To ask if I'm a bad mum :(

[Squtternutbosch]

I'm a single mum of a 6 month old boy. I love him to the ends of the earth but I'm really struggling and it's making me feel like a terrible mother.

His dad is away at the moment and I've been by myself with my son since Saturday morning. He's been sick since last weekend, although he seems to be on the mend, and he's being so difficult. He is weepy and clingy, he's awake every 2 hours through the night, it takes an hour to get him to sleep, I can't put him down without him screaming. He has this really high pitched scream which just goes on and on and on until I pick him up. This evening, after an hour of getting him to sleep only for him to wake up and scream as soon as I put him down, I caught myself snapping "for fucks sake, DS" as I picked him up out of his crib, more roughly than I should have done (but not dangerously, I should clarify). And I feel terrible about it.

I am massively sleep deprived. I have cabin fever. I am frustrated and weepy and lonely. I have no family around and very few friends.

I feel like I'm being a rubbish mum. I am living for the times when he sleeps and not enjoying the times he's awake because I'm stressing and trying to get all my housework done, get his lunch made, and generally worrying about him. He's usually such a happy, smiley little boy that it's really unusual and unsettling for him to be like this.

We are not spending quality time together, we are just existing one day to the next, and I feel like I am letting him down. My beautiful, beloved son. I feel awful :(

AIBU and a rubbish mum??

[KingJoffreysRestingCuntface]

Nah, you're normal.

It's a rough week. It'll end.

You're groovy.

[early30smum]

You are not a rubbish mum. you need some support. Is your health visitor any good? Could you join some local baby groups if there are any? It's a tough job and especially being on your own. Is the baby's dad involved at all- i.e. Do you get any time 'off'?

[Wolfiefan]

YAB completely and totally U!
You are coping with a really hard time. It's not easy to have unlimited patience on bugger all sleep.
He will recover. You will sleep. You will have MUCH better days.

[brasty]

You are not a rubbish mum, simply human. No one can be Mary Poppins for ever

[hottotrotsky]

No way are you a rubbish mum!! You're knackered and stressed. It's temporary keep reminding yourself.

[Joolsy]

We've all been there, or will be at some point. When you're massively sleep deprived of course your patience is going to be tested. Don't worry about not spending quality time together - he is only 6 months and he won't remember! Don't be so hard on yourself

[Pepperedpig]

You're not a rubbish Mum at all. Its hard work this parenting lark. I struggle and have Dp here who more than pulls his weight.

[Calvinlookingforhobbs]

No, you are a mum with no support. Big hugs to you, it's not easy. It this time will pass very quickly and you should be getting some pleasure out of it. Try to schedule 3 nice things you want to do with him each day, is 29 mins of rhymes, read a book and have a nice walk. That way you will recognise that would are spending quality time together. Even his bath time is quality time.

Other suggestions that might help:

Housework is not a priority

At 6 months old, his food is downs not need to be overly complicated,

Mash a banana and abocado for his lunch and give him a yogurt.

Get a sling to help settle him.

Hugs, OP.

[DakotaFanny]

You're doing just fine! This will pass. Be kind to yourself.

[MatildaTheCat]

Sounds so difficult. Get out as much as you can and use any support you possibly can.

Have you had him checked over? When mine was that age the high pitched screaming when I put him down was always an ear infection. If you haven't seen the GP do so just for reassurance.

Hugs, it will get better. And YABU for asking if you are a rubbish mum.

[Calvinlookingforhobbs]

Sorry for the jumbled text. I'm using an iPad and I'm clearly the wrong age for it!

[FittonTower]

We've all been there, it is really tough but it really really doesn't make you a shit mum. It makes you a tired mum, a frustrated mum, a mum in need of some time to herself and a very very normal mum.
Don't be hard on yourself and don't be afraid to put the baby in the cot and just walk out and calm yourself down when it's too much. A couple of minutes crying while you make yourself a cuppa and take some deep breaths won't do him any harm at all

[Squtternutbosch]

Oh. Now I'm crying.

Thank you, I needed to hear that.

I love him so much and I hate myself for feeling resentful and annoyed. I wanted a baby so badly and I don't regret him for a second but it's so much harder than i thought.

His dad is very involved day to day, but he works full time, and he has never done a night. I am still breastfeeding and my son is quite attached to me so he can't be away from me for long. So I don't get much of a break, really. I'm exhausted.

Thanks for making me feel less alone. I'm so grateful.

