to ask for creative ideas to show "D"P how annoyed I am?

[wildpasta]

Name changed as some people may have recognized me in previous posts.
My "D"P has just phoned to say he is coming home "later" ie. approx 10 pm. We had arranged that he would come back at 7 pm today. He has been out at a musical activity since 2 pm and is now sitting with his friends (drinking presumably...)
So it doesn't sound too bad that he will be three hours later than planned, however he was out on Friday until 1:30 am (and I picked him up - again a musical activity), Saturday until 2 am (musical activity + after show party), Sunday he had a music practice which ended up with him drinking with some pals until midnight (came home in a taxi). Monday we both had a musical activity together. Last night he was out until 11 pm (preparing for the musical activity today) and now he is still out.
We are not in the UK and tomorrow is a public holiday.
However, I have absolutely had enough. The key is currently stuck in the lock so he can't get in.
But WWYD? I have about an hour and a half before he comes in. I need some creative ideas as to what I could do to show how pissed off I am. I thought about buggering off with the tent and a sleeping bag and sleeping in the woods, phone switched off.
I am not at the point of LTB yet so LTB comments are not particularly helpful.
He says it is always bad in May and June with lots of musical events and it will be better soon. Fair enough - we have no DC - the musical events are not a problem in themselves but there is no necessity for him to be out after midnight several nights in a row.
I am exhausted. I just want a night of unbroken sleep where I go to bed at 10 or so and am not woken up 3 hours later by some drunk.

[KingJoffreysRestingCuntface]

Sprinkle single Lego bricks in his slippers.

[MoodyOne]

Ohh that's evil King. I like it

[MrsChopper]

Rub chili powder on the inside of his undercrackers

[ChildishGambino]

Book a night in a hotel if funds allow and explain there isn't much point in you being there if he isn't going to come home.

[wildpasta]

If I had any lego bricks I would do that...
Any other small objects which would hurt?

[Hecticlifeanddrowning8]

Laxative in his morning coffee? May ensure an early ish night tomorrow.

[KingJoffreysRestingCuntface]

Cover your hands in Deep Heat and then offer him a hand job.

(I did that once by accident. We're divorced now.)

[eelbecomingforyou]

Just ask him to sleep in the spare room?? No need for all the drama.

[wildpasta]

No spare room eel. It is a one bedroom flat

[Floggingmolly]

Open your mouth and speak to him, stop acting like a discomoded four year old.

[wildpasta]

Could I put a sleeping bag outside the door with a note telling him to sleep in the car and leave the key in the lock?

[wildpasta]

Floggingmolly - I have spoken to him about this twice this weekend and also this evening on the phone and he is taking no notice.

[NicolasFlamel]

Just use your words...

[MrsChopper]

Hide all the painkillers, let him suffer the full hangover!

[Highalert]

Just tell how pissed off you are. Playing stupid games won't solve anything.

[wildpasta]

He doesn't take my words seriously.

[PurpleDaisies]

If he doesn't take your words seriously, why on earth do you think he'll respond to Lego in his shoes?

[wildpasta]

Oh fuck this. I'll just tell him to fuck off and sling his stuff outside the door.
I have really had enough of this.

[anotherpoisonprince]

Leave a barrier of plugs prongs upwards around the bed.
Is his musical activity contributing towards household income?

[Justmadeperfectflapjacks]

Borrow some HUGE size man's boots and leave them outside the back door. .
Key in the door and house in darkness except your bedside lamp. .

[Highalert]

He's not going to change because he's stepped on some lego.

[thatorchidmoment]

I also think you should take off and spend the night in a hotel, with your phone switched off. Usethe jacuzzi, pop on a face mask, peruse an Ideal
home magazine, have a delicious breakfast in the morning and make your way to work completely refreshed. Revenge complete while he nurses a hangover without you there to scoop up the pieces.

How often do you get to spend an evening doing what you want?

[caffeinestream]

I second going to a hotel, and telling him there's no point you being at home in the evenings as he's never there.

Are these musical activities just a hobby, or is it paid work?

[anotherpoisonprince]

Arrrrg bollocks Smeaton beat me to it.

Great minds Smeaton