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Bridesmaid dress.......from a supermarket! AIBU?

(103 Posts)
Jmhirvine Sun 21-May-17 18:08:10

So daughter asked to be bridesmaid by sis in law to be. I've been asking for weeks re dresses - my daughter is not skinny and knew we might have to buy adult dress and get it fitted (she's not huge but has a tummy) I heard via family bride was loaning cause of DD's size saying she'd ruined the theme as they didn't have dress in size to fit and now she'd have to change her choice... and said nothing as I'm not supposed to know this convo took place!

Bride was out for lunch and DD who has aspergers and is aware of weight asked for gravy chips and I got her a small portion. Comment was later made that dress would never fit if I kept feeding her crap! Dress has now been chosen and it's from a supermarket is waisted so really doesn't suit and worse looks nothing like what a bridesmaid should be in and I think there will be child guests at wedding in dressier affair.. I've said I'm happy to pay just tell me what she wants but now we're at war over dress and I really just want to say forget the whole bridesmaid thing and we'll just go as guests and have fun as I don't want DD feeling like she's huge or ruined the theme or anything would I be UR to say this?!?

Cheerybigbottom Sun 21-May-17 18:12:47

Have you seen all the dresses? Rather than say you don't like dd's, if you've seen the others find one to match and offer it as an alternative st your own cost.

Personally I had bridesmaids dresses very cheaply from lindybop and they have ranges where adult & child's were made of same fabric but slightly different . I think many bridesmaid ranges are like this.

Whatsername17 Sun 21-May-17 18:13:05

No. How old is your dd? I don't understand why she was asked to be a bridesmaid if the bride is worried about her fitting into a dress. It seems cruel to put pressure on a young girl like that. Id hate my dd's to be under such scrutiny.

Jmhirvine Sun 21-May-17 18:20:11

She's 8 nearly 9 and I think tbh bride was strong armed a little by my brother.... I don't think she's bought the adult dress yet but got the baby dress from a very cheap high street store as well - I don't understand that either as it's in a good hotel but I'm wondering is money an issue now?? But then bridesmaids are paying for their own dresses!

Funnyonion17 Sun 21-May-17 18:31:37

I'd tell her to fuckoff! She was obviously aware of your Daughters shape beforehand and tbh it's common for taller/larger kids to have an adults dress or a bigger kids size and alterations made so it fits. It's not difficult and it's done all the time for adults and kids.

Your SIL sounds like a nasty bitch tbh, bullying a child about her weight is totally unacceptable. I'd not be offering to buy another dress after that, I'd turn down the bridesmaid invite and let DD have her own beautiful dress she feels good in for the day.

Mrsglitterfairy Sun 21-May-17 18:35:56

That's horrible pressure to put a young girl under, either have her as she is or don't ask her, it seems very cruel.
I do have to add though, don't see anything wrong with dresses from a supermarket, my BM dresses were from Asda and were bloody gorgeous. But they were all the same and I got sizes 8-18 so all had the same dress

lavei Sun 21-May-17 18:41:26

Just from the other POV.

She picked her bridesmaids and your DD was chosen because she is a relative. She then began deciding her theme, went out with a friend/relative who blurted out what she was told in confidence from a bride having a general moan. She found dresses she really liked and set her heart on them, then realised that they didn't do one that would fit your DD. She has found an alternative, and YABVU to be so judgemental about HER choice. Perhaps she likes the dress she chose for your DD and just because it doesn't fit your idea of what a bridesmaid should wear is irrelevant.
Her comments about you feeding your daughter chips and gravy is sort of fair if she has bought a dress in a specific size and is worried that you're still feeding your daughter up. She can't be small if she is wearing adult clothes at 8yo.

Also, of course money could be an issue. Not everyone can afford bespoke dresses, supermarkets do sell lovely clothes these days!

Comments about your daughter's size made by the bride are bang out of order, however your snobbery over dresses being "cheap" or from a supermarket is a bit off, too.

Kokusai Sun 21-May-17 18:49:51

Also, you have to buy adults dresses for a 9 year old?? That is more than having a tummy.

RebelRogue Sun 21-May-17 18:54:17

you're still feeding your daughter up.