[MamaDoGood]

Nah I whisper ffs under my breathe daily.
And iam a good mum

Cut yourself some slack x

[CocoLoco87]

It's ok to just get through each day without constant jazz hands. It's rough when babies are poorly and not sleeping well, and you're getting through it without support! You're doing amazingly well. You're not the first mum to speak crossly to your baby and you won't be the last. Keep going, you're doing great.

[Squtternutbosch]

matilda I have had him checked over, he saw the Dr last week, who checked his ears and everything is fine. He's just had a bad cold, I think.

[dingdongdigeridoo]

You are doing the best you can! It sounds like a tough situation. Just try not to be so hard on yourself. Try to spend a bit of time chilling out and watching telly when you get some peace.

Is he teething? It's early but it can happen. There could be a physical cause, or it could just be a tough period. Either way, you will get through this.

[user1494361872]

Normal, was there last week.
you sound like a lovely mum. Hang in there you will have a better week x

[HumpHumpWhale]

I posted much the same thing when my son was much the same age - on a different forum - only my son wasn't sick and I wasn't a single mum. I was just finding it sooo hard and not enjoying it at all and hating myself for that. Someone basically said "get a grip, what kind of lunatic would enjoy being woken every two hours, puked and shat on and screamed at constantly?" And it was like a light bulb going on. It's ok not to enjoy the hard bits - nobody does - and sometimes the hard bits last days or weeks. But you put your head down and get through it and it'll get easier and then it'll get fun (in between more hard bits). You're not a bad mum. You're doing a really hard thing. It'll get better, I promise. You have so much loveliness ahead - sloppy first kisses and first words and hugs and all sorts of amazing things. But you're never ever going to enjoy being stuck with a sick kid with no help for days on end because it's shit. For everyone! How you're feeling is so so normal.

[witsender]

I used to whisper "you're lucky you're so fucking cute" at mine in the middle of the night, I seem to remember. I still feel that way sometimes and they are 7 and 5!

All fed none dead. You are surviving, giving him what he needs so you are doing what has to be done. Don't feel you have to fill his every moment with experiences, he is small and not feeling great. Just cuddle him, feed him and yourself, get what sleep you can and sort out the rest later. Survival mode, we have all been there.

It's a cliché but "this too will pass". It will!

[Hogterm]

You are not a shit mum. It is bloody hard when you have times like this. No sleep and worrying is a killer combination. Remember it will end and you said he is normally a happy thing so just get back to that. I have two, youngest is one now and I still get the 'oh god no, this is going to be a shit week' feeling when they get ill. Feeling frustrated and fed up is normal and is nothing to do with not loving your child. You are human, that's all.

Try and get a bit of fresh air and really really just take it easy. Easy food or takeaway is your friend. It will pass.

[Honeybee79]

You're not a rubbish Mum! Normal. I've had a day like that today (6 month old with horrible ear infection).

Don't beat yourself up. We all have times like this.

This too shall pass.

Can you join some local baby groups to build a support network up?

[MargaretCabbage]

You're doing great. Six month old babies are so hard! They're often still terrible at sleeping, still too small to do anything fun but old enough to be frustrated, and because you're past the newborn days nobody gives you any sympathy.

It does get easier, very soon.

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

I hate to break it to you, but you're perfectly normal 😊

It does not one bit of harm to swear about them like that, honestly, they don't know if you've just said 'FOR FUCK SAKE DS' or 'Time for to sleep'.

Babies don't need to be handled like they're made of bone china, they're not.

It's utterly fucking miserable when they're unwell and you're not gettbeing no any sleep or any help.

But the good news is, a change in your mindset can really turn things around quickly.

• Basic food. Make things that are easy & he has eaten before. NO spending hours making the perfect kale quinoa carrot purée. Eat food you like.
  

• Clean. Showers for you even if he's howling in the bouncer next to the shower the entire time. Bath for him every night. You'll both feel better.
  

• Dishes & rubbish bin. Keep on top of these, other cleaning can wait.
  

• Go outside. Shove him in the buggy & go out. Anywhere. Preferably somewhere that serves good coffee (if you drink it) & where there are other adults. Avoid baby groups, they'll do your sleep deprived head in! Well, I think so anyway 🤣
  

• Do as much fir yourself as you can whilst doing what he needs. Sit and cuddle, play etc but have a box set playing - or whatever floats your boat.
  

It feels like A lifetime when you're in the middle of it, but it will pass 💐