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To expect that the school contact us after a crazed kid attacked ours and sent him home fearing that he might be concussed?

(107 Posts)
user1467099964 Tue 23-May-17 21:46:35

A bit of background. I have long suspected my child may have ASD. He is very intelligent but not very streetwise and everywhere he goes he seems to get picked on. We had it all through primary too and there was a lot of victim blaming. The primary was originally outstanding and in a small quiet village; we thought it would be good but they were only interested if everything was going well, they didn’t have a clue with SEN and hardly had any pupils with SEN and there were a lot of behavioural issues.
The new school is in quite a deprived area and I was a bit worried about this but thought because of this it would have more SEN pupils (it does) and therefore more funding so be able to handle these pupils and possibly help mine more (be more understanding?). However, my son seems to be being attacked nearly every day! He has been trying so hard to defend himself and doesn’t want to snitch but I have had to e-mail his tutor on two occasions about separate incidents that were particularly bad and the tutor reassured us after the first incident and it died down a bit with that child for a while, but when it happened again, he never replied to my e-mail!
Now there is this unprovoked incident with another child and we haven’t heard from the school. We called them and they said they would get back to us but they did not.
I’m worried as I don’t know if he will be safe tomorrow-he has most classes with this child!
Apart from this he loves school and is doing very well academically. This school acknowledges that he is highly capable and are encouraging him. Such a difference to the last one where he was written off and ignored. He is so happy that he tries even harder for these teachers.
So what should we do? I want to take him out but wonder if it’s just the same in all schools. Are all secondary schools like this? Does he just need to learn to be tougher? He hates hurting people.
Thanks for reading; any advice would be greatly received.

Queenofthestress Tue 23-May-17 22:22:41

What kind of attack are we talking about here? Keep him off school and take this to the head tomorrow, tell them you want it sorting or he's not coming back and you're going to the governors
Most schools are on the ball about this kind of stuff with sn kids and secondary is better I think, more of an acceptance that everyone is different and they really crack down on it

user1467099964 Tue 23-May-17 22:37:37

He was punched repeatedly, kicked and slammed against walls by one pupil whilst loads just watched.
Trouble is he is not diagnosed with SEN so won't get the help.
He also really wants to go back tomorrow.confused

I think you have to push the school much harder on this issue now. That level of attack is not acceptable in any way. Ask who is in charge of safeguarding, ask them for a copy of their safeguarding policy and anti-bullying policies. Ask them for written details of what steps they are taking to keep your son safe from these attacks.

You could point out that it was an assault and if necessary you will report it to the police (the age of criminal responsibility is 10).

Fruitcorner123 Tue 23-May-17 22:53:48

The school must do something about this regardless of whether your son is SEN or not. He is a victim of a horrible attack. I would keep him off tomorrow and contact the school in the morning or even turn up at school and arrange an urgent meeting with the Head. I would get this sorted and addressed before allowing him back to school. If the form tutor hasn't replied to an email I would follow that up to and mention the previous incidents. You need the form tutor to be on the ball with this.

Tinseleverywhere Tue 23-May-17 22:57:56

Agree with Chaz don't send him back till this is dealt with properly.

kali110 Tue 23-May-17 23:02:26

Ong op that's awful!
I'd do what chez says, that is appalling!

Squishedstrawberry4 Tue 23-May-17 23:09:22

I would go to the police first thing tomorrow. Your son has been attacked and the school has failed to follow up. Really the boys involved should have been sent home yesterday.

user1467099964 Tue 23-May-17 23:10:01

Thanks for all the replies. I have been trying to look up the policies on line chaz-I will have to read them properly in the morning as I'm falling asleep!
The school not responding to us is really upsetting, its making me feel like its our fault-that Ds and I are over reacting.
Is it because there isn't much the school can really do about aggressive pupils? Their solution seems to be just to sit them on different sides of the class. I know these pupils are disciplined but they just don't seem to care-detention/isolation means nothing to them.

Fruitcorner123 Tue 23-May-17 23:23:46

If a student has been physically violent they should not just be moved to another seat in the same classroom! If that is all they do they are failing to safeguard children. Schools have lots of options open to them depending on the student and the severity of the incident. They can isolate students in other rooms, many schools have rooms especially dedicated to isolation, they can also externally exclude for a period of days or longer. There is no way they should be letting a physical attack like this one be ignored. As Chaz says the police could easily be involved. What year is your son in?

