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Ds being bitten!

(9 Posts)
ShoutyMcShouty Wed 24-May-17 07:04:25

My DS has been bitten a few times now by another child at nursery. This time, the bite marks are still visible at pick up (and still in the evening). I'm not sure if it's one child biting or different children, the carers never actually seem to see anything. My friend's DS has also been bitten so it is an issue. It's the baby room and our kids are 1 yo.
I suggested that perhaps they need to watch out for incidents and the biter's parents should be informed. I know I would like to know if my ds is biting so I can deal with it. Their response was "we don't like to make a fuss!" Is this standard?? I think it's because they can't deal with it as they don't know who is doing it. Aibu to think this is a poor response?
Worst still, I guess to hold me to my words, I'm now being informed of all my ds' "misdemeanours" everyday. But they seem to say it in a way that seems exaggerated like "he smashed someone over the head with a frying pan" - it's a toy plastic one. It seems like chaos. I have never seen him hit or push when we are with friends' dcs or at soft play etc but am worried he is learning this behaviour at nursery.
At a teddy bears picnic organised by the nursery, they were all running around the field when I saw a girl just run up to ds and just pushed him over. So I have seen it first hand.
They have also made comments such as, "he did start it".
Yesterday, they said they are watching him and saw him stroking someone!?? But they think he was planning to hit but saw that they were watching and changed to a stroke! Ffs he is 1 and I didn't think he would have that thought process. I was not happy but made out to be protective parent. I'm not sure how from having fantastic reports everyday could be changed to him becoming the problem child in the room overnight after I made a verbal complaint? I'm thinking of leaving the nursery.
Sorry for long post but am mainly venting.

Me264 Wed 24-May-17 07:09:30

Biting is very common at this age but the nursery should be dealing with it better. They should have a biting policy. My DS has been bitten twice since he started (he's now 14 months) and both times I was informed and had to sign an accident report form, as did the biter's parents. They didn't tell me who the biter was but I think it was a different child each time because they told me that if biting happens more than once they begin to shadow the biter to aim for earlier intervention. It wouldn't worry me too much if they didn't know who did it once but every time? Sounds like they aren't really keeping a close enough eye.

silkpyjamasallday Wed 24-May-17 07:16:06

Agree with PP it sounds like they aren't keeping a close enough eye on them to prevent any of the biting or bad behaviour before it happens. That's really not on with a group of 1 year olds they need constant close supervision, they can't be left to their own devices, but I imagine it is easier for nursery workers to neglect their duties with children who have not developed language to an extent they could tell their parents that x happened but nursery worker wasn't watching. Sounds like complaining isn't going to help if all they will do is tell you about things your child did wrong rather than dealing with the fact he is regularly being bitten.

Welshrainbow Wed 24-May-17 07:55:03

Sounds like they should be watching all the children more closely. My DS has been bitten twice at his nursery and both times the staff knew who it was although can't tell me and said they had spoken to the parents and applied a cold compress to the bite mark to reduce chance of bruising. By the time I picked him up there was never even any teeth marks. It does sound like they are making issues to tell you about your DS and I wouldn't be happy about that I'd wonder if they are treating him differently to the other kids when you're not there. Set up a meeting with the nursery manager and if not happy with the outcome is definitely be looking elsewhere.

BarbarianMum Wed 24-May-17 07:58:20

Out of interest, how would you "deal with it" if you were told he's biting?

ShoutyMcShouty Wed 24-May-17 07:59:40

Thank you. I'm glad to hear other nurseries have policies in place. They were very defensive and I wasn't asking for the children to be identified to me! I've since spoken to a friend and at her dd's nursery, the biter was excluded for 2 days and all parents had to go in for a meeting! That's a bit extreme. I just thought the parents needed to know.

Laineymc7 Wed 24-May-17 08:05:55

I know how you feel. My little girl goes to nursery and was bitten by a little boy in the baby room. She still has the scar on her leg from months ago as it broke the skin. I was told the boy bit three children that day. They couldn't tell me who the boy was which I understand. The nursery have said he is now having someone shadowing him and they are working with his parents. Luckily my little girl has now progressed to the bigger room away from the biter. I think the nursery can do is watch them closely, work with the parents on behaviour issues etc.
Your nursery should be dealing with this so it doesn't happen again and should be telling you what they've done.

Areyoufree Wed 24-May-17 08:35:59

This sounds odd to me. My son pinched someone at preschool the other day, and it was mentioned to me, along with how they handled it. He's 3.5. It seems a strange attitude to say they don't want to make a fuss about biting! I think I would be looking for a new nursery.

ShoutyMcShouty Wed 24-May-17 16:25:02

Barbarian what always worked for my dcs when dealing with these are books and stories about the issues. Also if I knew my child was biting at nursery, I can look out for it at home and respond calmly. There maybe an issue at nursery causing the biting.
Anyway, thanks everyone, I thought their attitude was almost quite juvenile somehow? Sounds like most people's nurseries start shadowing the biter. All I wanted was a response to reassure me that they are managing it.

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