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To be sick of people calling me quiet

(37 Posts)
Diaryofalways87 Mon 22-May-17 20:41:24

I've always been an introvert. That's just who I am. I was constantly told I was shy as a child, which I don't think helped.

Anyway, I was at work today and a colleague looked over at me and remarked to another colleague "she's always making such a racket over there!" to which the other colleague said "yeah I know, I'm always telling her to be quiet".

I was really hurt by this and just blurted out "that's because I actually do work!" blush which I'm so embarrassed by. I was just really offended.

I'm about 6 weeks pregnant so can't tell whether I'm being overly sensitive or whether I'm justified in being upset??? I did go a bit psycho sensitive during my first pregnancy.

sonjadog Mon 22-May-17 20:43:15

I think they were making a joke and trying to included you in their chat.

VelvetThunder Mon 22-May-17 20:45:58

Ugh, I hate this. I get this often too, always have. As has my sister.
I don't see why the need for others to comment. I think it's good to have a balance of quieter people amongst the noisier people. When there's a lot of loud people, I like to just be quiet by myself for a moments peace, I don't need people constantly pointing it out. I'm aware I'm quiet thank you, no need for sarcasm.
I feel for you though, it's hard. Congratulations flowers

Icanseethepigeon Mon 22-May-17 20:46:28

YANBU. I feel and share your pain. I'm an introvert and was painfully shy as a child and young adult.

I'm better now but being louder is something I have to remember to do. I know for a fact that colleagues at work who are more vocal than me (usually just volume) are noticed more and thought of in a better light, even though our outputs and achievements are comparable. It's hard to take.

Mumzypopz Mon 22-May-17 20:48:52

I hate this sort of comment too. Yes, it could be argued they are trying to include you, but it also highlights that they think you are quiet. I would just smile and ignore. Not everyone has to talk all day.

DrEllie Mon 22-May-17 20:52:37

Congrats flowers
Being an introvert is difficult. Have you looked at https://introvertdear.com I find it helpful to understand introversion

kmc1111 Mon 22-May-17 20:59:19

I loathe this. I used to get it all the time.

It's just about the most unproductive thing you can say. It's not a way to include someone, because there's no good way to respond to it, and it makes people self-conscious and thus less likely to want to talk to you.

If you want to include someone you ask them what they think about whatever you're discussing. Give them an opportunity to join the conversation instead of pointing out the fact that they aren't part of the conversation. What response do people really expect to get to 'You're quiet aren't you' besides 'Yes I am'.

ipswichwitch Mon 22-May-17 21:06:16

I don't get why people feel the need to comment on how quiet someone may or may not be. It's not going to suddenly make them become extrovert and loud.
I am far from being a quiet, reserved type, but I've had someone give me a "ooh aren't you quiet, you don't talk much" comment. No, I just can't get a fucking word in sideways due to your incessant prattling on hmm

Eastie77 Mon 22-May-17 21:06:16

I hear this often as well. I'm actually very chatty amongst my friends but at work I'm fairly quiet. I work in a very hectic environment with people who are paid to talk absolute shit all day (Advertising). When a colleague said "you're really quiet aren't you?" the other day I just nodded silently😬

Diaryofalways87 Mon 22-May-17 21:08:19

Thank you all, you've made me feel so much better.

The conversation was one of them asking me if I could keep an eye on the phones whilst they had a fag outside. So I just said that I could manage, which triggered the sarcy comment from colleague 1. Don't really understand why he expected a long winded, noisy reply hmm

Acornantics Mon 22-May-17 21:16:13

DS 13 is quiet; he's thoughtful, has a comfortable stillness about him, and he thinks rather than expressing outwardly.

Every parent's evening we hear the same thing; he's quiet, he could put up his hand more...why can't they recognise him for who he is and work with him, rather than suggesting he change?

He's doing brilliantly in school, so it's not holding him back. He's just not a loud person!

firstcutisthedeepest Mon 22-May-17 21:17:02

I used to get this a lot, not quite as much now. I agree with the posters who said it's not a way of including you in a conversation, it's someone drawing attention to your quietness, which, in my case used to make me cringe with embarrassment. I hated being quiet, but even worse was when it was "noticed". Anyone who says it, is being rude and personal imo.

Seeeeriously Mon 22-May-17 21:20:19

They're fucking rude.

On another note - this book is excellent:

www.amazon.co.uk/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0141029196?tag=mumsnetforum-21

firstcutisthedeepest Mon 22-May-17 21:21:57

It would seem rude if "noisy" people get comments like "ooh aren't you noisy", but for some reason it's ok to point out someone's quietness.

Diaryofalways87 Mon 22-May-17 21:37:59

Exactly! And then they tried to make out it was playful banter. Is this what banter is? Making fun of peoples' shortfalls? I don't understand banter...

firstcutisthedeepest Mon 22-May-17 21:55:30

Diary There was someone i used to work with that was always telling me, and anyone within earshot how quiet I was. I got sick of it so i retorted back "yes i am but what is your point". She started mumbling saying stuff like "well you are quiet". I said "yes i know but what is your point and what do you want me to do about it". She literally didn't know what to say.

Try it next time someone says it, cause them a bit of embarrassment.blush grin

Diaryofalways87 Mon 22-May-17 22:19:34

Thank you @firstcutisthedeepest I will give that one a go grin a much better response than mine 😩 which I will cringe about forever more! I could literally feel everyone in the room go "whooooa!"

user1471506380 Mon 22-May-17 22:45:11

I have had this my entire life! I am 64 (so well sick of it!). I found it best not to reply and just smile. It makes you feel like you are odd in some way doesn't it?

SunsetBeetch Mon 22-May-17 23:13:28

Oh I get this too. I'm mostly comfortable with who I am and my introversion but this really annoys me at times. Yes I'm quiet, so fucking what??

user1492324666 Mon 22-May-17 23:23:54

Dairyofalways, I agree with you, apart from one thing. Being quiet is not a shortfall! In many ways being quiet is a strength, being a listener, not dominating conversations etc.

One of my pet hates is a friend always saying "the trouble with my DD is she is an introvert" One definition is being content within yourself, and not needing to feed off others. Sounds good to me!

Quiet people of the world, unite!

Trixiebelle16 Mon 22-May-17 23:24:47

I like your response- it'll make him think twice about saying it again! People see quiet people as a bit weak or a puzzle to be solved. If some people can't put a label on you they can't be comfortable around you so they provoke you into justifying or explaining yourself.

I've been an introvert all my life and I've finally embraced it and stopped seeing it as a part of me that needs fixing. It's fine to be who you are - confidece is quiet- insecurities are always loud!

DJBaggySmalls Mon 22-May-17 23:25:42

They are rude. If they wanted to make a friendly joke with you, they wouldn't have said 'she'.

Still waters run deep smile

deckoff Tue 23-May-17 09:00:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Allfednonedead Tue 23-May-17 09:41:31

Ok, I must confess I might say something like that, but it would be admiring. Isn't being reserved and self-sufficient an admirable quality?
Assuming you're not quiet to the point of being rude (ignoring people addressing you directly), wouldn't we all like to have enough self-control to focus on work?

EBearhug Tue 23-May-17 09:47:59

I'd often like to answer more in concise ways but it's polite to lengthen it a bit.

Why? If "yes" answers the question, why should you have to add more?

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