AIBU to ask if you or your other half work shift?

[uthredswife]

My DH has been offered an interesting role. It's alternative fortnights of day and night in a 3-2-2 pattern.

Does anyone work or have a partner who works those hours? Would you say its a positive or negative thing? On the surface it seems better as he will have 14 days off in 28 but he'll need to sleep some obviously.

We have 2 kids and I'm hoping he will e around more to help with drop or and collections on days I work.

Any experience or insight appreciated!

[DingDong01]

What do you mean 3-2-2? Do you mean 3 days, 2 days off then 2 nights? Then a week off?

[wheresthel1ght]

Assume it is days afters night rotation?

My dp works a 3 on 3 off on perm nights and honestly I hate it, would far rather something fb at gave us more meaningful time together. He only gets 1 proper weekend of cnut in 6 which is shit. Depending on the mix on your dps or would be quite keen. Only down back is how you work around his working days if you rely on each other solely for childcare

[uthredswife]

3-2-2 means you work 3 days, get 2 off, work 2 days, get 2 off, work 2 days get 2 off. The the pattern is repeated again but you work days instead of nights. He will have 2 weekends off a month. I work part time so we don't solely rely on weekend days for quality time

[GiGiraffe]

My DH works 2 long days, 2 long nights and 5 days off. It's fine, you get used to it.

He has done permanent nights and also office hours, I think my least favourite is the office hours as we are both out of the house and rushing to try and get back for the kids activities 5 days a week. It's more flexible on the shift pattern for us.

[uthredswife]

Thanks GiGi. That's kinda what I'm hoping to. I'm wondering am I being a bit niave

[DingDong01]

Its all swings and roundabouts. With shift work, he can be around during the day, childcare, school runs, going to events at school. Just means he'll be around less in evenings and weekends.

[DaveMinion]

That's my DH's exact shift pattern lol. No dcs so no idea how it would effect it but he has 5 days off one week and only 2 the next. Good for annual leave as he just takes it on a 2 day week and gets more time off.

I also work shifts but with no pattern apart from one weekend in 4. It's on one of my dh's weekends off typically.

[Phalarope]

Has he done nights before? The recovery can be pretty grim. May be hard to do childcare around it, depending on the actual shift hours - I used to just feel sick and/or hyper, and I was quite good at working nights.

[Shellym13]

I do 2 days then 3 nights and 4 off. Personally I love it! And could never go back to 9 - 5.
It's amazing how quickly you get used to it.

[AndNoneForGretchenWieners]

DH has a 3-4-3 followed by a 4-3-4 pattern of 12 hour shifts. Day-night-rest day.

It is OK but he works 84 hours per pattern and we only get 1 weekend in 6 without him working at least one shift. We rarely seen each other when he's on nights because he drops me at the station straight after finishing his shift and is at work by the time I come home. If DS was small I would find it hard going. He's always tired because his body clock is messed up from the change in shifts

[tissuesosoft]

DP does 3 days, 3 nights then 3 off (first day off is mostly spent sleeping off the last night shift). I work part time but he only has 1 in 6 full weekends off and it's not very often his days off coincide with mine. So he doesn't see DD very often.
He leaves the house at 5.30am and isn't back until 8pm (DD isn't up at that time in the morning and asleep by the time he gets in). On a night shift he leaves at 5.20pm and gets in at 8am, DD doesn't come back from the childminders until 5.45 (earliest they can drop her off, we don't drive) and she goes to the childminders at 7.30am.
The night shifts haven't helped his health, he was so low on vitamin D (blood test results) the past few winters that he had to take high dose tablets to bring it back to normal range.

[redexpat]

My DH does the same as GiGis. He has more free time, does more of the drop off and pick ups, does more housework. It is hard when his 2 days or 2 nights fall at the weekend. But equally it is very easy to plan around.

[AndNoneForGretchenWieners]

moving I'm so glad you mentioned the booze in the morning. I was slightly concerned that DH sometimes has a Jack Daniels at 7am to knock him out, but at least it's not just him. He doesn't do it often but I worried he would start to need it, if you see what I mean.

[tissuesosoft]

Should added- I have school holidays off so he tends to see her abit more then but it depends on if there's overtime available (which we need him to take in moderation) or if he has shift changes to cover his boss.

It's nice when we can see him during the week when I'm off too and DD and DP are such partners in crime so hasn't affected their relationship at all. However at times when DD is ill and waking through the night then recovering well enough to go to childcare I have to go into work exhausted as DP can't take time off to be at home with her (earns double an hour I do and he doesn't get sick pay, family leave etc) so that is hard.

[Rachie1986]

I know my DH struggled with nights, that was permanent​ night shift.
Now he's on 4 on 4 off 12 hour days
He loves it.
I would prefer 9-5 and every weekend off tbh especially with small children but there you go.
It's manageable.
Is this a forever move?

[caffeinestream]

Lots of people struggle switching between nights and days, which is something to keep in mind.

Also night shifts means he NEEDS to sleep in the day. So he won't necessarily be on-hand for childcare all the time. It might be an idea to get him to do say, the morning school run, as it's during his "evening" but not to wake him at 3pm for the afternoon one, as it'll be the equivalent of you doing it at 3am!

Also childcare might be hard to plan if he doesn't have set days off a week. You might find you're paying for after-school club or breakfast club even if you're not using it half the time because he's on a day off, just to keep the space open.

[Coulddowithanap]

DH used to work 8-6 Monday to Friday and 8-1 Saturdays (half hour journey each way and usually finishing an hour late every day without getting paid overtime!)

Now he works shifts we see him so much more. He is around to help with school run and bedtimes. It's a difficult shift pattern so he is often tired. It's nice when we both have days off during the week as we get time together without the kids.

[Oulavache]

Dh works 9 hours a day 7 days a week with 3 days or so off a month. He is self employed. The joys! I work 3 hours a day every other day and have gotten used to being the only parent at home and doing activities with the kids, who are now late primary and early secondary age i am lucky in that our children are generally very good. A side effect of an absent father and frazzled, impatient mother. He used to work double and night shifts which I found much, much harder.

[aintnothinbutagstring]

I work shift but only two nights a week, you need to consider nights requires a decent recovery, I tend to sleep from 8am until at least 1pm but still feel like a bear with a sore head when I get up. So say you get 2 days off after nights, technically that's 1 day off as the other he'd spend sleeping off the previous nights shift. Usually I'd want a sleep before shift too as 24hrs without sleep is not pretty!

[uthredswife]

Lots to think about

To answer some questions, I probably won't always be part time but will be till our youngest goes to school next year at least. My work will always be office hours though.

My husband has strange (well at least strange to me) sleeping patterns. he'll often stay up till 4am watching movies etc. I would/could never do that.

As to tell question is it a permanent move - it's a fairly desirable job so it's tends to be one people stay in due to pension and perks. The management work days but obviously that would be a fair way off for my DH as a newcomer.

Our childcare arrangements won't change for the foreseeable future but we may try to cut down a little on childcare days when his shift pattern is established. I do drop off and pick up currently.

He currently works 8-6 and a couple of Saturdays month and is on call for a week a month.

[caffeinestream]

I think it's certainly do-able, but you do need to bare in mind that day/night shifts are very different to just working night shifts or just working days.

The quality of sleep you get before/after a nightshift is rubbish, as you're fighting your natural body clock, and it's not like you can ever adjust permanently because you keep having to switch to days. Be prepared for him to be very tired and grumpy for a while!