She's not feeding her daughter up. She's just feeding her daughter. It's not like OP is doing it on purpose to make her kid fatter and cause more hassle.

cheesypastatonight Sun 21-May-17 18:55:11

I thought you were going to say 13 or similiar. If your 8 year old is too big to wear childrens clothes why are you not addressing that? You are going to affect her whole adult life with weight problems if you don't get it sorted now. Ask for help from your gp if you don't know what to do.
Generally, feel her less unhealthy food, make healthier choices and get her more active,

Fat children are being abused. It's child abuse if your 8 year old is so large she cannot wear regular 8-10 year old clothes.

RebelRogue Sun 21-May-17 18:57:15

OP try and see if you can find out the theme/what other bridesmaids will wear in what colour,then see if you find some dresses you and DD will be happy with and send the bride some pics to see if she'll approve of any if you buy them.

If it's a no and you think DD will feel self conscious,uncomfortable and laughed at then politely drop out of her being a bridesmaid and go as guests.

lastqueenofscotland Sun 21-May-17 18:58:53

She is 8 in adult clothes?!? That's not having a tummy.

At the end of the day it's the brides choice what the bridesmaid wears even if it's not what you'd consider a bridesmaid dress hmm

FrenchMartiniTime Sun 21-May-17 19:03:13

If your 8 year old is overweight you shouldn't be buying her chips and gravy.

Sorry to derail from the thread but this sort of thing really irks me!

TrollTheRespawnJeremy Sun 21-May-17 19:03:25

When I was a bridesmaid we had dresses from a supermarket. They were fine. (Not what I would choose but it wasnt my wedding!)

GloriaV Sun 21-May-17 19:05:08

How can you comment when you don't know the height or build of DD. Crazy - so from now on only slim people can get married / be bridesmaids - nice.

lavei Sun 21-May-17 19:05:48

@RebelRogue yeah chips and gravy is very nutritious. I'm sure that's going to help the issues

Crumbs1 Sun 21-May-17 19:06:51

I think it sounds like you have the problem with how your daughter will look not her. If you let her wear the dress and tell her it's lovely, she'll be fine but......
You know she'll look like a heffalump because she's an 8 year old who needs adult clothes. It's not a tummy, it's fat. That's clearly not her fault but gravy chips won't help. Get her eating more healthily and get her running around a bit more to 'tone her tummy'.

HeadfirstForHalos Sun 21-May-17 19:07:37

It's not exactly ideal for a child to be overweight, but saying it's child abuse is ridiculous. Have any of you thought that ops dd having Aspergers might make controlling her weight more difficult?
Just because they went out for dinner and she had chips doesn't mean she lives off them , either.

MargaretCavendish Sun 21-May-17 19:07:53

When I was a bridesmaid we had dresses from a supermarket. They were fine. (Not what I would choose but it wasnt my wedding!)

Same, completely. I didn't love my dress (mostly because it was way too short - I'm 5'10!), but tbh they were just going for a look that wasn't really very 'me' - understandably as the wedding wasn't about me! I've seen far worse dresses that cost 5 times the price.

luckylucky24 Sun 21-May-17 19:13:55

OP's daughter has aspergers. It is very possible that she has a limited diet due to this. Maybe chips and gravy were the only thing that her DD would eat without kicking up a fuss in public?

paxillin Sun 21-May-17 19:14:12

It is irrelevant if you like the dress. Tell your dd she looks lovely and leave it at that.

suzy2b Sun 21-May-17 19:14:21

my granddaughter is not fat she is 8 but some clothes are age 12 her sister who is 2 is in 5/6 she is also not fat clothes these days seem to be made very small . If the chosen dress is going to look awful why would you want you daughter in it i wouldn't, you would think you would try before buying to make sure it looks alright. Tell sil that you think it would be better for daughter not to be a bm and go and buy her a beautiful dress to wear.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 21-May-17 19:15:03

Have you sought help for your DD's diet? An 8 year old in adult clothes sounds like the kid is really suffering with her weight. I know it's hard with ASD but it needs addressed. flowers

RebootYourEngine Sun 21-May-17 19:16:22

What weight/size is your daughter? How long until the wedding, could you get your dd down to a healthy weight before the wedding?

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