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To tell DH he can't go to FA Cup Final on Saturday due to security risk?

(101 Posts)
Bronzehorse Wed 24-May-17 11:20:28

I've never stopped him from doing anything he wanted to do and was happy for him when he was invited to go.

But I can barely breathe at the thought of him going on Saturday. I know people will say that we shouldn't be beaten and carry on with our lives, but right now, this week, with the upgraded critical risk of "imminent attacks" is it really worth taking the risk of going to what will be a huge "Hugh profile" gathering of people?

I've asked him not to go. AIBU to insist? Yes his life, his risk, but we have a young family and he is my world.

Fitzsimmons Wed 24-May-17 11:22:57

YABU. He is statistically far more likely to be hurt in a road accident on his way to the stadium than in a terror related incident. What has happened was awful, but we can not live our lives in fear from now on, else the terrorists have already won.

Sirzy Wed 24-May-17 11:23:14


I can understand your anxious and I think it would be fair to ask him to check in with you hourly before hand and at half time or whatever but it wokld be wrong of you to let your anxiety stop him from living.

ShatnersWig Wed 24-May-17 11:23:27

So, will you tell him he can never go to any large public gathering ever again?

HooplaLoopla1 Wed 24-May-17 11:24:01

I don't think you can tell another adult where they can and can't go. You maybe concerned but he has a right to make his own decisions in the same way you are.

minionsrule Wed 24-May-17 11:24:09

Yes yabu, this thing is ongoing. If you insist on this will you do the same in 6 months when tbh the liklihood of it happening then is greater as security will revert back to normal

Februaryjones Wed 24-May-17 11:25:41

Yes, yabu and I say that as somebody who does suffer from anxiety.

He will probably actually be safer than he would have been pre Manchester due to all the extra security.

WizardOfToss Wed 24-May-17 11:25:46

Can you insist though? He's an adult, capable of assessing the risk for himself.

I think anxiousness is natural, but being unable to breathe suggests it's got out of hand.

Try to have a calm conversation with him and see if he can allay your fears.

Redglitter Wed 24-May-17 11:27:28

YABU Are you going to stop him going to work or to the shops because statistically he's more likely to be killed or injured on the roads. We can't put our lives on hold 'just in case'

Pinkheart5917 Wed 24-May-17 11:28:01

Your dh is an adult and you can't tell him he can't go!

With all the extra security they will have at that event, the chances of something happening are low. It's a fa cup final so that security is going to be extra tight

Your wrong to ask him not to go

meettherussians Wed 24-May-17 11:28:27

Well done OP- you are giving these idiots exactly what they want- they WANT to create fear, they WANT us to stop enjoying our freedom and entertainment and lead sad, lonely existences like they do. You sound needy and OTT, YABVU.

Sionella Wed 24-May-17 11:28:28

YABU but it is understandable.

Even if the worst happened, the chances of him being affected are minuscule.

And security will be so tight there, they'd have no chance of doing anything. Sadly the bastards never strike when/where you'd think they might. The targets are always random to us - a random date; a random bar; a random gig. Not on specific dates or occasions. Remember all the events like the royal wedding or the queen's birthday celebrations - everyone was concerned then, but nothing happened.

Bronzehorse Wed 24-May-17 11:28:47

I think I need you to tell me I'm being completely unreasonable so I can get a grip on my emotions.

Quartz2208 Wed 24-May-17 11:29:06

You know it would be unreasonable, statistically he is still far more likely to be involved in a fight or a road traffic accident. Realistically as well the FA cup is no less at threat than it was before.

The change is due to the fact they don't know if he was part of a terror cell (as in 9/11, 7/7 and Paris) or a lone threat so security is tighter because of it

Medeci Wed 24-May-17 11:30:13

If he wants to go how can you stop him?

blackcatlover Wed 24-May-17 11:30:32

YABU - there will be massive security as others have said around the stadium and on public transport.

I am sorry you are so anxious about it - do you suffer with anxiety generally?

HallowedMimic Wed 24-May-17 11:31:31

I'd have thought there would be next to no chance of a football match being targeted.

Apart from it not really being the sort of thing terrorists go for, the police are so hot on rooting out hooligans and banning alcohol that no bombers are likely to get through.

As for thinking you can tell another adult what to do, it's just not on.

Scribblegirl Wed 24-May-17 11:32:02

You're being totally unreasonable. Sorry.

Hissy Wed 24-May-17 11:32:10

I'm going to the play offs on Monday.

It has crossed my mind, obviously, but I am sure that security will be tight UK wide and particularly at large gatherings like this.

We need to carry on. Let him go.

Tippytappytoes Wed 24-May-17 11:34:22

YABU and I say that as someone who is going to the Rugby Premiership Final also on Saturday.

Hulababy Wed 24-May-17 11:38:15

You can't tell him not to go.

The risks are minimal but I do understand it's scary.
I have an arena concert (elsewhere) on Tuesday with a friend and my 15y Dd. I have an outdoor concert later that week in Manchester with same plus my sister. You know what, I'm nervous and a bit scared. It's crossed my mind what could happen and if it will be okay. But I also know that I can't not go. What use would that be? Do I never go to a concert ever again? So we will go. I'll be more vigilant than before, I'll look for exits and I'm desperately hoping for more security presence. But I also know that whilst I'll feel nervous we do need to go on.

WannaBe Wed 24-May-17 11:43:15

Yabvu. And under any other circumstances someone telling another adult where they could go would be considered controlling.

We're going to the summertime ball at Wembley in July and there is no way on earth we won't be going.

But if my DP started telling me where i could and couldn't go based on a minuscule risk I would leave him.

whoputthecatout Wed 24-May-17 11:45:17

Your fears are yours to deal with OP. You cannot impose them on another person.

HPFA Wed 24-May-17 11:45:44

This is going to cause massive resentment from your husband. As people have said, are you going to stop him ever leaving the house, or driving a car?

Loopytiles Wed 24-May-17 11:46:36

Yabu. Sympathy on the anxiety: I suffer from this.

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