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AIBU?

In saying I don't want to talk about the bombing in Manchester?

38 replies

yayayahey · 23/05/2017 17:04

I'm British but live in the States. Since the bombing happened yesterday I've had quite a few texts and messages asking things along the line of 'what do you think?' and everyone I've seen this morning has wanted to talk about it.

I understand that I'll be most people's focus point here as I'm the only Brit around but I don't want to talk about it to every single person i come across.

Partly because I'm obviously upset like everyone else and it really chokes me up talking about it, partly because a lot of the people asking seem to be excited and have some off, gory interest in it, can't quite put my finger on it. And partly because of the anti Muslim sentiment of lot of people have voiced.

I said to probably about the 30th person who asked me today "I'm sorry but I'd rather not talk about it" very nicely and they were clearly offended and put out. And dh said he thought it was a little rude.

I'm worried now that it was rude. Do I have to suck it up and replay the same conversation for the rest of the day or can i decline to talk about it and not look like an ass?

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myoriginal3 · 23/05/2017 17:08

I'm sure everyone is talking about it to everyone. I doubt you're alone.

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer · 23/05/2017 17:09

Nope not rude at all

MaidOfStars · 23/05/2017 17:10

"Sorry, it's a bit upsetting right now. Can we have this conversation another time?"

Seems more like what you want to say and not remotely offensive.

I told someone today that I didn't want to talk about it and could they shut up please. I'm in Manchester. There are many raw emotions so I guess I got away with it.

MaidOfStars · 23/05/2017 17:11

(Although I don't think your reply was offensive anyway)

MrsBadger · 23/05/2017 17:12

Yanbu. Dd has wanted to talk about it so I've made the effort, focussing on the positives - all the hotels who opened their doors, all the taxi drivers who took people home without charge.

Shut the vultures down with eg 'I've been really touched by the community response - it's at the worst times that you see people at their best'.

yayayahey · 23/05/2017 17:13

Those are great things to say. Much more eloquent than mine. Thanks.

I think the word I was looking for was macabre. That's how some people's interest is coming across.

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BabyHamster · 23/05/2017 17:14

Can't you just say you feel very sad for the families and friends of the victims? They'll stop asking if they know you can't be drawn on the politics.

lovelylavender1 · 23/05/2017 17:14

That's so rude Maid

Firenight · 23/05/2017 17:16

It's fine not to want to talk about it. It's not really been a topic of conversation at work today and I'm fine with that too!

milliemolliemou · 23/05/2017 17:19

No, you're not rude. "Thank you for your concern - I don't know more than you - and I believe the local paper has set up a fundraising site for the families (Manchester Evening News)" might have done it.

I can understand people's interest and concern. But in the US (unless you came from MCR and had family involved or followed tweets) you wouldn't know any more than them. It is certainly not the time to raise the point that they've lost more to internal terrorism and gun violence.

Unfortunately media, attention-seekers and trolls always follow these events. Some of it takes attention away from the real horror and the people who died or who are living with the aftermath. And yes, there is always a gory interest - look at the people who used to attend hangings in the UK and US and still do elsewhere including craning round at road accidents.

On the other hand Manchester rose to the occasion with emergency services, and people offering help from taxi drivers, hotels, locals offering homes and tea and driving.

MaidOfStars · 23/05/2017 17:21

That's so rude Maid
Seriously? It was with a friend. And I was crying when I said it.

I guess he got it.

yayayahey · 23/05/2017 17:27

Millie - I've had quite a few saying they think I'd be crazy to go back and spend time in London with ds as it's too dangerous. I've been biting my tongue not to tell them that ds is way more at risk from some crazy asshole with a gun here.

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BitOutOfPractice · 23/05/2017 17:33

I was in the US when Princess Diana died. Everyone wanted to talk to me about her

BitOutOfPractice · 23/05/2017 17:34

Maid what you suggested was not rude at all

DingDong01 · 23/05/2017 17:34

Its the American way to talk about these things and how you feel. It would irritate me too.

Pallisers · 23/05/2017 17:37

I'm in the US, not British, and most people are talking about it tbh. I don't think it is ghoulish interest either more shock and sorrow.

I presume people outside of Boston talked about the Boston Marathon bombings when they happened too. These things are shocking on a global level.

I think it perfectly ok to say "I'd rather not talk about it if you don't mind" and anyone who is upset at you for that is in the wrong.

yayayahey · 23/05/2017 17:37

Ding - so many people have asked "are you upset?" Of course I'm fucking upset? Aren't you?!! Nowhere near as upset as people that actually lost someone though.

Only said this in my head obviously.

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yayayahey · 23/05/2017 17:38

Pallisers- some are definitely excited by it though. It's obvious.

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Pallisers · 23/05/2017 17:39

Its the American way to talk about these things and how you feel. It would irritate me too.

I think you'll find it is the human way. I doubt the entire of Britain is maintaining a stoic silence today. Some people like to talk about things like that some people don't. There isn't a right or wrong, people should just respect each other's needs/boundaries.

luckylavender · 23/05/2017 17:40

I would understand, but you are talking about it. You started this thread.

Pallisers · 23/05/2017 17:40

Pallisers- some are definitely excited by it though. It's obvious.

Luckily I haven't encountered anyone like that. I think you could definitely give a certain stony look to people like this while saying that you'd prefer not to discuss.

reawakeningambition · 23/05/2017 17:41

I would feel the same. I like this response:

"Can't you just say you feel very sad for the families and friends of the victims? They'll stop asking if they know you can't be drawn on the politics."

I hate it when my American relatives do this.

MaybeNextWeek · 23/05/2017 17:42

'most people are talking about it tbh. I don't think it is ghoulish interest either more shock and sorrow. '

Yes it's a fact when people are shocked they want to talk about it. I think its easy enough to say yes its dreadful then change the subject really if it's upsetting you.

yayayahey · 23/05/2017 17:46

Lucky. I don't mind talking about it a little with people who aren't poking for gory little tidbits. Which I don't have as I'm not party to any information which they aren't.

And people in Britain on the whole haven't gone so gung ho on the damn Muslims tack either. There's sadness not excitement.

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yayayahey · 23/05/2017 17:48

And I understand people are shocked and want to talk about it. It's just being the focal point for most people around here is too much for me.

I talked about it until I was blue in the face last night with dh, ds is luckily too young to have to hear about it.

Some of you have given some great responses on here, I'll use those, thank you.

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