Awwlookatmybabyspider Tue 23-May-17 23:34:04

Sorry but rightly or wrongly. I'd be raising hell over that.
Your boy isn't in school to be abused by little shits and for teachers to over look it.
Tell them you want to see their bullying policy, and Don't let them bull shit you about it not being accessible to parents. Parents have the right to view it at anytime, and Please do not let them tell you they don't have one, because by law they have to have one in place
Make an appointment with the safe guarding officer. Tell her/him you expect your son to be looked after and safe guarded. Or to put in another way. You expect them to do their job. !!!!!.
I fucking despise cunting bullies.

banannabreadforme Wed 24-May-17 00:20:57

If your child was assaulted in front of witnesses take him to the drs to check any injuries. Contact the school and tell them your calling the police! Dose this child's parents know he behaves like this?

user1467099964 Wed 24-May-17 05:35:04

I've hardly had any sleep as I just keep worrying about this!

I think from my description the injuries seem worse than they are so let me clarify:-

DS doesn't appear to be physically harmed, he has a tiny bruise near his eye but is complaining of sore eye (which is v. slightly swollen) and a headache at the front of his head which is relieved by paracetamol. He has been able to do all the things he normally does. I have just been checking him a lot all night and he seems ok.
For these reasons I think a doctor would think I was wasting their time.

DS is in year 7 and I think the other kids parents know as he is always getting in trouble.

I heard from other parents that the other kid did get an isolation yesterday. The school do react and punish the kids who misbehave but isolation only lasts so long then they are back in the class.

I know this as there was a similar incident last year with another pupil and this is what happened to them. The school communicated well then and at least tried to make us feel they were doing something and it stopped for a bit but this pupil carried on low level pushing/verbally having ago until last week when it escalated and I e-mailed his tutor again. This is when I got no response.
This pupil has special needs though and I just don't think they understand/can't stop themselves.

Main reasons I am struggling with this is we have been in this position before at primary school. DS seems to attract bullies like a magnet. We kicked up a fuss at primary and we were treated like trouble and avoided.
DH said what we did at the primary school didn't work so what's the point in doing it here. He said he really didn't know what I expected the school to do and did I really think any other school was any different. He went to a rough school too and this situation was normal. He believes DS has to fight back (he tries) and show the other kids he isn't a push over.

Fruitcorner123 Wed 24-May-17 05:51:40

Sorry but i disagree the injury to his eye you have described sounds unpleasant and i don't think i doctor would think you were wasting their time. Or how about a minor injuries nurse?

Also your DH is completely wrong. Every child should feel safe to go to school without fear of being attacked. The school are failing in their safeguarding duties if they don't react to this urgently and appropriately. Your son is in physical danger. Just because your DH went to a rough school doesn't mean you should accept this for your son. The other school failed your son but don't give up. He needs you to fight for him. Sorry if I upset you but I work in schools and I know this is taken seriously where I work and it shouldn't be any different anywhere else.

Mummyoflittledragon Wed 24-May-17 06:23:02

Sounds like the other child has issues possibly stemming from home. No way should your ds be subjected to this. This is a safeguarding issue, surely? Assuming you're in England or wales now that the children are all above 10, this is above the age of legal responsibility. TBH I would get his injuries checked out to ensure there is nothing more wrong and logged with the medical profession, take photos. I'd also take this further up the school to the governors as the head isn't listening. You can also inform them that you have taken these steps to protect your child in the event it is necessary to get the police involved either now or in future.

SaorAlbaGuBrath Wed 24-May-17 06:28:33

I'm sorry this happened to your son. My eldest has ASD and has been the target of bullies in our local area for 18 months (same kids). I ended up having to involve the police yesterday after they set about him with sticks and when I finally found the mother she couldn't have cared less and her son had the nerve to smirk in my face and call my son a freak. He's been charged with a hate crime related assault. So that's an option for you too if your son's school won't step up and deal with these bullies. flowers for you and your boy.

user1467099964 Wed 24-May-17 06:32:47

You didn't upset me fruitcorner. I am grateful for all advice.

