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AIBU?

To think dh should be more concerned about dss2s fleabites?

11 replies

foursthescore · 23/05/2017 17:10

I'm genuinely interested to know whether I am right or sticking my nose where it shouldn't be.

Between us, dh and I have 4 dc - my ds who is 6, and dsd 8, dss1 7, and dss2 4.

Dh ex wife has main custody of the dsc. We have them eow and one week day.

She also has 2 cats. I believe that dss2 is allergic to fleabites. Everytime he comes to us he has a lot, however today it honestly bought tears to my eyes. At least 40 bites, massive and red raw. Poor little mite was beside himself. Sent dh out for cream.

I told dh he should tell his exw that dss2 is staying with us until she has treated her cats. He said no way, he doesn't want to rock the boat. He isn't going to mention anything to her.

I'm disappointed in him. If ds arrived to me from my exh looking like that we'd be devastated. We also have a cat but treat her monthly with treatment.

I hate the thought of dss2 going back there tonight.

Aibu? Should I butt out?

OP posts:
Areyoufree · 23/05/2017 17:18

If you think he could be allergic, I'd get it checked out. A pharmacist might be a good person to talk to - and you might get hold of one this evening. That would give you more ammunition for convincing his mother to get the cats treated (although it would probably be an exterminator job - fleas can be a nightmare to get rid of).

You're not unreasonable to want to keep the poor lad with you, but you don't have a lot of say here, unfortunately. But your DH is wrong to not mention it at all - the poor kid is suffering. Flea bits are awful!

Areyoufree · 23/05/2017 17:19

*bites

NeedsAsockamnesty · 23/05/2017 17:22

My ex once claimed my daughter had serious flea bites.

They were not flea bites they were an allergic reaction to something and we were having tests to find out what (turned out she was allergic to his dog) in his defence they did look like flea bites however I did make it clear to him that was not the case and he refused to believe me despite me showing him medical evidence.

Is it possible that they could be anything else

FooFighter99 · 23/05/2017 17:23

Send him home covered in calamine lotion with a note telling her he is in great discomfort! Hopefully then she'll take the hint and sort it out. You can guarantee that if DSS was getting bitten at your house she would have something to say about it.

Speaking from experience, dealing with fleas (we have 4 cats and a dog) is a nightmare but once you get them on the right treatment it is possible to get rid of them!

We had problems with them last summer, and my DD(5) is always the one who ends up getting bitten, though they also go for my ankles too...

We seem to have them under control now though, I pay monthly for flea treatment from pets at home, it costs £4 per cat and they post it to your door! So EXW really has no excuse and your DSS should not be suffering like he is.

foursthescore · 23/05/2017 17:45

They are definitely flea bites, I've been bitten a few times before and they look the same. The actual bites are surrounded by red and feel slightly warm to the touch.

I adore my dsc and I have so much love for them but it really irritates me how dh refuses to bring up any concern about the dsc for fear of annoying his ex- she's been spiteful in the past and I know that he's afraid she'll stop contact if he annoys her. I just feel helpless, being a sm is a really difficult position because you love the dc as they were your own but when it comes to it, you have no power at all.

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 23/05/2017 23:11

Could you not take him to a drop in clinic?

Kokusai · 23/05/2017 23:14

Give him an antihistimie

Massive sympathy - I am highly sensitive to flea bites and come up in huge great big raised red hot wheals. It is horrible.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 23/05/2017 23:16

I think your DH should take his son to the GP. If he XW kicks off he can say he didn't know what the marks were and was worried it was something contagious.

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 23/05/2017 23:26

40? 40 flea bites are not acceptable even if he isn't allergic! What Chaz said! And if DH won't take him maybe you should did what his ex thinks

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 23/05/2017 23:27

Sod! Not did, blimin autocorrect

LadyLoveYourWhat · 23/05/2017 23:40

My parents were rubbish at controlling their cats' fleas and I was always covered in bites as a child, it was really horrible to have them itching all the time and also having other kids ask what they were. Our cats became resistant to the treatment we were using a few summers ago and suffering again while we sorted out different treatment and hoovered every other day to get the fleas back under control brought it all back, it made so angry that my parents couldn't be bothered to do anything about it despite my suffering (I think I was the only one who was really allergic). So, I don't know how you can best sort it out, but please don't let your husband minimise it.

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