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To Not Have A Best Friend

(11 Posts)
OrangePeels Sat 20-May-17 22:25:21

I realised today that I don't actually have a best friend. Throughout school I had a friend that I always called my best friend even though we drifted apart quite a bit. That particular friend is now a vague acquaintance.

I had a very close friend aged 19-24 and we still meet up when we have the chance but aren't all that close anymore.

I have a few close friends, loads of acquaintances but it struck me that none of my friends would call me their best friend and I wouldn't say they were mine either.

I'm 36 and moved abroad nearly 4 years ago. I have made friends and then they have moved away and that has been hard. I'm not really in the market for a full friend relationship I suppose in case they leave again.

I have friends back home and a great family.

Am I missing something? Do I need a "girlfriend" that I can call my best friend?

For context: I am happily married with a 7yo daughter. I'm not unhappy in anyway. Although I thought I was a good friend to someone and then she mentioned her "best friend" and it made me think...

MaccaPaccaismyNemesis Sat 20-May-17 22:32:56

I don't have a best friend either really, but lots of good friends. I've always been happy to not be living a life where I have the one person who I would choose over others. The last person I would have called my best friend, who was my bridesmaid, turned out to be bonkers so that ended well....!

PlayOnWurtz Sat 20-May-17 22:33:41

I don't have one either. I have some people I can call if I'm in the area but I realised that no one felt I was a close enough friend when it came to organising my wedding and hen do.

I had no one to ask to be a bridesmaid. I had no one to throw a hen do. If I ever manage to have another baby I'll never have someone to throw me a baby shower.

I've ditched Facebook because I grew fed up of people I thought were close friends posting pictures of "nights out with my besties" but never inviting me.

If it doesn't bother you not to have a best friend don't question it.

brotherhoodofspam Sat 20-May-17 22:35:19

I wonder if at 36 the whole"best friend" thing is really necessary. Lovely if you have someone you've kept up from school days that you can call your best friend but it sounds like you've got some good friends as well as a happy family situation, so I think you're doing pretty well.

OrangePeels Sat 20-May-17 22:41:41

Thank you for your replies. It help s to know I am not alone! I have sown close friends and lots of friends/associates. I just wondered if it was weird not to have a best friend.

I don't think DH has a best friend either and is similar to me in that he knows a lot of people but no one particularly close. He grew up in the country we now live in so he was an expat most of his life. he is more used to having people come and go than I am.

I've now hit the 4 year cycle where most people I first connected with have moved away. I'm not lonely in any way but don't have a deep connection with anyone as those back home have now moved on too.

KERALA1 Sat 20-May-17 22:43:56

Does anyone over the age of 12 have a "best friend"?. I slightly cringe when adults use the term - to me it means you help each other out in double maths.

honeylulu Sat 20-May-17 23:06:45

I've not had a best friend since school. I've made more friends since then, a few close ones (some friendships have lasted, others faded) but no best friend unless I count my husband.
Of the two closest female friends I have now, I think of them as my best friends but although I think I'd rank in their top 5, I'm not so sure either of them would think of/refer to me as their best friend.
I am a bit odd and socially awkward, hard to get to know (suspect I'm on the spectrum) so I'm glad to have the friends I do.

JustRosieHere Sat 20-May-17 23:11:37

I don't have one either. I have lots of close friends but no one friend I could call no matter what or tell anything too. No one I could turn up to see unexpectedly and share a brew or glass of wine with. The only time I feel sad about it is when I see other people who have that sort of relationship (usually on Facebook). I don't remember my mum having a best friend either. Surely many people don't stay close to one person their whole life.

tinytoucan Sat 20-May-17 23:38:00

I don't have one either. Similarly to a pp, I had no bridesmaids at my wedding. I didn't have a hen do, or a baby shower (although I didn't actually want the latter, but still would have had no own to throw it if I did). I have a few friends but none I am really close to. It does make me feel sad sometimes.

LadySalmakia Sat 20-May-17 23:45:23

I've got some extremely clear friends that I call best friends in conversation if I need a short hand, but we're not BFFs like kids are. But yes, I've certainly got some close friends who have other people they are closer to than me, for eg.

I'm a bit of a "my DH is my closest friend" and case as well, but I do appreciate the company and closeness and camaraderie of my closest women friends, even if we're not in contsant contact.

apostropheuse Sun 21-May-17 00:01:04

I don't actually have any friends at all. Haven't had them for many years. I don't really know why it's the case. I had the occasional friend at school but often was alone. Yoi just get used to it over time I suppose. I'm now mid fifties and go places on my own if I want to, rather than not at all. You get used to it.

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