I have been looking at the school policies and I think the school is treating this under the behaviour policy. i.e. isolated incidents.

I wonder if this school and his last one try to do this because it's easier than following the anti-bullying policy, which looks more costly e.g. counselling sessions etc?
The safeguarding one is vague (to me) and seems to focus on identifying abuse.
So unless I push on the bullying thing nothing much will happen.
I'm not sure it is or will be seen as bullying-(targeting one person) as this child attacks everyone a lot. He does seem to go for DS more and I don't really know why this is. Also the other child I mentioned is similar, always having a go at everyone.

user1467099964 Wed 24-May-17 06:38:39

SaorAlbaGuBrath That is horrible!-I'm so sorry. I really hope the police can help you both. Sadly I'm not surprised the mum was like that, it explains her child doesn't it.You really shouldn't have to endure that. Good luck-flowers for you both too.

SaorAlbaGuBrath Wed 24-May-17 06:47:27

Thanks user1467099964 it makes me sad that my kids (2 diagnosed, 1 currently in the middle of assessment) are going to have to face cruelty like this from ignorant people who check out of decency and humanity. But they're my kids, and while I'm around I'll make it my mission to educate, inform and try my damndest to make sure my kids see me defending them in the right way.
Could the school do lessons on inclusion?

Squishedstrawberry4 Wed 24-May-17 06:50:49

It does sound like bullying. I would email the governor with bullet points of what has previously happened and in more detail explain yesterday's incident. Describe the
Injuries to your DS. Explain he has undiagnosed ASD. Explain you've had no contact from the school for the last two weeks despite trying.

The fact the boy has SEN doesn't mean he's free to hurt everyone. The school has a duty of care to keep your son safe. They are loco parentis in your absence, which means your son is completely their responsibility in school.

So today speak to the police and write to the governors.

Squishedstrawberry4 Wed 24-May-17 06:59:16

Also GP just to get the injuries checked and logged.

The police may or may not help (often they will pop to a child's home and chat to them). Either way it will be logged by the police and if your son (or anyone else) is attacked like this in the future by this boy, there will be existing records.

AnneElliott Wed 24-May-17 07:14:37

As it's year 7 I would call the police. Horrible to think that others stood and watched. School much more likely to take action once they know the police are involved.

PaulDacresFeministConscience Wed 24-May-17 07:22:29

Police - now. The school have had ample opportunity to deal with this and have failed spectacularly. I suspect they won't be happy if you go over their heads and go to the Police but that's the whole point; if they won't deal with it then someone has to because brushing it under the carpet is not acceptable. This way it might at least force them to face up to the fact that their policies are not effective and that they need to re-think how they manage these sorts of incidents.

Lots of sympathy for you. I was bullied all the way through school between the ages of 8 - 14. I was a bit of a geeky nerdy type who did well academically and was also quite trusting and naive, so like your DS I seemed to attract bullies. My Mum was like a tiger with the school and it really helped to know that I could talk to her and she would always try and fight my corner.

I was reminded of this yesterday when my line manager was laughing at me enjoying a very geeky task (which is part of my job and which the team that I manage were helping with). He said that it made him think of the old adage "What do you call the school nerd when they grow up? Boss".

It will get better, but in the meantime go to the Police. Nobody should go to school and have to put up with being physically assaulted - you wouldn't accept it in your workplace, or in the street or at home, so why should the school be any different?

Squishedstrawberry4 Wed 24-May-17 07:30:56

Contacting the police will make the school sit up and behave more professionally.

WhatchaMaCalllit Wed 24-May-17 07:33:22

I'm sorry to read how your son is being treated in school.

I'd make an appointment to speak with his teacher and if not the teacher, the Principal/Head Teacher. I'd be asking them if they are treating each of these incidents as 'isolated incidents', just how many 'isolated' incidents make up a bullying incident or a situation where your son is being bullied. One is an isolated incident. Multiple isolated incidents make up a pattern and they must be able to see this. Don't leave the school until you're happy that you're being taken seriously, your son is being treated properly and something will be done to sort this out.

I think it's great however that your son wants to go to school today, even under these circumstances.

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