on you to fall in with last minute changes to your plans.

Writerwannabe83 Thu 25-May-17 07:00:18

Thanks everyone,

It was just me and her going today. Her being a SAHM and me working shifts means we can have mid-week meets whereas we can only see our other friends at the weekends as they work Mon-Fri.

I'm still very tempted to just go to the Sanctuary on my own today with DS, he will be disappointed about not seeing my friend's DD but not as disappointed if I were to cancel altogether.

I could go on Friday instead like she suggested but i would feel like if I agreed to that it's basically saying that what she's done is acceptable.

rollonthesummer Thu 25-May-17 07:05:06

Good day's text is perfect-send that!

Do you have many other friends? From your last message it sounds enough you are actually free on Friday. Does she think you are her only friend so imagines you basically sitting at home waiting for her??

Newmanwannabe Thu 25-May-17 07:09:22

Was there a miscommunication? Did she think it wasn't confirmed whereas you did. Sounds very odd

morningrunner Thu 25-May-17 07:09:48

I had this with a friend for years. It never got better. I cut ties in the end

TwatteryFlowers Thu 25-May-17 07:11:50

If you do as she suggests and VP on Friday instead she'll only keep on doing this to you. You have to tell her more or less what you've said here: I felt really pissed off, not only because I've just been dropped but because she also didn't even bother to let me know. My son was so excited about seeing his friend and going on the day out. In your situation I'd still go to the animal place today and find something else to do on Friday.

Feyenoord Thu 25-May-17 07:13:44

It sounds like you made her your friend because you both have children the same age. She's not your real friend though.

Whocansay Thu 25-May-17 07:31:48

Just go to the sanctuary. If you rearrange to Friday and she cancels again, you're stuffed. Have a lovely day with your DS without her. He won't care.

Writerwannabe83 Thu 25-May-17 07:35:11

We knew each other for about 13/14 years before our children came along and probably saw each other about twice a month but only as part of our social group, it wasn't until our children came along that we started doing things just the two of us.

Thankfully I have a lot of friends so she knows I don't just sit around waiting for her. It was definitely a confirmed date as she wrote it in her diary when we decided upon it last week.

The weather is absolutely beautiful today so I definitely want to make the most of it, I'm just disappointed because I was looking forward to seeing DS experience the sanctuary with his friend, listen to them giggle and laugh together and play with the animals etc instead of him just being stuck there with his mom smile

DeadGood Thu 25-May-17 07:36:51

The thing is that you can't force someone to be reliable.
In my youth I was pretty flaky, and I have to be honest - when someone tried to "enforce" plans, I'd find them uptight and not really see their point of view.
I grew up eventually but I had to do it in my own time.
So, distance yourself would be my advice. But don't bother being annoyed or trying to 'teach her a lesson' cause it doesn't really work that way

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Thu 25-May-17 07:46:46

I would move it to Friday for your son's sake but then be careful about making plans with her in the future.
My DC are older now but when they were young I never told them what we were doing or who with until we were virtually leaving the house as so often plans can go wrong especially where young children are involved. They'd get so over excited and I couldn't bear their disappointment when friends had to cancel for any reason.

Writerwannabe83 Thu 25-May-17 08:11:49

Well I've just been on the website and the big play area (which DS will want to go to) requires a parent to accompany the child due to the heights and climbing involved and me being 29 weeks pregnant rules out me being the only adult with him sad I could still go but tell him he can't go to the Play Area but that would only disappoint him further.

I've had a little rant again to my DH this morning (and said you're all in agreement that friend was out of order) and as he's off work next week he's said we'll all just go as a family then instead so I'm feeling happier now!!!

DS has mentioned this morning about going to see the animals but thankfully he was happily placated by being told we were going to go next week either daddy instead of today with (his friend's name).

I will take on board the advice not to pre-mention any planned days out to DS until I know for sure they're 100% going ahead.

I can't be bothered to rearrange to the Friday with my friend because I guess there's no guarantee she won't pull out then either and I don't really want my time/plans with my son dictated by her flakiness.

TheWhiteRoseOfYork Thu 25-May-17 08:18:40

What did you say to her though, did you call her out on her rudeness, or have you just not replied?

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