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DP doesn't want to go into it.......

(16 Posts)
fosterdoris Fri 19-May-17 22:23:13

AIBU - we have FC and last few nights have been really challenging esp at bedtime. Tonight was particularly hard - prob not right to describe all the detail here, but got to the point where i had to walk away and DP had to deal and after about 3 hours FC eventually went to sleep. I was quite upset about tonights situation - not just because of being in the moment but because of so much other stuff that has happened in the last few weeks (redundancy, new job, bereavement), but DP seemed to think i should take it all my stride and not let FC affect me. Dp then said he didnt want to talk about FC anymore cos he had it all day (which he does to be fair, and does the majority of the stuff), but now i feel a bit sidelined and inadequate because he's playing on his music stuff and i'm a bit....well....
He does everything, all the time everyday with FC so i do feel like i am BUR, but on the other hand we still should be us......

TheoriginalLEM Fri 19-May-17 22:24:39

sorry but what is FC?

Hadjab Fri 19-May-17 22:26:02

Sorry, what's FC?

TroysMammy Fri 19-May-17 22:26:31

I'm guessing foster child.

Intransige Fri 19-May-17 22:27:25

I think it sounds reasonable for him to want a bit of space. It sounds like he needs the break.

ExcuseMyEyebrows Fri 19-May-17 22:27:33

Foster child?

WonderWhippet Fri 19-May-17 22:28:05

Foster children?

Foster children I think.
I am the one that spends most time during the week with my own dc and it can be hard going and once they are in bed especially if it's been a fraught day for whatever reason the last thing I want to do is talk about them or in fact anything. Some nights I just need some time to do my own thing and wind down.

If your dp spends all day with the children it can get to the stage where your brain is just utterly full and you just need some space to clear it all. If it's been a hard night tonight I wouldn't hold it against him and just let him have his time.

fosterdoris Fri 19-May-17 22:29:19

Foster child yes
I really know he needs space - but AIBU to want to talk to him about how i feel too?

TheoriginalLEM Fri 19-May-17 22:31:07

ah ok. not something i have direct experience of but that must be tough and you do an admirable thing.

roundtable Fri 19-May-17 22:31:37

Foster children

Might be advisable to speak to your social worker op. But I will say, both of you need to be on board with fostering. Are you?

fosterdoris Fri 19-May-17 22:31:41

Looks Better - i do get that - i think i am probably BUR and i should just let him chill

Birdsgottaf1y Fri 19-May-17 22:32:30

There is a Foster Parent Board on here, you will get good advice on there.

How long have you had them?

Tbh, if your DH can't cope with anything else, possibly speak to your GP, or contact a bereavement charity.

Fostering does require a level of self sacrifice.

Intransige Fri 19-May-17 22:34:07

You're being a bit unreasonable, yes. Talking is a two-way thing, if he doesn't want to talk then it's unfair to try to make him. Can you find another way to process how you feel? Go for a walk and think about it for example.

fosterdoris Fri 19-May-17 22:35:45

roundtable - totally on board - however sale and reality are two completely different things so there is a period of adjustment and maybe that's just what we are experiencing now.
DP is 17 years older than me and has grown up kids and grandkids, where as i have none of my own - different times!
We will totally nail this, but just hoping for some MN moral support to help me understand that we are doing something right .....

fosterdoris Fri 19-May-17 22:39:17

@Birds - thank you. I will look at those boards. DP copes with everything- that's the issue - he doesn't always understand why i don't.

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