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To let the toddlers tussle over toys?

(12 Posts)
Bubbinsmakesthree Wed 24-May-17 11:46:58

2yo DS is in a sandpark and has been in gentle 'tussle' with another toddler over a spade (not fighting or pushing, just both trying to take it off each other). I am sitting a bit of a distance away in the shade with the baby and letting them get on with it. AIBU not to be intervening and encouraging them to share nicely?

justkeepswimmingg Wed 24-May-17 12:51:19

My DS is also 2, and I think I'd step in to encourage sharing. I see it as how will they learn to share if they aren't told/shown how to. Everything they do at this age is thinking of themselves, and it's our job to teach them to think of others. I think I'd be annoyed if I could see the mum to the other 2 year old siting back, especially if it was their child in the wrong. How is a 2 year old supposed to deal with a child who is trying to snatch from them, without being physical or crying for help. They don't have the skills to reason with each other at 2.
Each to their own how you choose to parent, but I wouldn't take it lightly if my child were to be physically hurt.

fanfrickintastic Wed 24-May-17 12:56:52

I'd leave it until it looked like one would get hurt or very upset and then encourage turn taking.

I don't really understand 'sharing' for kids- it usually means giving away some you want/have are using for the benefit of others and teaches them their needs aren't as important as others. Turn taking is much fairer imho.

Excited101 Wed 24-May-17 12:57:24

Well who had it first? If your child took it off the other then YABVU to not get him to give it back. If the other child took it of your DS then YANBU to let him stand up for himself a bit.

JohnLapsleyParlabane Wed 24-May-17 12:57:51

I'd leave them to it but be ready to step in.

ClemDanfango Wed 24-May-17 13:00:13

Most children aren't able to share at this age, everything they touch is seen as 'theirs' so I'd more than likely intervene to ensure fair turn taking.

HeyHoThereYouGo657 Wed 24-May-17 13:02:58

Haha bless them . I loved that stage OP but mine are all grown up now.

Just keep watch on the situation . What is the other little ones DM doing ? If she is not fussed I'd see how it builds up

Goes off smiling at the memories of it all

Bubbinsmakesthree Wed 24-May-17 15:56:07

I think DS had it first, put it down then grabbed it back when the girl tried to pick it up. If I'd been right next to them I'd have said something and encouraged him to let the girl have a turn, but I wasn't close enough so just kept an eye that it didn't escalate.

I'm sure I remember reading something from a child psychologist saying parents shouldn't micro-manage these kind of things as they're how children learn to navigate social situations - but it feels awkward sitting back and watching your child grab a toy from another.

ClemDanfango Thu 25-May-17 10:30:45

It's true they need to learn for themselves but when they're a bit older and have a bit more understanding of other people feelings and fairness, at two years old not many children will be able to grasp that concept and will just feel as if all 'their' toys are being snatched from them and will never be given back which results in tussles and all out brawls on occasion! They all get there in the end.

teacherlikesapples Thu 25-May-17 10:43:20

From a teacher's perspective it's definitely better to give them a chance to figure it out for themselves, but stay available & close to intervene if it gets physical. Ideally 'sportscast' and say what you are seeing, help them find words "Bobby really wants the spade". "You are not ready to let go..." etc... This helps them put their feelings into words & start to gain empathy as they are encouraged to look & think about the other person to.
I think we are too quick to jump in & rescue kids, and often we will misjudge a situation by imposing our idea of fairness on it. We often get it wrong, and that is counterproductive to learning social skills.
By using this strategy instead, role modelling, continuing to talk about feelings, children tend to learn turn taking & social skills much faster. You do have to stay tuned in & available though, not just leaving them to it, for it to be effective smile

Bubbinsmakesthree Thu 25-May-17 19:47:29

teacher that is great advice, I have definitely read similar before but it has refreshed my memory - shame it's not an excuse for completely hands-off parenting though! wink

TheRealPooTroll Thu 25-May-17 19:51:16

I would let them work it out if I was right next to them to block any hitting and they were both my children or children of friends who I knew were ok with that approach. But I wouldn't leave them to tussle with a strangers child.

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